manicpanic you sound quite a bit like me there. I have only recently realised it's ok to think my DS is the most amazing little creature on this planet, and that it's ok to swoon a little every time I look at him, or he does something.
My husband also things I am strong. I don't know about that....
Do dysfunctional families breed dysfunctional children? or do dysfunctional families just breed children who then seek out other children from dysfunctional families?
Toxic step-grandma died today. Her and her ex-military husband raised one big screwed up family: the eldest daughter ran away from home at the age of 18 (just after my stepdad was born at the end of the fifties), became pregnant (unthinkable for someone from a family like hers), a drug addict, contracted hepatitis, became a suicidal lesbian who then spent the next 50 years in and out of hospital after overdoses, jumping out of windows and to treat the damage she did to her body. Daughter number 2 tried to get away from the family after she had to SN children who kept being belittled by her father, called dumb, retarded and all sorts of other names. Daughter number 3 let her parents run her life until she had enough at the age of 30 and cut all ties. Son number 1 was the golden child, got treated like he could do no wrong, became a protestant reverend and had his own dysfunctional family. My step-dad, the late-comer, stood in the shadow of all his siblings and was mainly forgotten about when he wasn't criticised and belittled. He chose to study architecture instead of law, which his parents wanted him to. He went travelling and made a life for himself, with his parents in the background. They pretty much made him marry a woman he didn't love, they divorced two months later because he was in love with my (recently single) mother. His mother left us messages on the answering machine about how my mother is a witch (literally), and that she has cast an evil spell on her son, that she should let him go or there would be consequences. In 15 years she didn't bother to learn to spell or pronounce our names.
My mum and SD had a son. Grandparents never came to see him to punish my mother and their son's "infidelity".
A few years ago step grandad went rapidly downhill and died. step-grandma refocussed all her energy on SD and moved 5 minutes round the corner. If they wouldn't let her visit for a day, or they didn't go to see her, whe would get herself admitted to hospital - bruises, broken bones and imagined bloodpressure problems.
One christmas day she was upset that they wouldn't let her host christmas dinner (lots of reasons), so she phoned in the evening to get her som to visit. when he got there, she was on the floor, in her own vomit, having taken an overdose. Drugs rehab and a lot of other incidents like that followed.
Her behaviour never improved.
Today, a neighbour found her dead in the communal staircase. I don't know the circumstances yet, but nothing would surprise me.
I feel a strange sense of closure. There is no grief. Some sadness because my little brother doesn't take change very well, but no sense of loss.
I apologise for the essay, but I had to get it off my chest because nobody seems to understand how I feel, but I thought you guys might..