Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Oh and big thumbs up for cheering me up Pink .I know where to come for a bit of compassion.

BTW pink do you get maintenance?Cause if you do you dont understand any of what i have been posting.Do u really think ithought X was going to turn up for football practise ffs !He doesnt do kids Pink.He saw them6hrs in March .This is all about my kids struggling financially ,sorry if it didnt read that way but my kids are owed thousands of pounds that they will NEVER see.He conned me emotionally and now he is trying to con me financially.My kids are going without because they have a greedy bastard for a father .That is why i am sad.

And he will be at my door at 10am tomorrow ,cant wait !

Patience - so, so sorry to read what your ex is putting you through (cant believe the texts he is sending you. What an utter git). I know that you are so strong and have given me lots of encouragement and positivity, so just want to offer this back to you. You can and will get through this. I can only imagine how it must feel to have been lied to for all that time and the recent revelation of all the crappy stuff. Big, big hugs for you and your DCs.......

Happy Mothers Day to everyone.
x

Talking of mothers day.....

What are people's thoughts in general on the whole cards from lying, cheating ex's on behalf of those DCs that are too young to buy/choose their own?

Am tempted to throw anything that stupid ex sends me.....but I guess I should probably be posting in the 'chin up....' thread in terms of where I am mentally in my thoughts (i.e. hate/dislike) for ex....??

Can i just say that before this last bit happened I was at peace with all of this .I had moved on and wasnt the least bit bothered when i spoke to X on the phone or saw him on Sundays but the lack of financial support has really knocked me back because without any support from my X I am literally struggling to put food on the table .I am very stressed about it and im sorry that some people dont understand that .Dee my X wont even know its mothers day and has demonised me so much now to get out of any responsibility its completely irrelevant.
thankyou for your kind words and i know THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Hi all. Lurking but not posting much.

Crashed a bit this week and having a bit of a meltdown.

DS a challenge. Has gone downhill a bit in the last few days and am starting to remember how things really were before he went away.

Have been attempting divorce forms but may need to abandon until DS is a bit more sorted. Work also a challenge and feeling the pressure of having to support me, kids and house etc. No dosh from XH and he of course wants my dosh. Getting, I may need to commission you to help me as the divorce form expert.

Looks like the despatch of DS back to me was a group thing done by various members of XH family which feels a bit odd to me. Especially as they seem to have kind of abandoned him to me and I have virtually no support (just one v kind cousin).

Read your post earlier Patience and definitely think detachment is the key. I am not very good at that but working on it and having XH hundreds of miles away does help. I actually started to send him a stroppy text earlier and stopped myself, must be progress.

Waves to all. Dee, I would buy a parent presents from the kids if the kids are young.

Patience, all of us have been conned emotionally and financially, not just you, and all of or kids will be thousands and thousands of pounds out of pocket because their dads have done abunk and are spending money on booze, the ow, the ow kids (in my case) exotic holidays etc. It's not just you, it's all of us.

I get maintanence for 2 of my DC because that's the law and that's what I paid my sol to do. My exh earns a huge amount and he gives me as little as he can get away with. I have 3 small businesess which I work very hard at and without which I wouldn't be able to manage at all.

Yeah know what you mean Pink. I feel like a whinge. BE is pretending not to work which makes me very angry!! especially as I am often being told by the kids that dad is at work atm ffs.

Rant over.

Happy I hate hearing you sound deflated like that This time last week you were partying and having fun ...

I would be pleased to help you fill in forms , your forms sound like my CV ie something you are quite capable of doing but for some reason you cant and it makes no sense

I dont know why but a phrase you said the other week about about BE passive aggressively waiting for his windfall just stuck in my mind... if it helps at times I would love to have a salary and career so successful that my family could live on it instead I am doing GCSE maths atm !!!!

Dee I cleared my loft pending moving last week and all the Mothers Day cards xh had written where the dc were too young hit the bin , so often the pain is in the details isnt it

Money might not bring happiness but it sure makes life fucking hard if you haven't got it. How these men sleep at night beats me.

I am expecting a stupendous card from DS via XP. I want some serious acknowledgement that I am appreciated as the parent who didn't shit on my whole family. He's buggered off leaving me to cope with everything. A gift wrapped car would be in order for what he's put me through. But Fathers Day will be another matter. Definitely no card for XP. Unless ds insists.

Rant over Happy ?

Ok I think we need to take you to rant school that was rubbish

Dont know what your problem is at all Pink tbh,
This thread was always a non judgemental place for people to post on ,a safe place when they dont have RL support .So what if im typing out how i feel ,would you rather i didnt bother and kept it inside me .This isnt about someone posting a quick fix about how I sort this out.Its about being compassionate to others as we all go through the different stages in our journey.Im sorry you feel the need to state the bleeding obvious and im glad your husband supports his kids .This isnt about money for me and hopefully when im divorced my kids will be supported but right now i have zero financial security and im worried .Will i get over it yes ,will i look after my kids till they leave home ,of course i will .
Im just sorry you dont understand .
Happy i know u dont get anything from X and i think it sucks he wants money from you .
I posted my honest true feelings on here tonight and I know you did the same Pink but at the end of the day one of us was looking for support and the other thought posting a "get over urself "response was the best way of doing that.
Do you know why I never posted anywhere else about my abusive marriage ,was because I didnt need to hear stuff like that.I know I should have left the first time he throttled me ,but what was i a doormat?a punchbag?A useless girlfriend wife and woman.

Grrr

Howzat?

I am better at shopping than ranting (and crap at forms)

Mothers day is bringing the Tossbag qualities to the surface. I asked my dickwipe to drop off my eldest daughters clothes off on Friday. He did. Along with ALL the cards we had sent eachother over the years, valentines, birthdays, Xmas, ect - topped off with a photo of us together.

What did he think? I was going to make a shrine to our everlasting love? Well, I made something. A mini mountain of bin bags full of that meaningless crap.

I'm sorry that we go through this awfulness with our shitbag ex's - but we will survive, we will get stronger and we will end up much better than them, spiritually, physically and mentally.

THANKYOU ELSIE FFS SOMEBODY THAT UNDERSTANDS !!!!!!
I have invested all my money in my little business and i did well today but only pt because my kids are little and all because way back when X wasnt going out with gf he paid his way.

pmsl kate about cards ,my dd keeps wanting to see me in my wedding dress

Happy, really sorry to hear about situation with ds Sending virtual ((Hugs)) & agree with Getting..............rant?? That wasn't a proper RANT

Agree with all of above, tis shit & yes we all got screwed over but I think like Pink says the only thing you can do is dust yourself down & get on with it. My xh used to pay me 8 times the maintenance I get now. Then he p**d it all away & I was always the first to get cutback. Now he's more or less bankrupt & I have to liquidate my pension & money I had invested for me & dc's to bankroll him. Tbh we all end up suffering one way or another financially when we separate so I've never allowed myself to get bitter over this. Tits out, onwards & upwards!! Speaking of xh he seems to have gone awol

Ok no worries why dont we just change this to an auto response thread.
When anyone writes about what a shite day theyve had and X has played a blinder yet again lets just answer.

GET OVER YOURSELF THIS HAPPENS TO MILLIONS OF WOMEN EVERYDAY STOP MOANING !

What does everyone else think ?

Is he really awol though starting
What if one of his friends tells you he saw him down the street and he just couldnt be arsed
you know what the new answer is
GET OVER YOURSELF THIS HAPPENS TO MILLIONS OF WOMEN EVERYDAY STOP MOANING

We all have terrible, dark days - and through no fault of our own. This forum is a place where we come to recover, talk things over and support eachother. These awful, disgusting men have let us down. We are stronger than them - we may disagree about the best way to move forward sometimes but we are all aiming for the same goal - to be the best women and mums we can be.

Love to you all tonight
Kx

Patience, I have always done my best both on this forum & off to offer my support. I was just trying to say we've all been screwed over by these men one way or another. I certainly wasn't telling you to "get over yourself" nor do I believe anyone else told you this. Sometimes things may be misinterpreted when your're just typing it out on a page BUT I think everyone on this forum means well & is trying to offer help & support.

OUR PRIMARY PURPOSE ON THIS THREAD IS TO HELP & SUPPORT EACH OTHER - NOT KNOCK EACH OTHER - WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH HELL ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

Sending LOVE, SUPPORT & ((HUGS)) TO ALL

@ starting x

Yes Kate I used to think that too,but i after tonight im not so sure anymore .Ive not been this worried in a long time.

Way back in Sept my X told me to get over it , why couldnt i be happy.
Now im getting told the same thing here .
Yippee !

OK im off ,good luck to all of you ive met along the way .

my post about your X being awol was meant to be a laugh just what i deal with everyday one way or another .Sorry you misinterpreted it.