Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Hi all. Lots of lurking but rubbish at posting atm.

Lovely eve with MumFun last night who cooked me a fab meal.

Followed by nice catch up with friend on the phone.

Today I will brace myself and organise house valuation (head out of sand emoticon).

Tomorrow I will go for retail therapy with friend in order to feel my soul.

Yesterday I played piano very badly. Today I will sort myself and throw myself at it with gay abandon.

Thankyou for ur support starting,I wasn't sad at Xmas,when he opted out,I think I was still at the bitching stage,ie you' ll never guess what he has done now .as he slides down the slippery slope I notice how far away from responsible parenting he has travelled.

Waves to happy well done on valuation !!!
Woo hoo for shopping and piano x
I know what u mean re men getting.I have so much to organise this summer I would have to have a real slow ,no time to see them relationship.complete opposite to my usual jump in exclude everything and everyone else .
Just to say is anyone interested in doing the 9 boxes in Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway book? .all about working on 9 areas of ur life ,work,friends,hobbies,relationships,studies etc. Anyway I'm going to start ,I think this is a great exercise towards positive independent living patterns .the more confident I feel the less I even think of my life with X.
BIG SNOW HERE LOL !

Waves to sov ,hope ur feeling a bit more comfortable this week x

Hi everyone. Patience - I'll do the 9 boxes. Getting there but stiil have this undercurrent of sadness and real longing for exbf, which is funny because I'm longing for a person who didn't exist and I know that even in our happiest times I knew that he wasn't really committing to me or in love with me - he is in love with himself and I was very good at making him feel good about himself. Still. I miss our Saturday morning routine. Tea, fag, music, doing the crossword together until we gave up and had great sex. It's weird but I feel like someone is waiting just over the horizon for me and that al this will happen again - the excitement, the happiness - but this time it will be real. And I just have to keep being happy in my own little world until this happens. It's a strange feeling. Maybe it's because I'm not desperate anymore. It's just that at weekends I miss him. Read a great article in the Times today that said that when we break up from someone who has hurt us, we are missing the attachment to the other person, not the love, as love makes you happy, not sad and depressed. I'm definitely missing the attachment rather than the love. Think it's just another way of saying that my heart has to catch up with my head. Mind you, I'm so nearly there.
Sorry for this offload - hope noone minds. Hope you have all had a good day.
Happy - must get my piano sorted so I can try to play it. Great that you met up with Mumfun! Hi MF!
Getting - hope you had a great day. I coudl do with retail therapy too
Patience - hope the dancing was wonderful!
And Sov - thinking of you and hoping you are feeling better
Love to all x

Another fab nite , lots of glitter spray and sparkles x
Hope everyone ' s cool x

Ah fantastic Patience! x

Just booked the cinema for tomorrow morning. It's kids' club so get all three tickets for Alpha and Omega for a fiver. Not bad eh?

Waves to ggm ,have u got the book ? I Just need to get more organised ,need to get a bit more motivated ,just think it will help move me forward into my brand new life.its v exciting.
I feel that way too googs .be patient til u feel whole without thoughts of exs .then I think we walk around with a new found serenity.I think guys see it and only the strongest and most positive approach.we have a reflective beam to narcs and victims ,we have lost our rescuer tag and these blokes will swerve us for a weaker model .
Watched Anne of Green Gables ,today,found a double video,absolutely in my element x

Haven't got the book but going to buy it soon. Feel the same way - just need a kick start into new man free life. So I'll do it with you. Wise words about narcs and victims / rescuer tag - too bloody true.
Bloody loved LOVED Anne of Green Gables books when I was a lass. Oh, feel good just remembering them! Onto third Narnia chronicles book with boys. Well, with T really. W just sits eating apples and saying "Who's that again mum?"

Cinema is fab ,I love taking the dcs,I'm a film o holic these days even if its just sky plus ! Did u get snow ggm ?

Just waiting for dd to return from show,left her with my m and d for 2nd half and to watch the glee style finale.I am throwing an after show party with strawberries and milky ways and pink donuts ,enough to rival elton john.
2 guests over 70 yo,2 dcs 5yo and under so probably sleeping by half ten

Watched the bit today when Gilbert calls Anne carrots and she smashed her slate over his head .then she dyed her hair green and was in the depths of despair x

Haha! Might dye mine green too! Fabulosity at pink party - go for it! x

Chilling now ,winding down with late night Hannah montana x

Morning everyone

Patience hope the party went well. Have you still got snow ? Mild here

Just posted on a thread about the Guardian separation diary which I havent read. Its really made me think about the impact of our split on our dc. As you all know I have worked sooo hard on amicability/being positive about xh etc and typing my post I realised how hard and hurtful that was last year with all the ow stuff. Because I was able to do that though it has meant my dc have come through it all really well and now of course it more or less comes naturally to me and is my normal reaction.

Wrapped up in myself with selling house etc these past 4 months or so I havent thought too much about this but now realising that they are 2 happy kids doing well at school with plenty of friends etc and seemingly unaffected by our split I am so happy about that.

At this point in the interest of balanced reporting I need to acknowledge xhs role in this. In the 15 months since he left he has only once turned up late to collect them, he has never messed us around with changing days or not having them when he should. I am sure from a couple of snippets that in front of them I am spoken of respectfully and he always supports any decisions /requests that have arisen. So far hes given them money for Mothers Day etc presents for me. He has always let them know he is on hand for all of us if anything crops up and they/we need him.

Anyway had a fabulous day in London yesterday, went to Leighton House Museum which was brilliant and so quiet and peaceful which is no mean feat for a saturday. Also explored a part of London I have never been in before and wow the wealth and posh shops but all lovely to look at. Then went to see Animal Kingdom which my friend wanted to see and she didnt like much but I really liked . All in all a wonderful day which will keep me going for quite a while

Meeting friends for walk then coffee later this morning and then I think I am going to start going through cupboards and beginning to get sorted to move. Got the survey in the post yesterday and been reading it over coffee and its made my heart sing but also think I need to start doing something.

Hope all dumplings have nice days and that exs meant to be having dc turn up

Back later

I don't know what the long term affects will be for my kids.I think there is a good chance dd will idolise her father like all little girls but much healthier she won't take his side in a home life situation ,just have fun on weekends.same with Ds he won't ever witness dv and have to save mummy.they will never be spoiled materially and will always to be encouraged to work hard and play sports.
They have learned at an early age life isn't perfect,whether affected by bereavement or divorce these kids bubble gets burst re fairytales early on,but I think realistically it gives them more coping skills emotionally thru experience as long as they don't repress their upset.all I know is they have a stable peaceful world now and they didn't have that b 4 .

Just quickly I was at Leighton House yesterday - last minute change of plan with a friend -fabulous!! Small world eh?????

X arrived today ,he had promised to take kids swimming,dd has a bday party after lunch ,I asked X b4 I rsvp ' d and he had agreed,anyway he left all flustered having to buy a present ,find house,etc. and kids all hyped for swimming wielding light sabers.
After double dance shows tbh ,buying a magazine and a packet of maltesers for a 5 yo wouldn't even make me flinch.
He gave me some money and tipped the trampoline back over,which seems to have survived,hurrah,so all in all a good morning ,resisted commenting on his clothes ,but clean for the party ,tg,
Away to church now to belt out some hymns ,Allelluiah !

Sorry to be the party pooper but I'm not having the best weekend. XP turned up to collect ds yesterday and I told him I wasn't going to pack his bag, that I would go out and he could help himself and pack whatever was needed. I was very tearful/angry. Packing his rucksack has become symbolic of the split to me and makes me feel soooo sad. I spend the whole morning clock watching and getting more and more stressed. Saturdays never used to be like this. More grief, I suppose. XP and I had an angry exchange which ended with us both in tears and hugging each other. All the time I'm hearing a little voice saying 'never seek solace in the arms of the one who betrayed you' which was advice given to me by a mumsnetter in the very early days.

Anyway, XP text me last night to ask me to go out with him and ds for dinner today. Not sure what to do. When we get on it's great and I want ds to see that To be honest, I want that for myself. But, is there a hidden agenda? Or shall I just go and stuff my face and let XP add the bill to one of his many maxed-out credit cards?

I've also become a bit obsessed by whether OW is still on the scene and I want to feel indifferent and not waste my energy on that silly game again. I have heard that she has split from her H. It has made me feel very confused. I'm glad she's going through Hell but so worried that she's going to get closer to my life again. The thought of XP with someone else has quite a novelty factor but with her, no way! XP is very aware that he would lose contact with ds if he pursued a relationship with OW so any contact will be a deep dark secret. I wish I could sit back and wait patiently for it all to go tits up. Maybe, if he would settle financially, I could. But it would seem he can't draw a line under it all just yet. He's trying to keep me dangling.

Elsie my advice would be to keep things businesslike.I feel u need to protect urself from the attraction u feel for xp.
If he isn't with ow there will be someone around at some point .
U said b4 u don't want him back.
Can ur son not pack his own bag? He can ask his dad what he needs on the phone then he's already to go when xp arrives at the house.
I think the sooner we get into the new routine the better.I grieve my marriage but nothing I can do now that will bring that back .I protect myself on a Sunday ,its a long time since my X saw me emotional.better for the kids its unemotional.I drove by them today at 2pm.I just waved .didn't feel anything bad ,just thought I'm going home to eat a scone drink tea and watch the rest of Anne of green gables.
This too shall pass ,Elsie.
Try and work on the things u can control in life and the truth.
Try not to focus on things out of ur control and speculation.
Big hugs x

Thanks, Patience. It's just a blip I'm sure. Just part of the grieving process. Onwards and upwards x

Elsie,just to let u into my world,X phoned up wanting to drop dcs home 2 hrs early .
Now I could think he is meeting his gf,or seeing as he didn't take the kids to his house today I could think his gf is staying there now etc etc,
but he ain't my man anymore,only what he does with dcs concerns me .he was very polite and I always think that means he is lying but who the feck cares anymore .
All I know is we are watching camp rock dd is doing a show and let's sing a song about happiness cos my name is barbie.Ds is playing the light saber luminous green guitar and wearing cool shades and can't see cos the light is off.
It's only for such a short space of time I spend with x now ,I can do indifferent most of the time,he's so full of shit his eyes are brown and I don't need a bloke that's full of shit .

Ur right,u thought u were going to be with this guy forever,that's a lot of broken ,love and trust and a lot of hurt.u swing from one emotion to the next then plateau,then something else sets us off.all ur asking him to do is sort out ur Ds maintenance.its not going to change is it.what's his problem ?