Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Starting, hope you got some sleep.
Mumfun, what is US tubing???

My last text to XP was: shall we take it in turns to do parents' evening? He replied: No Thank You. I was tempted to fire back with: well just watch me, plus Tea called you a twat and it doen't get much worse than that. Didn't think it would have the same impact on him so I resisted .

Hope a good day is had by all. Off to bed myself now.

Ok am on top dumpling form.

Had my appointment first thing to file for divorce and it couldnt have felt more routine, in fact better than that the sol queried a couple of points in our Deed of Separation as odd and I explained xh liked to be in control and his thinking behind these points. This sol stared at me for a couple of seconds and then said I bet you feel well rid of him ha ha ha !

Yes indeedy I meant my parting words to her which were " Quick as you like !"

I think some dumplings from the chin up thread pop on here so just to reiterate my first visist to a sol last March saw me in floods of tears afterwards , chain smoking before and after and just generally heartbroken. A year on ? See above and that will be you too

Had a fab night out in London last night and popped into the Apple store and went on MN on the new ipad2 >

Got my Dad and sm coming for lunch today which I am looking forward to and then a long weekend as dc school shut tomorrow

Lovely wild wind and rain here I love this kind of weather

Hi everyone, have been lurking but alway's too tired/busy to post, have started my learn direct course online :o

I'm looking for advice, i have been chatting to a NM on POF and we have arranged to meet at mine for coffee tomorrow lunchtime
Have organised DM to have DC for a few hours so we can meet but now i'm starting to panic, he seems really nice, single dad of 1 DS 15yrs (he has custody), he's a bouncer at a pub and i have made it very clear that when we meet tomorrow there will be NO SEX just coffee and biccies and a chance to see if we like each other in RL, but now i dont know what to talk about, what if we dont like each other, should i change where were meeting ect ect someone please give me adviCe i'm on the verge of calling the whole thing off, i want to meet him but am petrified of the unknown, this will be my first date since split and i'm also worried about comparing him to X and suppose worried incase i can't move on from X, i feel ready to dip my toe back in but not sure if it'll work, all my insercuritys are starting to surface HELP!!

Hope everyone's ok btw :) think i moight post this in relationship too but i really value your opinions more than anyone elses :)

Ok saw sb man ,def talking to me and I was doin well ,then Xs friend from yrs ago turned up and said guess who I met at the supermarket X and gf.Lost my vibe a bit and just felt raging ,bastard shopping and his kids haven't seen him for 3 wks and no money either says he is working away all the time,just angry about his priorities,wanker

Hey Sov I met my NM on POF. First date I've been on - ever, really...my two previous ex's were from my circle of friends. But i was with Ex for 13 years so it was pretty scary!

I had spoken to him quite a bit on the phone - so I knew we could chat easily and he's a BIG talker :) so I was sure there wouldn't be any gaps in the conversation. I was worried that I might not find him physically attractive but he was nice and friendly and even though he is the polar opposite to my ex (deliberatly) I find him very sexy.

So! I was a bag of nerves, we met in a modern pub eatery in the centre of town - just for drinks...I wasn't ready to sit through a meal with him. I only had a couple of wines but went on the juice after that.

The best thing I found was getting a bit of support on the day. I do it through Twitter as people have been following my story on there but I'm sure we will boost you on here just as well. So I tweeted about my outfit, my nerves, and if I should be in the pub or walk in after him!! And I got a great response with people just giving me the confidence to JUST DO IT!

I also thought - I'm not looking for sex or marriage or even a long term thing but I DID need to dip my toes in the water again. And if I make a new friend or even an aqaintance then that's not a bad thing. (I've only really had ex while we were together - lost contact with my friends and didn't really go out)

Usual safe rules - told my friends where I would be, had enough dosh to get myself home and had 1200 people following #katesdate on Twitter! :)

And it was worth all the nerves and if my nm doesn't work out..I know I AM actually the sex bomb that I thought I was before Tossbag ex stripped me of every once of my confidence! and I will be back out there as I'm too good not to spread myself around this little world of ours!

Seriously, after all the heartbreak and crap - I think life is too short. Life (ex's) gave us lemons so lets make some lemondade!

I would say go for it. Feel the fear and do it anyway! - others may say wait, only you will know how you feel.

Sov, Sov, Sov,

I really wouldn't meet him at yours or give him your address.

If you don't like him you won't be able to get up and leave.

Meet him in a cafe. Say you've got 20 mins as you have stuff to do. If you like him you can say the 'stuff' can wait till tomorow.

There will be distractions in a cafe.

The thought of tea and biccies at home with a stranger from POF sends shivers down my spine, and what with him knowing there's a double bed a few short steps away.....shudder........sorry.

good luck. xxx

Away for a smoke ,pisses me off he thinks he can dump his kids

Anybody around need to vent

What's the arse hole done now?

Right my attempt at a catch up.

?I was tempted to fire back with: well just watch me, plus Tea called you a twat and it doesn?t get much worse than that. Didn't think it would have the same impact on him so I resisted? LOL Elsie

Getting ? That is so amazing at how upbeat you were at the solicitors. Hope the lunch was lovely and you enjoy the long weekend. Very of your night out in London last night. My social life is ?non existent-- shocking.

Sov ? Hi 5 on the LearnDirect course. I also think the same as Pink I think the meeting should be on neutral territory such as a café so if you want a quick getaway you can make your excuses and run

Patience ? ?bastard shopping and his kids haven't seen him for 3 wks and no money either says he is working away all the time, just angry about his priorities, wanker? Yep I?d be seriously angry if I?d been in your shoes. Vent away.

So great to hear from you on here and your positive vibe. Good advice to Sov.

????????..

My ExH has been offered a full time permanent job. Yes you heard it here first, after months on JSA from Oct 09 to Summer 2010 then some temping warehouse work for 6 weeks before he was laid off again and then JSA again and then some shifts as a doorman Winter 2010 until now, he finally, yes finally has full time work. References are being taken up and then he?ll start. Good Lord will he finally support me properly????

Gah! Why didn't the strike through work. Try again

non existent

Sorry Sov, am agreeing completely with Pink on this one. Think going on a date is great but you need to keep your home separate from this.

Patience, not much to say but ((Hugs))

Waves to Kate

Getting, glad your trip to sol went well & hope you enjoyed your day with your dad & sm.

ET, hope you got plenty of rest after your night shift.

Tea, hope you enjoyed swim with dc's.

Waves to Mumfun, happy, Goo, Offschool & anyone else I've forgotten

Well was driving dd to school this morn when she started to complain about her tummy (already had ds vomiting during night). Just did an about turn told everyone to get into pj's & switched off from the world for the day!! I've spent most of the day in bed.

OMG Tea said " arse hole ". Tea is defo following a more kick ass approach!!

Well done Tea on xh getting a job, certainly hope he does start to support you well.

Hey all

Thanks for advice Kate, sounds great am going for it

Tea and Pink, i posted on relationships and was called mad ect but had already decide i wasnt that comfortable with him coming here so have changed it to meet in a cafe in my town centre, he hasnt got my address as i wouldnt give it to him till the day anyway and now dont need to, have people checking on me so will be safe but still panicking, will be alright on the night :)

Patience, that would make me angry too, infact it does when i hear what X is doing yet he cant be bothered to see DC, so i feel your anger

Tea, that's great about XH's job, hope it makes things more easier for you if regular maintenance is paid and Hi-5 back am so chuffed about the course, i will finally have some qualifacations :o

X-post starting, sorry DC aren't well, hope your all better soon ((hugs))

J ust one lie too many and totally unrepentant.just hating me to ease his conscience.all my rage is back not seen the kids for 3 weeks and was seen 10 mins from the house

To be fair Starting "rotter" just doesn't cut it with Patience Ex

I was doing well with sb man ,then wham ,wtf ,anyway sb man said he was going to see me at my work

Waves to everyone btw,nice one sov,stay safe have fun.

Hope the pox is under control and everyone is good for Easter ,starting x

Glad you're now going to a cafe with him Sov, you had me quite worried there for a moment.

Well done for being brave and getting out there

Yay Sov. Good rearrangement. Good for you! Good luck!

Starting - good move to have a duvet day. Hope the pox goes soon! I hate being a House off Sick

Getting -fab sereneness. Have a lovely weekend

Patience - vent away {in Tea style hands over tea, chocs and } (hugs) too. I just keep thinking you need to find the DCs a new dad figure because theirs is deadbeat. Not a very practical thought at the moment but maybe long term.........

Tea - Im thrilled for you that X has a job! Hope it results in more money to you and kids! And you do well to take 2 littlies swimming -I used to find it hard. But lovely for them.

ET US tubes are tubing bought from the US - my phrase for them. But have found UK supplier so can buy here which is better.

Kate - thats a great thing to do it all on twitter - you have some nerve but good for you!

Unbelievably busy day. But very happy. LOvely exercise class this am and then out tonight with a lot of men again - :) and had very nice time. Getting my social mojo back.

Just sad this is the real bloke ,he must be besotted by her ,u see things clearer when ur not emotionally involved .just so sad for the kids,but like every stage once u get clarity its like a release.Today will never happen again.He is a dead beat dad.
Only the lowest of the low do this and i have to accept thats who he is.

Morning

Good luck Sov and well done for braving dating again

Tea thats great news about xh getting a job and from what you have said about him I am sure he will be helping you out more. I bet his gf will have an unpleasant view on that though...

Mumfun glad all sounds good with you

Nice to see you pop your head round the door Pink

Starting are the dc streaked in calamine lotion , thats my memory of chicken pox

Kate whats happening with NM now then because there was a small glitch with him being too high maintenance ? Also hows things with the house sale going ?

Elsie how are you feeling today ? I hope you have picked up a bit from the weekend ?

Patience I am so sorry about your xh what an idiot, sorry but I think you need to consider cutting him off completely because all this has a negative effect on you which far outweighs the positive contribution he makes to the dc lives.

Well I am sitting in bed on the laptop dcs school shut today

Had a nice evening last night at the school ladies night and had 30 mins reflexology which was heaven I love feet things.

A couple of the girls came back afterwards for a drink and one of them who is unhappy in her marriage started talking about it. I feel for her its so hard as theres nobody else involved but she doesnt love her dh even though he is a really lovely guy etc. I thought well I might get wobbles about my long term future , will I get a job will I meet someone etc but I'd rather that than what she has ahead. God matters of the heart are a killer

Good luck sov x