Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Patience, mine most certainly pushed me over the f borderline

Sometimes u only get one or 2 ,mine were covered dd was 6 mths.I got told off going to docs its bad for unborn babies if mother gets it ,I had bad eye infection at the time spots were dry ,I was half blind pushing a twin buggy,I think I swore at the doctor and I was getting filmed at the time for some assessment he was doing.

Morning

well done on seeing past the bs Goo

Starting my xh is like that. Recently dd was getting revolting teenage innuendo remarks from ds' friends at school about her and her "bf". Caused a to do the other week and xh got involved. I explained to him ds' friends had been making these remarks and he went off one to me about how ds should be sticking up for his younger sister and telling his mates he'll beat the * shit out of them if theres any more of it etc etc. Just reminded me of what a pikey twunt xh is about these kind of things >

Well all is well here getting lots of house stuff done , really hoping the sol will make contact about an exchange date very soon so I can book removals and start packing

Feeling a bit light headed atm enjoying feeling absolute detachment from xh, the divorce and everything . Its funny because its making me think less about posting on here because I feel like I dont have much to say iyawim ?

I think the next thing pre occupying me will be wanting a new man and what to do about it apart from lose a couple of stone, dye my greys and stop wearing tatty clothes all the time !

DD asked me why I never wear make up and I said I cant be bothered she said you should Mum you're so pretty, bless her I think she is desperate to upgrade me

Anyway I see I am not the only quiet dumpling lately ... hope everyone is doing ok and not posting because they are having fun

Patience, your post gave me a great laugh lol

Getting, your pretty enough not to need makeup . So glad to hear you're feeling chilled & relaxed about everything. Yes, it can be v frustrating when x's go against the morals/principles/values etc you try to pass to dc's. Tbh I had noticed this slide in morals/principles/values etc in xh prior to splitting up/discovery of infedility & I remember part of me wanted to split with him over this alone. In hindsight I can now see that this slide coincided with his own slide into infidelity so think there is probably a link in lowering of morals/standards of people who go the route of cheating etc. When xh comes out with stuff like that though it makes me so glad that we're split up

Well we now have a confirmed case of Pox! Ds has got it v mild & Dr said is unlikely now to get too many more spots. Fingers x'd now though that dd will get them now too so I can get it all over in one clean sweep!! Now have to cancel so many things I had scheduled over next few days & ds had a b'day party he was SO looking forward too . The joys!! Had a laugh with Dr though when he said to avoid pg women for the moment. I said I don't know anyone pg atm & he laughed & said that's an age thing i.e. I'm getting old!! Dr is same age as me though so was just cracking a joke

Starting I hope you've had it ? I had it at 19yo and never been so ill in my life !

Funnily enough a couple of things have reared their heads over differing viewpoints recently , I find xh quite reactionary in some of his ideas and he thinks I am a champagne hippy socialist so we were never reading off the same page anyway. I was quite pleased ds thought his dads homophobic rather odd take on a TV programme the other week was out of order. Yes XH often made me cringe when we were together but I always just rolled my eyes or switched off , wouldnt do that again I dont think.

Just an update , particularly to Patience , on my non smoothing over approach with dc and xh/ow. I was chatting to a friend yesterday about it and realised how freeing it is to just focus on my relationship with the dc and not be probing into the latest or wondering if I should say something and I think its adding to my own detachment from him

Off to London later to meet a friend tonight while dc are with him really looking forward to a good catch up

Nice one getting ,I think its like codependecy.we want to rush in and help but if we stop it allows dcs to think for themselves and develop coping skills.we are waiting in the wings filing our nails and doing beauty treatments if we are ever needed.

My X is openly stereotypical mysogynist now which I find really sad.dd was crying the other nite and he said don't worry son she's just a woman.I said no she is a 4yo girl.
Also told her off for not being lady like. She did the biggest deliberate burp.just very old fashioned way to talk I thought.I would say that was a loud burp and dd would say sorry mummy yet remained proud of her achievement

Yep xh mysogynist too but wouldnt agree with me , exactly the sort of comment about dd he would make too. I remember him telling me ages ago that he had thought he wanted to be with an intelligent challenging woman but then realised actually he didnt as I they are a pain in the arse ie didnt simper at his his every word , thought and deed . Idiot.

Great posts. Coping skills are so important -lack of them is how our Hs went off the rails in first place.

Youve all given me a good laugh this am.

Long term news here is that FIL was known to have only certain amount of time left. Now may be very short time so obviously very hard for H. Hard to write the detail though but dreading the eventual effects on his family and will bring even more codependency pressure on him which will make him even madder sometimes. Urghhhh!

Waiting here for interview date and operation date and hoping they wont clash!

DCs have been creating away for Mothers Day and have already had lovely heartfelt creations from DD.

Enjoying a lot of life at the moment - interspersed with occasional flashes of anger at the people who have not treated me right! Sister has new baby and havent bothered contacting.

For Patience and the non celibacy oriented girls!

Hi everyone. Patience - If I Were A Boy one of my faves of all time. I have also been known to sing "IT'S A LITTLE TOO LATE FOR YOU TO COME BACK!!!!!" rather emotionally in the car, much to kids' bemusement!
Played it to exbf in youtube once. He said he preferred the moomins. Spoke volumes...
Starting - hope chicken pox isn't too bad. My 4 yo had it when he was 3 I think and it was hardly any spots at all. Really weird cos his older brother had it when he was 2 and it was hell for him.
Mumfun - so sorry about FIL. Hopefully the emotional fallout will not fall on you x
And oh, my exh biggest sexist I know. If the kids cry he says "Stop crying like a girl!" and when we were still married and I wondered out loud if Hilary Clinton would ever be President he said, and I quote "Bloody hell, worse than a [black person] that - a f*ing MORT in charge!" mort being his charming word for a woman (means dead in French - don't ask why he called us that, no idea!). Or else he calls women "Hen" as in "Calm down will you hen?!!!!"
Gosh Mumfun, you sound serene love for having so much on. Thinking of you with op and interview dates.
Found out today that the job I do on a Wednesday, which is paid for by county, has suddenly been cut, so unless my boss can make up the difference I'm going to face a huge paycut, which could really affect things. Not going to worry yet - will just have to talk to the mad old cow tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Just a quick one to let you know I'm lurking and trying hard to keep up but failing a bit. XP continues to mess with my head being absolutely charming one day and then a complete bastard the next. Trying so hard to detach but then I get texts saying why are you ignoring me? Can't decide whether he's genuinely fucked up or deviously manipulating me. I've been roaming the hills with Wallace trying to distance myself from it all.

Mumfun - that clip is genius! Just put it on facebook!

Hi ET x post. So sorry you're having a bad time. The texting thing does mess with the head I know. You're doing a good job of detaching - keep it up. Hugs and a kiss x

Thanks, all kisses and hugs gratefully received . A typical text conversation goes:
XP - I'll drop ds bag off after I've finished work. Is that ok?
me - That's fine but bring your key as we probably won't be in.
XP - Why not, are you avoiding me?
me - Not at all.
Then later on that same evening I got:
XP - DS hasn't replied to my text, did he get it?
me - Yes, but he's in bed now.
XP - So I won't hear from him now. At least Wallace was pleased to see me when I came round.
me - DS is 10yo and not into texting yet. He loves you very much.
So, I'm left thinking WTF is going on here? I'm reassuring XP and explaining myself to him when he's the one that should be bening over backwards to make our lives easier. Grrrr!

Nothings going on, he's just an insecure twat love and probably paranoid to boot. Not very charitable of me but I hate that sort of crap.

I know, Tea. But why am I allowing myself to be drawn in? He's texting me right now about why I don't want to go to parents' evening with him tomorrow, bearing in mind that I have been up to the school quite a lot recently due to ds having counselling after he expressed a desire to see his father and OW stoned to death. I don't feel a need to speak to the teachers right now and I don't want to go with XP. I have never missed parents' evening but I would really like to miss this one. XP can text me to tell me how it went!
Sorry, but I won't be back tonight as I have to go to work. Another reason for not wanting to go to parents' evening as I am working a night shift tomorrow aswell.
I'm liking the kick-ass Tea who says "twat" and "crap" in the same post though .

me too - was just thinking that myself! :)

Hope work goes ok. It's very hard not to be sucked in when they do stuff like that, but I'm afraid everything he has done to you came to the fore and the anger started raging. Just tell him because I do not want to. Don't bother with giving him reasons. Do not get drawn into a discussion with him if possible.

Well that's my opinion

Love to you ladies, on my way to bed x

Too tired to post

Hmmm Im liking kickasss Tea too!

Elsie - what is he on - what is he trying to do? Urghhh. I have to say though as someone in a strange sort of rel with H at the moment that if you think about the reasons why you allow yourself to be drawn in you do get insight into yourself - can be enlightening for yourself - you can learn and grow from it.

Ive certainly realised a lot about me I didnt know before.

XP can for sure though go to Parents evening on his own.

Hope good sleep is had by all. Off to bed once I buy some US tubing for DS to chew - not supposed to be used for this purpose but medical professional has told me to buy it so I will. The joys of DS world!

Night to all in best Walton style!

You're all a bad influence on me, that's what it is

Going to take the kids swimming this morning. They're doing a kids swim for free thing so it's cheap.