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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he woke our child up shouting, just to get at me, don't know what to do

154 replies

mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 09:41

yesterday, he promised he would put his dog back in his bed downstairs, as his dog has been sleeping in our bed (!!!) which he knows I really dislike, he wakes me up with his scratching and such.
So I was like phew finally I'll get a good night's sleep with the dog back downstairs.
It gets to bed time, he starts saying he doesn't know what I'm talking aboiut and of course the dogs coming it. I managed to get the bedroom door key and locked it from the inside, leaving him and the dog outside, (and me and our baby inside, whom I have next to me because I breastfeed).
He starts banging on the door, I said I'll let him in if he promises to take his dog downstairs, but he won't. He pretends he has no recollection of him agreeing to earlier in the day.
So he starts kicking the door in and shouting that I'm being 'a psycho' because I'm not letting him go to bed.
Then hesaid well he's going to sleep in my 4 yo son's room, so he went into his bedroom and shouted 'come on get up' and kept clapping and said 'you have to sleep on the landing, because mummy wont let me in my bed'.
My son (who's got special needs as it is, with his emotional, language, behavioural development) wakes up crying and crying saying 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry mummy'.
Then my partner says 'see look what you did' to me.
I was in shock for a minute then got up and found my partner comforting our 4 year old and stroking his head back to sleep.
But I was so angry at DP when he came out I grabbed his hair and twisted it and said that he's a sick fuck for doing that to my son, and he's lucky that's all I did, I wanted to hurt him a lot more for upsetting my son.
I said I'm leaving you tomorrow.
Tomorrow is here and he just got up and asked me to watch the kids while he showers, which I'm doing of course, then he goes 'what's up?'
I said nothing, he goes 'fine fuck ya then'.
Can't take another day of this. :(

OP posts:
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 19/03/2011 09:44

Can you get him to leave? If not, do you have somewhere to go?

This is a terrible place for you and your children.

FriggFRIGG · 19/03/2011 09:44

LEAVE NOW.

FabbyChic · 19/03/2011 09:45

OMG that sounds horrendous. Your poor son, and poor you.

Have you anywhere to go? You can't be with someone who treats your son and you like that.

He sounds unhinged.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 19/03/2011 09:45

my gut is saying leave, he cant scare you 4yo like that, that is awful.

Sad if you cant take another day then please dont

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/03/2011 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valleyqueen · 19/03/2011 09:46

You shouldn't be the one leaving, his behaviour was completely out of order. How horrible for you and the dc's.

UndiscoveredApprentice · 19/03/2011 09:46

I don't normally ever post on threads where I am tempted to say leave, but honestly, why would anyone want to stay in this. It is not about the dogs - it is the complete lack of respect and that fact that neither of you seem to like each other. And that's before I even get on to how awful he was being to your son.

Get him to leave, or you leave with the kids, but don't let this one limp on.

mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 09:47

it's his house.
I left and went into a hostel before.
But I came back as I felt so bad for disrupting the children like that.
I'm seriously considering going back to the council and asking to go into a hostel with the kids.
But it means changing nurserys, big changes for the kids and leaving my puppy here, because the hostels won't take pets.
He's usually nice during the day, and great with the kids :/

I really hate him though.

He called me a whore in front of my sister before.

OP posts:
FollowMe · 19/03/2011 09:47

Whose house is it? If its yours then tell him to leave now. If he refuses then call the police.
If its his house and he wont leave then you get out of there NOW with the kids and go to a friends or your Mums or anywhere you can (any friend, no matter how recent or not particularly close to you yet will be happpy to help out in an emergency like this)
Good luck

StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 19/03/2011 09:47

If you don't end this, it will damage your children.

I grew up with this sort of thing. I ended up in hospital for depression, anorexia, alcholism, suicide attempts..... It's like slowly dripping poison into the minds of your children, day after day.

hugs good luck xx

HalfTermHero · 19/03/2011 09:48

You need to leave before one of you is arrested. If you value your children then don't let them continue living like this. Yours sounds more like a battlefield than a relationship Sad

TandB · 19/03/2011 09:50

How is this possibly less disruptive for the children than you leaving?

Are they his children?

He is mistreating a child to get at you and you are using physical force on him to punish him for that behaviour. This could not be more unhealthy.

FabbyChic · 19/03/2011 09:50

Do you have any money? Can you save? Maybe stay there until you have saved enough to be able to rent yourself somewhere?

jesuswhatnext · 19/03/2011 09:50

changing nurserys is the least of your childrens problems! - sorry to be harsh, but you had them, now do whats right for them - GET OUT!, this man is abusive at worst and stupid at best!, having been to a hostel you know you have a real alternative!, for gods sake use it!

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/03/2011 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoofffyShmoofffer · 19/03/2011 09:51

Your poor DS. Get him out or go. Sad

You are clearly at the end of your rope. Don't leave yourself in a position where you could be construed as being in the wrong when you have been driven to it.

Best to get out I think.

mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 09:51

i know this needs to end, i suppose its just a case of when and how, i gave up my house and everything to move in here, last year, he took on my kids.. :/

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 19/03/2011 09:51

Id have done time for someone treating my 4yr old like that, i think you were incredibly reserved..well done. But dont tell anyone else about the hair bit. No-one. If this ends up in court you dont want anyone knowing your bad bits, only his. that may sound low, but i dont care, the way he treated your child rings massive alarm bells for me. it sick and twisted, and the kind of person who could treat a child like that would have to be, well, SICK AND TWISTED!

Leave, or make him leave. Goodluck

Crystaldolphin · 19/03/2011 09:52

No, you shouldn't have pulled his hair but I suspect he would have been wearing his nuts as earrings if he had woken up MY child like that, I have a child with SN too. Is he his Father?

Time to get out of this one, one way or another. Obviously more has been going on for you to sound this desperate Sad. Is the house in both your names?

RueLaChesty · 19/03/2011 09:52

can you go and stay with your sister for a few days until you decide what you want to do? Or at the very least can she keep your puppy while you and kids go to a hostel?

Sorry it sounds like a horrible situation! :(

wellwisher · 19/03/2011 09:53

Have you spoken to women's aid for advice? Long-term, staying in this situation will damage your dcs much more than leaving. Sod the puppy, your children are more important! And it sounds like the dogs are the best-treated ones in your house...

Crystaldolphin · 19/03/2011 09:53

He did NOT "take on" your kids. I hate that saying. He was lucky you allowed him to be part of their lives!

purepurple · 19/03/2011 09:53

Nobody has the right to treat you and your children like that.
He sounds like a really unpleasant person and you need to leave him for the sake of your children and your own sanity.

Please do not let him abuse your children in this way any longer.
is there any way you can go to a relative's house for a while?
Don't feel bad about leaving the puppy. Your children are far more important.
Good luck, make the decision and follow it through. You can do it.

jesuswhatnext · 19/03/2011 09:54

no love, he hasnt 'taken on' your children!, he has abused them!

FoofffyShmoofffer · 19/03/2011 09:55

"Took on your Children"

and now using them against you to get his way.

Please take StewieGriffinsmoms advice.

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