The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Giving Up Booze For Lent.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse.

We are a Bus load of posters with various relationships with the demon booze. Some are sober, some are not and some are inbetween.

So come say hi and meet the rest of The Babes, there's always plenty of room on the Bus, the doors are ALWAYS open.

No judgy pants are worn on this journey, pants yes and even the odd Tena Lady but always of the non judging variety.

Previous Threads

hey Qo - good to have you back. Stop beating yourself up. Start again. you can do this.
thorn I have revealed some amazingly personal details about myself on here - especially about my sex life but once you've posted, you've posted. No-one will remember in a bad way, or care.
Had a lovely morning with mum taking her to a nearby castle and gardens and having an ice-lolly in Sainsbury's car park - the high life huh?
A not so lovely visit to dad - he now has to go for a brain scan, has gone totally deaf in one ear, had bowel/bladder problem and incontinence, throat problems which mean he can't eat, and dementia. I jokingly said "Father you are falling apart" and he said "I wish the end would just come. i can't go on living like this"
Over all the bad years during my childhood and teenage years, I nursed my hatred and yearned for him to suffer the way he had made us suffer and now, I just feel really sad. What a fucking waste!
Sorry to bring things down on this sunny day - hope you are all having lovely sober fun!

It's all gone SO pear shaped. Sunday lunch now has to be Sunday dinner because I've drank a whole bottle of wine already. I now have to really concentrate on acting sober and cooking a roast, the chicken is in at least!
I had a terrible relationship with an emotionally detached and neglectful father. He developed MS late in life and then had lung cancer, on his death bed I willed him to show regret/remorse and tell me he loved me and he was sorry, he didn't do that and then he died leaving me with a sense of unfinished business.
My dd's dad died shockingly and unexpectedly last March, on Mother's day. She has Asperger's and is struggling to cope with her feelings. It may sound weird but I've just realised why I'm struggling today and it's because it was Mother's day when I had to tell my dd her dad had died. I expected to feel bad on the 1 year anniversary but it's today I feel bad because I'm associating it with Mother's Day.
I'm going to sober up because I have to but then I want to drink again this evening in secret because in an ideal world without responsibilities I'd just drink all day but I can't.

Oh thornrose that second paragraph could have been written by me!
I'm sorry today is bringing up so many horrible memories for you. Can you intersperse the alcohol with water and soft drinks to pad things out?

I can try but I really want to self destruct. I want to smoke, do drugs and drink and get SO out of it. I won't though and that gives me some comfort, I will not self destruct because my daughter comes first. If I was a true alcoholic I guess my dd wouldn't be enough to stop me?

Sorry you're have a crap day thornrose, and good for you for not self-destructing.

I really can't say what a true alcoholic is - it feels to me a bit like trying to stop on a very steep sheet of ice - very hard to stay at the point at which you are now. For me the only choice was to get off the sheet of ice - the alternative was only down.

I have so many regrets about ways in which my dds lives, happiness and safety were compromised by my drinking. I spent many years telling myelf that I wasn't really an alcoholic because I hadn't done done x, y, or z, But in reality, I'd only not done them YET. I'd not started drinking in the morning until the first time I sat down to watch Jemery Kyle with a glass of wine; I'd not driven while drunk until the first time I took the car to an evening out and couldn't resist a drink; I'd never driven my dds while drunk until I unexpectedly met dd2 when I got off the train.....

I hate myself for all of those, but it didn't stop me doing it at the time.

I so understand where you've got to today - and you know a little bit of me is even jealous. So don't worry about what you've posted - most opf us have been there (or somewhere near it) before.

You're right venus, I'm teetering on the ice and have been for a very long time but I know I'm about to fall! I think I'm going out with a bang but not too loud as to completely blow it. I've tried to send out a couple of distress signals to close friends and family but I'm not being obvious enough. I am such a good actress.
I am not going to drink tomorrow, I am determined.

good for you on tomorrow ThornRose. Just try and limit the damage today. drink some water, take some paracetamol, get an early night.
tomorrow is another day.
How you doing?
On another note entirely, I have posted before about DD2s scatter brained approach to life. she will be the death of me I swear. she left this morning for a weeks residential music camp. Several times I asked her if she had everything packed - answer, yes, yes, I'm on it, don't fuss.
So what two things did she forget to pack??? Hint - there is a clue in the words "residential" and "music"..................

So no pjs and no violin then?

dd2 lives in a dream world and all through her school days she was incredibly scatterbrained, It never seemed to bother her but it drove me mad. The first time she packed her own bag to go away (to a run-down highland cottage in the middle of winter) she packed pjs, toothbrush, 2 handbags and a tiara. She was only 6 though

Hey Thorn - stick with the bus and us lot who are on it... it might not feel like it now but I have a feeling that you will beat the demon booze - it might just take a bit of time to get there....you have taken the first step babe xxx

Hi Venus and Thurso and welcome back Qo

close Venus. No sheet music and no knickers. Whaterver she's planning on doing all week it doesn't seem to involve singing!!!

Ma,

Lovely day here, but.....

MAJOR meltdown at the mo, DC2 has been behaving strangely for the last couple of days, uncommunicative, etc, even my Mum noticed today,the DC's are so close to my mum and dad, that when my mum went up to speak to him, I came down, and thought "maybe he just needs to tell someone else". But....so far, he really needs us to change all flights for Edinburgh open day...has got a party to go to..., and mentioned that he has had such a rubbish time at school the last few weeks, that he thinks he would feel really bad if he didn't go .

I can get over the major amount of money it would cost us, but so far he won't talk to DH, me or my mum. I know I have to respect privacy, but he is only 17, and I am so worried. He is just SO not a talker, unlike DC1, I kow I should leave it............

Sorry, maties, felt better writing it down.
xxxxx

"know" didn't proof read!

hmmmm Thurso, this sounds like a bit of a smoke screen for something else. has he got cold feet about leaving home/going to Edinburgh but doesn't want to tell you that he's changed his mind?
The party - is he a regular party goer or is this a bit out of character? who is hosting it and why is it so important? Is there a girlfriend or potential gf on the scene? Is he struggling with his sexuality? Is there a boyfriend or potential bf on the scene? it may be none of these things of course, but as a parent of teens myself, I would suspect there is something at the root of this.

hi Thurso if he won't talk to you, would he with DC1? Will they get a chance to be together over the easter break? Not suggesting DC1 should break confidences but may help DC2 to put whatever the problem is in perspective. Could he feel that the pressure to succeed is hard to manage and the uni trip has brought it to a head?
IME they change their minds so quickly, I wouldn't rush to change everything just yet - when are you due to go?

Well, just had a bit of a kasfkaesque converstion with DC2,
he is just so bl**dy clever! Been talking for an hour!

Asked him all the things above, but is adamant he won't talk to me about it, and said he's fine now .

Am so embarassed about asking if he was gay, but just wish he could talk to me, I don't mind if, or, whatever, I wonder if he thinks DH does!
I don't think he will talk to DC1 because DC1 is a talker, and will phone me.
DH doesn't want to know anymore, he said he has spoken to DC tonight, but said "best leave it". DH has gone to bed, and I am up, wondering if I have done the right thing!?

Ma and BB Thank you, just wish I knew which one to tackle?

Also [shame, shame] DC said "I have been dealing with stuff for the last five years, what's different now". DC said loads of my friends don't talk to thier parents, I am just myself.
HOW DID I NOT KNOW. AARGH!

Isindie thank you so much for your post.

Everything resonated.

I have been awake all night, wondering why, he couldn't talk to me, and what could possibly be the matter.

I did wish that I hadn't written it all down on here, but, when I came down, and DH was fast asleep?!!!!!, I needed to.

And now, having read your post, I am so glad that I did, because you make perfect sense, I need to take a step back for a while.

I hope that you don't feel too bad this morning, and that maybe your day will be better knowing that you have really, really helped me this morning, and I really love you for it.
Thanks.
xxx

thurso teenagers can be so difficult, can't they... My dd1 had a very difficult time in her teens, a little bit of bullying, low self esteem, turbulent feelings, lots of sadness, yet mostly she just wanted to deal with it and solve it on her own - part of growing up that they don't want Mum to understand and be helpful, they want to take on the world and sort it out for themselves.

dd2 was a different kettle of fish - party animal and all that goes with it [eek!]. She was so wrapped up in her own self, her own life and her own social life that it felt as though she was becoming more and more distant by the day. We felt at real risk of losing her so dp and I started 'project-dd2'. Rather than just living our own lives and letting her get on with hers, we made a real effort whenever she wanted to engage with us to be there 100% for her. So if she came in later than us for mealtimes I'd save some of my tea so that I'd at least be eating pudding with her, or if she wanted to watch Friends o 90210 or some other american crap on TV, I'd stay in the room and watch with her. If she was clearly bored and moochiing around dp would play competitive table tennis with her. If she wanted to play stupid card games, we'd make an effort to join in. It did feel as though it closed the distance between us, and at least we felt like we were doing something.

isindie, isinide, come back and talk to us soon

Morning all

Seriously, though, Thurso, I hope that you get to the bottom of what it is with your DC, it must be so difficult just trying to patiently be there and watch him going through it without just being able to make it all better.

How is everyone today? Cold and grey here, and more mundane crap going on, but nothing serious.

morning!

thurso - you poor old thing! - i agree with everything isindi and venus have said, he knows you are there for him and that may well be all he needs while he is thinking about what to do - fwiw, dhs brother had a dreadful time when he was looking at universitys, he became withdrawn, miserable and generally unhappy, it was thought that he was being like it because he was worrying about getting the right grades for uni of choice, in fact, after a spectacular meltdown he told the parents that he didnt want to leave home, was terrifed and 'not ready' , mil had no idea he felt like that, anyway, lonf story short, he took a year out, stayed at home, got a part-time job and did a lot of voluntry work with several different charities, (it really boosted his self-confidence 'working ' with adults and being treated as one by strangers) made a world of differance to him, he went off to uni with a spring in his step and is now in his 30s, married with 8y ds!

qu - nice to see you back!

rose (i dont want to call you thorn, bit prickly! ) - i do hope you come back today, all it takes to get sober is today!, yesterday dosnet count and tomorrow is waaay off!, just today is all you need focus on! i cant tell you the relif and peace i feel once my first decision of the day is made, honestly, i lay in bed, think about the day ahead, decide first that

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

then i decide what to wear with the chosen shoes what to have for breakfast etc and just get on with the day - i call my self an alcoholic, who knows if im 'really' an alkie, i dont give the definition much thought these days, no, i wasnt dirty and homeless, i have never been arrested (more luck than judgement! ), i have always worked, i run my home, feed my family, but i did it all pissed and miserable, nothing 'fitted' right, whatever i did to to cheer myself up and try and keep on track was clouded by the worry of the next drink!, 'would i get one'?, 'would it be enough'?, 'will anyone notice im pissed'?, 'when can i get home so that the real drinking can start'?, oh, bloody hell, it was exhausting!, i never had a moments peace from the voice in my head!, it was either demanding another drink or worrying that i was drinking too much and killing myself!

the peace i now have is priceless! - yes, i do miss getting wasted every so often, sometimes its a fleeting thought that i can deal with quickly and easily, sometimes is an absolute fucker and grips me by the throat for hours or even days - that can be hard to deal with, but its not impossible!

i dare say my post looks a bit me, me, me, , the thing is, i think every post on here is valuable, every experience is valid and every post can help someone decide not to drink today!

anyway - must get on with monday morning!, didnt mean to leave a monlogue!

laters babes! xx

Hello everyone, hope you all had a good weekend. I don't normally get on here at weekends, as you know - the PC at home is in a very cold room!

LRD No offence taken to you or to the majority of others who "bash" me. The only time I get offended is when someone says (or, worse, implies - if nothing else, I expect a drunk to be a straight talker!) something untrue about me.

On the other hand, I'm not sure what I could say differently, as I don't want to lie to anyone. My experience (of what has happened to me personally and what I have seen happen to other people) tells me that:

1. if someone is a problem drinker, their options are limited
2. they are unlikely ever to have a normal relationship with alcohol again
3. the very fact that they are asking for help means they have probably already tried all the other things that COULD work (cutting down, drinking diary, weekends only, drinking only on special occasions ...) and they haven't worked too well
4. drink is no respecter of social class; just as there is not a single tramp alive who was born on a park bench, so, whether you drink 14 units of Spesh or 14 units of champagne, you have drunk an immense amount and will probably make poor and possibly dangerous decisions as a result

I'm only an ex-drunk myself, not a doctor, not an expert; and any individual could prove me wrong.

Nonetheless, if I was to advise anyone, I would say, go with the odds, not against them.

There is only so much sugar-coating of a message like that you can do. Perhaps the best is to recommend abstention one day at a time rather than swearing off for life. And that is what I advise.

But, as always, sorry if I have offended anyone in the process, it's not my aim.

I went to see Doug Stanhope on saturday. He was funny, I thought, but he raged against AA a bit, which obviously i didn't like. But I have to say that, whatever else I saw on stage, it wasn't a happy drunk. Maybe he is brave enough to die for a principle; but I'm not.

morning mif!, you honey you!

whos this doug stanhope geezer?, i always picture you doing intellectual posh stuff, while wearing one of those cardies with leather elbow patches!

You are right, but even intellectuals need a night off from the elbow patches.

Doug Stanhope is a comic, very much in the Bill Hicks mode - he used to appear on Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe with a sort of comment piece and his tag line was "I'm Doug Stanhope, and that's why I drink."

Basically, he is exactly the sort of person who, when I drank, I was always hoping I would find next to me at the bar - a heavy drinker, but very intellectual, funny and biting.

Sadly, neither he nor anyone like him EVER showed up in any of the many pubs and bars I frequented at all times of the day and night over the years. Only really boring, stupid, fighty (and often quite racist) people.

Odd, that.