Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

patience i've pm'd you xx

Patience, please don't go. But if you do, please come back soon x

Just woke up to a text from XP telling me I'm not welcome to watch ds at football today. So, I was required to go to parents' evening but I'm not allowed to go to football? Well, I crumbled over parents' evening but I'm buggered if he thinks he can tell me what to do on my weekend with ds. Just more of the same, him grasping at the last shreds of control. Just because the rest of his life is out of control he thinks he can drag me into the mix. Anyway, I've already told ds that I'm taking him and staying to watch. So, XP, put that in your pipe and stick it up your arse. But I will, of course, smile sweetly when I get the XP scowl.

I've had a lovely card from big ds saying how he he'll never forget all I've done for him in the last 21 years and how I've always been there for him and he'll never, ever forget that. And I know it sounds petty but will little ds ever be able to say that to his dad? Nope. The only bad thing I did as a mother is allow XP into our lives. I have a lot of guilt about that.

Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely day today, especially Happy. The hard times are the real test of being a mum and it's the hard times that bring you closer to your dc.

Did anyone get in bed? No, me neither .

Happy Sunday everyone. Hope you come back Patience, lots of love and support here.

Grrr at your XH Elsie and thank you for your kind words.

Just been to church. Tried out a local one. Very good actually. Maybe I have found the one. But full of smiling couples and kids. May go back and try the evening service, could be more suited to singles! Tea, I am probably going to go to the other one next week if you fancy it.

Now need to go back and wake up DCs to get me breakfast.....

Morning

Elsie what a cheek , I hadnt really picked up that things had deterioated so much between you and XP ? That might be awkward with you and xp glaring at each other accross the pitch ?? Glad you got a nice card from your ds , you have been there massively for him with all the medical stuff and court case etc .

Well I was up ages before my dc but dd made me coffee and they had got me a card each and a pressie , very sweet. Today will be the day to get them to do all those outstanding jobs as after all its Mothers Day

Also I am going to make them go for a walk with me , its a gorgeous spring morning here . I remember last spring feeling quite empty at the flowers , trees budding etc so its lovely to feel joy in those things again

Xh offered to do ds football and its miles away so thats a result , think hes still feeling guilty about the other week

I hope everyone has a lovely Mothers Day we all deserve it and I hope those with little dc still manage to somehow get some spoiling

Hi Getting, hope you have a lovely walk. Even more fun with a dog, you know .
Things haven't really deteriorated between XP and I. It's just that he's really floundering and lashing out. I'll probably get a text with kisses on later. It helps me to stand back and realise how much he's struggling and how much further I have moved on in comparison. He has lost control and lost everything.
The other day I suggested he sort himself out with permanent accommodation as his flat is only temporary in his eyes. His reply was very cryptic, "if only you knew how difficult that is" he said with a look of despair on his face. WTF? I don't know either . I think he's in freefall now.

Hmm the thing is although you dont want to see them grinning from ear to ear that sounds awful too. Do you think its emotional or financial freefall ?

I went to church this morning, the new place for the 4th weekend in a row. Happy I'll ask ExH about next week and see if he can babysit. The kids made the mum's a pretty card whilst in the kids work but then DD wouldn't give it to me after! LOL

To console myself this afternoon I've made fruity scones, a belgian cake and Blamange for the kids dessert after tea ExH has come over though with a card from the kids and some chocolates from the kids to me and some pink champagne Gosh totally unexpected and I couldn't decide whether to put it on the thread considering what some of you ladies have for an ex. So I hope nobody thinks I'm bragging, just feel shocked. But I think if things with OW were different I'd probably not have got anything.

I have a feeling I've missed something important down thread as I've just spotted something whilst glancing quickly so I'll come back and comment better in a bit.

Much love to you all and happy mothers day. Someone posted on my fb this morning: "Seriously Tea, well done, I can't believe the strength you must have, I crumble at the 1st hurdle! You lovelies really amaze me! As they're still too small to spoil you, make sure you spoil yourself some today!" But I know I have it easier than some of you on here and I have a lot of admiration for people like Patience whose Ex's are awful. So special big love out to those of you today x

Tea, pink champagne? Big loud clanking warning bells are going off. You can bet the gf doesn't know. Hope you get a chance to put your feet up and enjoy a glass or two of it later.

Ooo Tea, please can I come to yours for Tea and cake .

I have just made DS2 a cuppa tea and some diggy biscuits (DS1 still in bed ).

DS1 made me the fabbest breakfast btw, complete with flowers and presents. I was even made to return to bed for it to "rest".

And now getting on with divorce paperwork (ish). >

Back from lovely meal in local restaurant with my mum and the girls - then 'pretend' mum and tossbag came to collect them. For the first time, I went outside the house, looking fabulous, all cream skinny jeans and high heels and gave the girls a big hug and kiss before they got in the car.

It's the first time she's seen me (lost 2 stone and acquired a new trendy wardrobe...and fuck you attitude since he ditched me)

oh... and the first time they've had the girls after they've been drinking pints of Coke in the restaurant and are all sugared up from the huge desert they had. Good luck with that. Mwah.

You can have tea, Happy, I'm having a glass of champagne with my cake . Glad you got your brekkie and back to bed to boot. No less than you deserve.
I completely ignored XP at football and it went without incident. However, when I got home there was a big bouquet waiting. DS said that XP had arranged it. Told you he's got a screw loose. The freefall is probably financial, emotional, mental, spiritual and every other way possible. He is a lonely, lonely man who really must look in the mirror and hate what he sees. He's even convinced himself that I hate him.
Ho hum. DD is cooking dinner later. Big DS is in Brighton but will be home again in a couple of weeks for the next round of operations. Can't wait to see him.
Hope everyone is ok x

Ooh lucky ladies my dc lost interest after handing over cards etc and refused to go walking. Sigh

Kate I am so so so envious thats what I want to do and one day I will just need to lose the three two stone and buy a trendy wardrobe

Well done Happy although at your perversity of doing the forms on today of all days after all this time !!

Right I haven?t been reading the thread fully since Friday So here?s another attempt at a catch up.

Patience ? thank you so much for the great ideas for DS, you?re a star. Maybe my ExH should read the homecoming as that?s exactly what his mum did through his childhood and I can read it too. Thanks Patience.

?but this is just all about him and he justifies it by saying its my fault? Yep Patience your Ex is a complete scumbug. You?re an amazing mum. Loving hearing about slow burner man updates Also how amazing about the candle, jug, glasses and chat at the table. Wow. Great news about your website for your business Patience. Can I have a link when it?s done? So I can buy your fab products?

Completely understand what you?re saying in your post yesterday at 11:16:49 about not wanting them as teens blaming you. You are amazing and no matter what your ExH throws at you you do your very best to ensure you do not hinder him seeing them.

?hopeless wife girlfriend and woman.He said this is nothing to do with gf he just doesnt want me and i should just accept it.? The guy is an arsehole and makes my blood boil. No idea what his gf meant in her text. Eh?

?how do u co parent with somebody incapable of reasonable behaviour?? No idea but I think you will make a lot of money if you write your own book about your story and your advice as you?re one wise lady and I truly believe you can bless others through the awful situation you are walking. You also consistently support others on here with wise words despite the crap in your own life.

You?ve got things far harder than many on this thread and I really feel for you. The lack of money and struggling to put food on the table due to his lack of financial support is awful. I?m not very articulate but I think a lot of what people type on here is meant well but misunderstood sometimes, as none of us can truly understand. I do not think you?re attached to your ex for what it?s worth. But it?s awful the way he behaves and how little he sees the DCs that would upset most mums. Being separate from a lot of what has been typed on here in the last 24 hrs and having been on this thread with you all for a longtime I think a lot of what people have said has been misunderstood, I truly do not believe anyone meant to belittle how you feel or make you feel worse or that this wasn?t a safe place to vent. Patience you?re going through absolute shit right now and your ex is a total scumbug and low life and none of us can fully understand that but please come back to the thread.

Pink ? flippin? love your post to Patience yesterday. Says it far better than my inane rubbish with regards to her ExH.

Dee34 ? If it?s edible eat it or drink it but I?d be tempted to throw it away in the early days of my marriage breaking down if it?s a card etc as it hurts too much, everything is too raw.

Happy ? I?m sorry things are tough again with DS [Sad] Well done on starting paperwork. You can come to mine anytime x

Googoo ? good point about testerone and growth spurts, he?s grown loads lately. Completely amazed that your crazy boss has been so helpful with providing extra hours at school to replace those you?ve lost through Govt cuts. Brilliant news. It?s a real turnaround compared to how things were with you before. LOL at your boys wanting to start a fire. Yes DS defo needs fresh air everyday and walks. He now enjoys walking to collect DD from nursery and back on a rein so that?s a big tick Can you sand the front door down a bit? Looking forward to drummer man updates in the hols

Starting ? are you still feeling tired? How are the DCs chicken pox now? Yes DS is 2 and a quarter now. ExH has offered to pay for the locksmith now My neighbor now has a spare key for next time. My kids still use anyway up cups

Sov ? hope you?re starting to feel better, sorry you missed your date.

Getting ? wow 20th as the move date? Coming round quick. Exciting. Hope you managed the walk in the sunshine.

Elsie ? on my second glass already They?re still ?on a break?
How?s your power supply today? Glad you did go to see DS football. Damn right! How lovely about the card from your eldest DS Makes it all worthwhile. How weird about the flowers. Binning them or keeping them?

The champagne is starting to work so apologies for any typos or bad grammar

Kate ? love the fact you looked gorgeous and went outside to kiss them goodbye. Love love love it!

Tea, I'm shocked! Boozing before 3pm and swearing the other day. You go girl! Definitely keeping the flowers. I'm a waste not, want not sort of girl. OW bought me some Thorntons for my birthday last year and I enjoyed every mouthful .

And swearing again

I definitely do not like the F or C word. I don't feel right using those at all. In fact I'm not a natural at any swear word, too long being a church girl but I cannot think of any words that truly can express the stuff Patience has to deal with, apart from rude ones...

Ha! Paying for my drinking now. I feel so drowsy

Thanks Tea . Your ex has done good and I'm really pleased for you, don't think you're bragging at all.

Happy, glad you've been treated well by your DC too.

Had a nice relaxing day with my DC today though when I was hinting to DC2 about the whereabouts of my fowers he said " I spent £40 last year on flowers for you and that's for the next 5 years" fair enough I suppose.

Pink glad you had a good day with your dc

Tea agree its not bragging , your xh sounds like a kind man - hope you didnt drink the bottle !

Starting did xh materialise to give you a Mothers Day break ?

I still have some in the fridge

Yes he was an arse when we first split but for the last year apart from not giving me much money, he has been reliable with kids and consistent. Today was a pleasant surprise but he is paid cash in hand on Saturday night so his wallet was full. LOL

Right been dreaming about nice things I wish I could buy for too long on the pc, time to return to reality and cook something for tea for me.

Nice to hear of chilled dumpling days. DD "cooked" me an M and S mothers day dinner and tidied her flat which is a major achievement for her. It was lovely. And, as predicted, XP sent a text saying, "I'm glad you are ds' mom x". Being able to predict his mood swings rather negates the drama of it all.

My day in brief..............breakfast in bed from dc's. Huge bouquet of flowers & balloon delivered from xh with card saying "thank you for three beautiful children" this from the say person who was uncontactable & never showed up for dc's . Thought there was only two possible explanations 1) he's looking to reconcile 2) it was his final goodbye (I mean that seriously as he frequently gets suicidal). Tried his phone & it was switched off. Said to hell with it & got on with day & spent a few hrs in park with dc's. Dc's then preformed a play for me . Then phone rings & I can here xh's voice booming from the kitchen, dd asks him why he didn't ring, he asks why she didn't ring she says we tried ringing loads of times & left a message, I can hear him arguing that there was no message, then quietness. I walk in to dd & ask what happened, to be told he said he didn't need to listen to that & banged down phone!! Que dd v emotional & crying about why she has such a fwit for a father. Just after I had dc's in bed phone rings again & xh is as nice as pie saying how are you . Tried to reasonably point out that banging down phone on dd was not a good thing considering he's trying to build bridges atm. He then started giving out about the other night when he was saying there was another way for ds to sort out person who had kicked him & how he spoke to a counsellor who told him dd shouldn't have intervened in this . I knew conversation was going nowhere so I was suggesting he say sorry to dd before she fell asleep when suddenly he launched into how it's all my fault he has a criminal record & finding it hard to get work, police think he shouldn't have been charged, blah, f** blah.

Well there you go, bet I'm the only dumpling that started day with flowers from xh & ended it with an abusive phonecall !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Starting good grief

My dc are now screaming abuse at each other , neither of them are ever wrong -vile

oh starting What a day. Honestly, the abuse lots of us ladies have meeted out to us beggars belief.

Happy Mothers day all dumplings, hope you all had a good day.

Lovely to see you all doing so well.

Patience, please stop any contact with your exH he sounds awful and is just trying to bring you down.

Hi Elsie, really pleased you are doing so well, I lurk on here daily and do feel that I am moving in the right direction and have been on a pretty even keel, I have had my first bad day yesterday for 3 months.

My ds moved into a rented flat down in Eastleigh with his girlfriend yesterday so my life is changing as I wont see him so much now, I then received a texted from H, havent heard from him for 2 months so had that awful sinking feeling, I then had to attend a retirement do last night and the first thing I see is pictures of my H all over the room with the guy that was retiring, (I took the photo when we had all been out motocrossing) really knocked me and I had the first tears in a while. But today is a new day and as Patience says this too shall pass and shes right, it will!