Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he woke our child up shouting, just to get at me, don't know what to do

154 replies

mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 09:41

yesterday, he promised he would put his dog back in his bed downstairs, as his dog has been sleeping in our bed (!!!) which he knows I really dislike, he wakes me up with his scratching and such.
So I was like phew finally I'll get a good night's sleep with the dog back downstairs.
It gets to bed time, he starts saying he doesn't know what I'm talking aboiut and of course the dogs coming it. I managed to get the bedroom door key and locked it from the inside, leaving him and the dog outside, (and me and our baby inside, whom I have next to me because I breastfeed).
He starts banging on the door, I said I'll let him in if he promises to take his dog downstairs, but he won't. He pretends he has no recollection of him agreeing to earlier in the day.
So he starts kicking the door in and shouting that I'm being 'a psycho' because I'm not letting him go to bed.
Then hesaid well he's going to sleep in my 4 yo son's room, so he went into his bedroom and shouted 'come on get up' and kept clapping and said 'you have to sleep on the landing, because mummy wont let me in my bed'.
My son (who's got special needs as it is, with his emotional, language, behavioural development) wakes up crying and crying saying 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry mummy'.
Then my partner says 'see look what you did' to me.
I was in shock for a minute then got up and found my partner comforting our 4 year old and stroking his head back to sleep.
But I was so angry at DP when he came out I grabbed his hair and twisted it and said that he's a sick fuck for doing that to my son, and he's lucky that's all I did, I wanted to hurt him a lot more for upsetting my son.
I said I'm leaving you tomorrow.
Tomorrow is here and he just got up and asked me to watch the kids while he showers, which I'm doing of course, then he goes 'what's up?'
I said nothing, he goes 'fine fuck ya then'.
Can't take another day of this. :(

OP posts:
grandparentsnow · 19/03/2011 12:49

mumtotwoboys - Good Luck

Xales · 19/03/2011 12:51

The police should be called. This man is threatening to take his life with a gun. Many stories are out there of people who take their children/parters first.

This needs to go on record in case he DOES do something. His license needs revoking and his gun removed as he is not suitable to have them!

How can it be better not to call the police and risk SS when leaving a man who is going around with a gun threatening to kill himself (and who knows what else he is capable of as he seems to have no compassion for the children)??

If you are leaving and taking care to protect your children SS are not going to steal them. If you stay with him and put up with this behavior there should be SS intervention to protect them.

The more the police have on record about his irrational behavior the better your chances of keeping your children protected and away from this man. Now it is just your word against his and what may he do when he has access and you may not be there to protect them. Peter was spot on about getting it recorded.

Now get all the docs you can together, a few changes of clothes, whatever you can manage fast and get the hell out of there and away from this man.

Original poster
mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 12:55

his mother is actually giving me a lift now, I told her I wanna stay at my mums for a few days.
If i told her whats really going on she will get angry with me, honestly if he shot me right in front of her she wouldnt care.
He was shouting and swearing at me in front of everybody one time, which was humiliating enough, she stood there with a smirk on her face.
She saw him drag me over and fall to the floor and he was obviously angry and hurting me, she said 'oh i saw you fall over, you need to stop winding him up.;
Anyway I'm getting the hell outta here.

Thanks all

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 19/03/2011 12:56

Advising women not to call the police when they, or their children are in danger of their lives is seriously bad advice

I think people who have had bad experiences with the police are in the minority and should not project their own agenda on a thread like this

If you don't call the police when he has a gun, locking people into rooms and threatening all kinds of violence (even to himself)
what do you do instead ? Try to reason with him ? Yes, reasoning with a man on the edge is gonna keep you safe Hmm

My apologies to OP if I read it wrong earlier. I thought you meant you called the police when he had the gun, then lied to them that everything was ok. In my shock, I responded harshly.

My advice remains though. Please get help in RL from professionals who will assist you in protecting your children.

FriggFRIGG · 19/03/2011 12:57

why are you getting a lift with a woman who is clearly as mental as her son?!

if i were you...id get the bus!

PeterAndreForPM · 19/03/2011 12:59

x-posted with OP.

Get away from him love, and stay away

Relying on his mother doesn't sound too great, tbh. Do you trust her, bearing in mind what you just said? Can your own mum not arrange a lift for you ?

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/03/2011 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeterAndreForPM · 19/03/2011 13:01

and you cannot get a restraining order without evidence

hiding his abuse of you from the authorities makes you less safe not more safe

colditz · 19/03/2011 13:01

I said get out FIRST and then call the police.

Bad experiences with the police from women suffering domestic violence are not uncommon at all.

colditz · 19/03/2011 13:02

When you get to your mother's, OP, please call the police, tell them about the gun, the threats, the locking the door. Tell them everything.

But get out FIRST unless you can't, and then you must call the police.

Lulumama · 19/03/2011 13:03

I wouldn't let the mother know where you are going if she does not see the abuse .

get a bus, get a taxi, get your mum to pay at the other end , but don't involve his mother

pinkfluffyprincess · 19/03/2011 13:05

Will you call them OP? This isn't a "run of the mill" abuser, he sounds sick. I've been in an abusive relationship but there's a difference between a twat and a maniac. Good luck

soblackandwhite · 19/03/2011 14:28

HI OP glad you are leaving.
Don't go back
:)

Skinit · 19/03/2011 14:34

God bless you for being so brave andd strong! You're doing the right thing 100% and things will soon be better...you deserve peace in life...so do your DC....best of luck.

FourFortyFour · 19/03/2011 14:40

You really can not take a lift from your MIL. She will then know where you are and tell her son.

I really hope you have left and never go back. You do not work being together.

giveitago · 19/03/2011 18:03

With x - he should not be able to have a gun - countryside or not. Its not about where you live it about the process and reasons about why you need guns and if you are fit and safe to handle one. He's clearly not. The police will take a very dim view of this.

Go forget the comfortable home - he's abusing all of you and why the f did he think it was his right to have a dog in the bed with a breastfeeding baby? His treatment of son was disgusting and none of this bodes well.

Go and don't look back. Do not engage with his family. You have your own family to look after.

He's sick.

Lougle · 19/03/2011 18:18

Are you safe now, OP?

StealthPolarBear · 19/03/2011 19:23

Agree with others, get as far away as you can then call the police
Sounds like the dog will be well looked after, your children will not be

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 19/03/2011 20:20

are you at your mums yet op?

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/03/2011 21:02

The thought of your poor son crying and saying sorry mummy just breaks my heart I hope he forgets what happened.

The hardest part will be staying away from him because of the baby.

He is a sick man and enjoys hurting you. Mil is nuts too.

My DH cousin is a police inspector and they do take dv seriously. He always says his job is to protect people from the baddies, as he calls them.

Please let us know you and the DC are safe at your mums.

Original poster
mumtotwoboys · 19/03/2011 21:41

we're out and my kids and comfortable sleeping in a seperate place where he doesn't know where we are.

I can't forget him being so mean and angry and violent in front of my kids >:(
He dragged me out of the house several times, hurt my wrists and I mostly tried to stay calm not to upset my kids. I calmly sat outside in the frost with no socks or shoes on, cause he'd kicked me out and I didn't wanna cause a scene so had to wait until he felt like letting me back in.
I'm gonna have to be a single mum again, back to square one.
But I'll be glad to be back in control of myself and my kids.

I'll need to get into a hostel monday, so still worried about what to do with the pup, he's only a baby we got recently.

I wanted to stay away from the police because I don't want the authorities (social services) to go 'ohhh she's put her kids into another domestic violence situation' because it's happened before

OP posts:
Naoko · 19/03/2011 21:51

OP, I am so glad to hear you're somewhere safe. I've followed your thread but not posted before because I didn't think I could add anything to the excellent advice you've already been given. I understand you're worried about what to do with the pup, and just wanted to let you know there's a number of schemes to foster dogs for people fleeing DV situations. Please have a look here: refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/what-about-pets/

If none of these are in your area, it might be worth contacting one anyway and seeing if they know of someone who can help you out?

ledkr · 19/03/2011 21:54

good girl,well done.SS will appreciate you getting them out of the situation and would only be concerned if you stayed.The hostel should also be able to help you to move on so will womens aid,it takes a lot to walk away you have done well,hold your head up and be proud.There were some suggestions on here for the pup,i know its sad but your children are your priority.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/03/2011 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TysonNobdie86 · 19/03/2011 22:09

Im so glad you are all safe now. Maybe Valhala on the pet board may be able to offer some advice regarding your pup, i know she is very caring and smart when it comes to dogs etc.
Post there about pup and ask for her, see if she can help :)