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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he woke our child up shouting, just to get at me, don't know what to do

154 replies

mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 09:41

yesterday, he promised he would put his dog back in his bed downstairs, as his dog has been sleeping in our bed (!!!) which he knows I really dislike, he wakes me up with his scratching and such.
So I was like phew finally I'll get a good night's sleep with the dog back downstairs.
It gets to bed time, he starts saying he doesn't know what I'm talking aboiut and of course the dogs coming it. I managed to get the bedroom door key and locked it from the inside, leaving him and the dog outside, (and me and our baby inside, whom I have next to me because I breastfeed).
He starts banging on the door, I said I'll let him in if he promises to take his dog downstairs, but he won't. He pretends he has no recollection of him agreeing to earlier in the day.
So he starts kicking the door in and shouting that I'm being 'a psycho' because I'm not letting him go to bed.
Then hesaid well he's going to sleep in my 4 yo son's room, so he went into his bedroom and shouted 'come on get up' and kept clapping and said 'you have to sleep on the landing, because mummy wont let me in my bed'.
My son (who's got special needs as it is, with his emotional, language, behavioural development) wakes up crying and crying saying 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry mummy'.
Then my partner says 'see look what you did' to me.
I was in shock for a minute then got up and found my partner comforting our 4 year old and stroking his head back to sleep.
But I was so angry at DP when he came out I grabbed his hair and twisted it and said that he's a sick fuck for doing that to my son, and he's lucky that's all I did, I wanted to hurt him a lot more for upsetting my son.
I said I'm leaving you tomorrow.
Tomorrow is here and he just got up and asked me to watch the kids while he showers, which I'm doing of course, then he goes 'what's up?'
I said nothing, he goes 'fine fuck ya then'.
Can't take another day of this. :(

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 09:55

It sounds really horrible a place to be. Quite clearly, this is not a healthy environment for children to be raised in, let alone a home for you.

You behaved spectacularly immaturely last night by locking him out of the bedroom, but his reaction was abhorrant. The hairpulling amounts to DV as well, so this is a very very unhealthy situation for all.

GET OUT NOW. For everyone's sake. There are charities that will foster pets in these circumstances.

AMumInScotland · 19/03/2011 09:56

How can "disrupting the children" be worse for them than them having to live in a house where two people hate each other? You know you have to stop this, as soon as possible. Phone the council today.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/03/2011 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crystaldolphin · 19/03/2011 09:57

Where do you live? If it's near me I will look after your puppy, that's a serious offer btw.

Mamaz0n · 19/03/2011 09:57

Is he the father of your children? I am assuming not.

Get your things together and call womens aid and ask for a refuge place.

My ds has Sn too. I left when he was 4 and DD was 10 weeks. The time in the refuge was far less damaging than the years prior to it.

Leave. as soon as you can.

squeakytoy · 19/03/2011 09:58

I think this would probably be better on the Relationships board, as you are most certainly not being unreasonable at all.

Sn0wflake · 19/03/2011 09:58

I think you should go as soon as possible. Your poor boy.

ensure · 19/03/2011 10:00

Please please be strong and get out of his house. If he can treat your son like that, who knows what else may be round the corner.
Get out.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/03/2011 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGreatStupendo · 19/03/2011 10:05

Second what CrystalDolphin said re puppy (though will have to check with OH!).

squeakytoy · 19/03/2011 10:13

Your children and you are the priority today. The dog can stay with him.

You really cant continue to live in this sort of atmosphere, as there is a very real chance it is going to escalate into a much worse situation. Both of you sound volatile with your tempers, and the children need to be removed from that. They are your children, so you, as their mum, need to be the one to provide them with a home where two adults are not kicking at doors and pulling hair.

Do you have family you can go to as an immediate place until you can sort out something else?

Shakirasma · 19/03/2011 10:15

OMG I have a 4 yo son with the same sort of SN as yours. The thought of someone treating my boy like that turns my stomach.

He is a very cruel, selfish man. You have a responsibility to you children to protect them and that means you need to leave now!

mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 10:35

Thankyou for moving this thread, I couldn't find the relationships area myself.

We live bottom of Lincolnshire, near Peterborough, If we go into a hostel I would take that offer seriously about looking after the pup, if you're near? thankyou.

Well I asked him to please leave (as his mum has a 6 bedroom house next door to herself)
and if not I would leave with the kids.

He said he's leaving and he's going to kill himself. :(
He's said this before, and I've been sympathetic and comforted him each time, this time I'm not bothering.
I just don't have the capacity to run after him right now, I'm looking after my two kids, the last thing I want is to 'patch things up' just for all hell to break loose again.
I'm just relieved to be staying in this house with my kids, we're settled it's lovely here.
It just goes to show that it's not healthy if I'm not even running after him when he's threatened suicide.
I'm more worried that if he does it, his whole family will blame me.
Blah

Thank you everyone, some for taking my side, usually I go to his mother in tears when things go bad, as she's the only one close by, and she tells me what I'm doing wrong, because of course her son's on the pedestal

OP posts:
StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 19/03/2011 10:38

Good for you.

Ignore the suicide crap. Make sure you get his keys.

lubeybooby · 19/03/2011 10:43

Not only do you have to leave, you have got to make sure you don't go back. You owe it to yur kids

Get out as soon and as safely as you can, and ignore his crap about suicide etc.

mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 10:50

Well he's left to go up the feild with his bird shooting gun or whatever it is, (they're all farmers here), where he said he's gonna blow his brains out.

I thought I was okay as I have the main door key.
But I just went to get dressed and he's locked the bedroom door so I can't get to my clothes!
This, to me, shows that he is coming back.

OP posts:
TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 19/03/2011 10:54

I would kick the bedroom door in to get in that room. Or take the handle off. I would then call his mother and tell her what he did to your son in the night. That is disgusting poor poor DS. Hope your ok?

vinestein · 19/03/2011 10:57

Sad please leave him. He is not serious about suicide that's a ridiculous abusive threat. Please, please go. The thought of you there another day, and him there another day being so awful to your son, makes me really sad and concerned. There are lots of wise people here, who may have trodden the path before you. Heed their advice.

UndiscoveredApprentice · 19/03/2011 10:57

I would personally leave.

But as a compassionate human I would phone the police about anyone who has gone out with a gun and says they are going to blow their brains out. I couldn't live with myself not doing something.

TysonNobdie86 · 19/03/2011 10:59

omg, cant you leave now while he is out? Or have you no clothes at all atm?
I would be scared for my safety in your shoes tbh.
If my bloody car wasnt in the garage I would go and lend you some clothes, look after your pup and take you to a hostel!
Thinking of you :(

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 19/03/2011 10:59

I would definitely call the police right now, they take a dim view of people threatening violence with a gun.
Best to nip that in the bud right away.

Crystaldolphin · 19/03/2011 11:02

This is going to escalate. You need to leave right now. Am I the only one who is concerned that there is a gun involved here?

emmybooboo · 19/03/2011 11:02

Why are you still in his house? As a dp, you have no legal rights to be there. They are not his kids either. Go now whilst it's safe. Get the police to help you later, why are you waiting,

UndiscoveredApprentice · 19/03/2011 11:02

Oh, and I wouldn't want to still be in the house if he comes back, as he will still have his gun.

I think get out quick and call 999, and if you cannot get out cos of the locked doors, call 999 first.

squeakytoy · 19/03/2011 11:03

If you have a good relationship with his family, go and see them now. Explain the situation. Get them on side so that he doesnt go round there first telling them what an unreasonable bitch you are, and let them have a warped view of the situation before they get a chance to hear the truth.

He isnt going to blow his brains out, but the thought of there being a gun in the house does worry me.