The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Giving Up Booze For Lent.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse.

We are a Bus load of posters with various relationships with the demon booze. Some are sober, some are not and some are inbetween.

So come say hi and meet the rest of The Babes, there's always plenty of room on the Bus, the doors are ALWAYS open.

No judgy pants are worn on this journey, pants yes and even the odd Tena Lady but always of the non judging variety.

Previous Threads

Trist - sorry you have a poorly baby on your hands.

Ah, the little voice that tells you when you stopped, you over-reacted, you don't have a drink problem or abuse alcohol, you can a glass or tow, can't you?

Well, of course you can. But will it be no more than two? Or will you have to finish the bottle? And then open another.

You're not alone, I too got that voice and even DH was unsupportive at first. The whole - 'you're not an alcoholic, you just drink too much and pass out'

Yes, I admit I am in more control of my drinking now that I have ever been at any stage in my life but I know, that if I wobble (and I do) I'll be that bottle + a night Mouse again in no time at all.

The fact that you are exhausted won't help you either, you just want to relaxe and reward your hard work today looking after a poorly DC with a nice glass of wine.

But why undo your week of amazing control? Why go back to the start willingly?

Plus, you will feel physically worse than any hangover you've had of late because you've not had a drink for a week. Your body will rebel and you'll feel like Deep Fried Dog Vomit

Has anything triggered you wanting/thinking about a drink sweets? Is it because you're knackered do you think?

Ah, thanks both.

Just posting it has made me realise it's in fact a sneaky attempt to get me to have a drink, isn't it? (i do realise it's all me, but you know what I mean!)

Nothing triggered it other than habit, I think . I am knackered and fed up, but not excessively so.

I have also just laughed and blushed at realisin the other subtext of my thoughts, which I think is that I don't think I "deserve" to be an alcoholic - I do have very low self esteem, but WTF is that about?!

Trist - can you explain that? What do you think an alcoholic is? I always thought it was the smelly old tramp cliche. Then as I got older and a little wiser I realised that wasn't always the case at all. I'm not trying to trip you up, just trying to understand how you feel about booze IYSWIM

You see I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic, some of you may disagree, but I do know that I have had, and could still have, a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

But today, I'm in control.

How does drinking to excess make you feel trist?

It's crackers, and doesn't even make sense in my own head, so heaven help anyone else tring to understand it, but here goes.

I know it's not the smelly old tramp. I know that according to AA literature it is, in fact, me. But then I think, well, how come I managed to stop when pg? How come I will usually drink just enough to stop me doing anything useful of an evening, but rarely too much that I can't function at all the next day? Surely, all that being the case, I am just greedy and need to exert my willpower, rather than suffering from an illness which is so incredibly corrosive ( and I do believe it's an illness)

How do I feel about booze? I'll put it this way, wine-tasting would be wasted on me; it's always been a means to an end, if I'm honest. Right at this minute, I hate the thought of it, but I've drunk so regularly and for so long that I have a peculiar sense that I don't have enough about me to make a go of being sober, that being an old soak was an excuse to hide behind.

I have the unfortunate capacity to drink most people I've ever met under the table, but I have far too many horrid memories of where that's got me.

Sorry for drivelling, am just thinking out loud, really

...sorry, meant also to say, I can usually stop after a few nowadays, vut I find it bloody diificult not to start.

Trist I don't think you're drivelling, what you say rings a lot of bells with me.It is hard to put that mindset away. I always felt as if a real alcoholic would struggle far more than me to stop, you know, a real alcoholic is someone who is really struggling and suffering. Whereas me, I could stop ... well, for a day or so ... but surely I could stop ...

I knew what I was doing but I'd follow that little circle of bad logic round and round and round.

I think talking about how you rationalize things to yourself on here does help, or does for me - it makes me realize how much brain energy goes into using every scrap of evidence to tell me I should be drinking. The argument 'yes, you are a functioning alcoholic but WHY NOT STOP?' is really hard for me to remember, but I think it's the only one that really makes sense in the end.

I thinks that's the same for most, if not all Babes here. That first drink is the one that does the damage, not the last.

I think it's good to think aloud Trist, it helps you to look at your thoughts from the outside IYSWIM.

What do you want to do Trist? Do you want to stop or do you want to cut down?

Sorry LRD - not ignoring you sweets xx

The sense of relief this last week I've felt this week - just one thought:"I won't have a drink today" - instead of the circling round and round, makes me think that stopping outright, for now at least, is what I want. I'm paranoid of posting too much identifiable, but there have been other factors over the last few weeks which really should have stopped me drinking, but haven't, and that has been a major wake-up call for me.

\thank you, and LRD for listening, it really is a huge help

Trist - you really have just got to go with the flow of what you feel works for YOU and take it slowly. Listen to your body too, if you are craving a drink, it could be other things, like hunger or that you are thirsty so have a huge galss of water and some food first.

And, if you do drink, don't beat yourself up about it. Just start again, and start where and when you want to.

Off for a walk in the sunshine now, with Nemo and the wolf. xxx

Sorry about typos, that's what less than 5 hours sleep does to me!

trist are you me??!!
That is the same little voice having the same conversations.

Your 15.23 post is what I enjoy most about not drinking, it does not consume my every waking thought - when will I drink, what will I drink, how much, how will I hide it etc. So much easier to just say one thing - Today I do not Drink!!

hello. thank you to all who indulged me yesterday. had decided to join in and chat just now, but soooo many posts !!
Had a tough morning at work, 14 year olds can be so foul at times, albeit that I love being around them most of the time... nearly over for hols now though.
I am not drinking tody.
somebody(venus?) said yesterday about habits being less ingrained now than they were a few months ago; feeling optimistic that that is true.
HAppy weekend to you all.

Hey Algee
You are sounding much more chipper today!
I can also become overwhelmed by the amount of messages here, but I just continue to jump in and post.

It helps me - so that's all that matters .
Glad that you have decided to get a weekly pass to the bus rather than an occasional day trip ticket .

What have you got planned for your Saturday evening, I used to feel really resentful about weekend evenings, I felt that I should be allowed to drink on them!! Actually now really enjoy them sober, and enjoy making the most of the rest of my weekend. Saying that I have done bugger all today - but that was through choice and not through a stonking hangover!!!

mouse we did the therapy thing way back when I felt it was all my fault, and that there was something actually wrong with me, and when i still wanted to save things.
It took me a very very long time to admit that while I am fond of DH and wouldn't want any ill to befall him, I don't love him and I don't want to be sexually intimate with him.
If he were to tell me tomorrow he was leaving I would justr feel a huge sense of relief, wish him well, and start having a life of my own.
But he, and the children would be devastated if we split, so we don't. And won't.
it's ok, it's been like this a long time, I'm kind of used to it

It is true, algee, you just have to give yourself a chance to find out . The cravings do not last for as long, the distractions work more easily, I can even watch tv programmes sponsored by wine companies without having to cover my eyes and ears during the advert break.

trist (and others) I find that I find it easier to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic, and accept it than to struggle over the exact definition of what I am. Like others, I'd imagined a 'real' alcoholic was someone who was in a worse state than I was. I would have been OK with calling myself a 'functional acloholic' - I DID function, worked, lived, ran a family, had a social life, and I think that I held some kind of false belief that a functional alcoholic was not as bad as the other sort. But I know that in reality my functional life was a half-life. OK I could get up and go to work, but I can no longer pretend that I was always operating at full capacity. I had a social life, but that was only a legitimate excuse to drink in public (with most events topped and tailed by some secret drinking at home before and afterwards). I had a family life, but I question how long that would have stayed intact if I'd carried on.

So today, I will not be drinking, and that is one easy decision , and it makes me happy.

Family night. Pizza dough made and festering, fires raedy to light inthe grates and bugger all on telly probably!
Family in the garden just now, I'm baking and looking at the 'puter. Hven't found weekends so bad recently, the habit of NOT drinking was establishing itself nicely. Took some doing though, as for dh the SAturday night bottle was something to look forward to, blisfully unaware of the extent of my own liver pickling activities all week. In fact, because we were drinking together for that one night, I quite possibly drank less than usual. Gross.
You?

ma tough choice to make.

algee your description of your previous saturday nights made me smile - I had my sister staying for a few days last year - we had wine every night - just the normal kind of sociable amount people have with dinners. She went home to recover after having had so much to drink all week, I thought I'd had a detox

blinkingheck, posts are like buses round here...venus, i'm on it, really helped comingback here yesterday if only to 'fess that my 'illness' was a hangover...taht'll be the catholic in me. In fact my 'illness' is my relationship with alcohol, clearly

venus...lightweight wine then! If you're going to have a glass, why the hell not have a bottle! Never understood suppose that's why i'm here!

LRD my dp decided to invest in a bottle of de-alcoholised wine last night. I had been avaoiding anything like that becvause I worried that it might just give me the taste for the real thing - no such chance, it was vile and I don't think we'll be trying that experiment again. He has 3 sips, I had one, rest down the sink. Back to water . Perhaps we bought the wrong variety.

It is so interesting how we all find different ways of dealing with this in our lives, and I've just discovered that alcohol free wine isn't my way.

About those secret drinks before and after social drinking.

I once heard someone say that only alcoholics don't get drunk at civilised dinner parties. Not that I go to many civilised dinner parties, but I totally got it. I wouldn't drink more than perhaps one glass of wine before going to something like that, and would moderate what I drank whilst there but I'd have something stashed at home so I could get absolutely blotto at the end of the night. I learned over many years that drinking beforehand was a fool's game because I would then make an arse of myself, but if I kept the proper binge for afterwards I could just about get away with it. I think that's probably true of quite a lot of alcoholics.

It seems I have spent a lot of years thinking about these things without realising the significance of it

I'm going to a second meeting tonight (went to one this morning). It feels a bit excessive to go to two in one day but tonight's meeting is one I really like. It's huge and it's a speaker meeting so I can just listen and learn.

It will also keep me busy and I have cheesecake in the fridge for when I get home

Golly..with you there. So much part of what I hate about it all, the deviousness.
Glad your meetings are of help.

Yeah algee I've never understood that one either. Some years ago (before dp) I went on a couple of dates with a guy from work. One evening we went for a long country walk then went back to his flat for a coffee or something. He was showing me round his flat, we walked into the kitchen and he asked if I'd like a glass of wine instead... was just about to say yes, when i realised he was indicating a bottle that was already open, with the cork back in it ??????

He explained that he opened a bottle most weeks (most ???) (WEEKS ???), and then liked to have a glass with his dinner, most nights. Instant decision on my part - this would not be a relationship that would work well . I opted for the coffee, and never saw him again.

venus! I'm afraid I havebeen all too guilty of passing over perfectly 'nice' people as potential friends because their drinking habits were so DULL! I wonder how many beautiful friendships I've missed out on? Guess they al had lucky escapes though...