Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Just received a 5 fig bill from solicitor in the post & if that wasn't enough there was also a rather alarming letter from the bank re other debts!! So just to add to all the emotional pain/distress etc I also have this to contend with thanks to my choice of mate . Ok, am off to write my gratitude list & do my visualisations of money arriving in the door as per The Secret . It's the best plan I can come up with for now anyway

Oh & the barrister did charge for two days, 2K for a few hrs work, nice work if you can get it .

Well after embarrassingly crying at alpha last night (you should have seen the fear in the eyes of the guys in our group) serenity has been restored this morning. Luckily mman was there to help sort out the pathetic mess I was in.

We had a lecture on evil and for some reason I just lost it totally.

Then started to panic about the party I am organizing and wondered how on earth I would deal with it.

Think that underneath it all the fear of the divorce money situation is just an enormous worry inside that gets bigger as I fail to deal with it. BE is not chasing at all (just passively aggressively waiting for his windfall as usual) but there are a few reasons I know I should sort it not least because as I earn and he doesn't the longer it goes on the more I will probably have to give (fecking angry and annoyed emoticon).

Am lurking on thread and taking all in mostly but feeling too hopeless to comment on much. Hopefully will be in a better state once the party of the century has happened.

Am going to find a friend to come around and finish forms with me.

Well after embarrassingly crying at alpha last night (you should have seen the fear in the eyes of the guys in our group) serenity has been restored this morning. Luckily mman was there to help sort out the pathetic mess I was in.

We had a lecture on evil and for some reason I just lost it totally.

Then started to panic about the party I am organizing and wondered how on earth I would deal with it.

Think that underneath it all the fear of the divorce money situation is just an enormous worry inside that gets bigger as I fail to deal with it. BE is not chasing at all (just passively aggressively waiting for his windfall as usual) but there are a few reasons I know I should sort it not least because as I earn and he doesn't the longer it goes on the more I will probably have to give (fecking angry and annoyed emoticon).

Am lurking on thread and taking all in mostly but feeling too hopeless to comment on much. Hopefully will be in a better state once the party of the century has happened.

Am going to find a friend to come around and finish forms with me.

Thinking of you Happy, the quicker it's all sorted the better. You'll be so relieved when it's over. xxx

Happy just buy lots of wine for the party ,will be fine !!!
Good to cry ,was it all about the Devil himself and temptations testing us ?
Big hugs ,do ur forms and cut that cord .
Glad MMn is around again.
Ok going for chat up today ,I am working on the assumption that if he doesnt fancy me he is gay or celibate.

Are yu doin cheese and pineapple hedgehogs ?

Yes Pink is right Happy , it isnt going to go away by itself but you can make it go away. XH now says we need to sort a different sol for divorce so that will be another week slipping by grrr. He is paying for the divorce in case you are wondering why am at his mercy here. In contrast to you Happy I am really impatient to get it done now

Just too say that was a tune for anyone that has ever been lied to by a man they trusted.
Oh and a message to my own husband ,ha ha ha ha ha ,your letter is in the post mate .You can shag as many barmaids as you like now ROFL.

Ah Patience, loving that second link in particular . Got my two sick dc's up dancing, just as well they don't understand what it means or that when ds asked me why I was smiling it was because I was thinking yes, yes, that's fu**wit alright

Happy, the party will be a blast & you can tackle legal stuff after. It's good to cry & certainly doesn't make you in any way pathetic!! ((Hugs))

Getting, yes lovely to have everything sorted

LOL starting ,yep and he wondered why he was crying so much,
"Oh ive been so cruel to u ,Patience "
Oh piss off you twat !
........at least he has found someone to dry his eyes and listen to his bullshit ha ha ha .

But the tins of cold beans are approaching fast............

Slow burner man not here lol ,but at least I'm making an effort ,sun is shining x

Need to take a deep breath got people buying the house coming at 7pm to meet me and for me to show them the ropes here, really not looking forward to it . I wish now I had kept my mouth shut and just left them a really long note when I left

Will be back soon to read but just wanted to let you know about a website i found, havent looked in deatil but there might be something for one of you
here

Hope everything went ok Getting

I'm really tired, it's been a long day today and yesterday my mum was over, not to mention the usual night time antics with kids, so I'm a bit behind with you lovely ladies but hellooooo and goodnight

Lovely couple buying my house very unassuming. She is having first baby in 6 weeks so they are keen to move just like me !! Feel sooo much happier I like them , drinking wine watching Come Dine With Me

Sov, that website is great . I've forwarded link to my sister too & think dd would love the metallic lace up boots

Getting, I think it's lovely that you got to meet the people moving into your home & it's really nice that it's a couple starting out .

Tea, I'm wrecked too from endless nights of being woken with sick dc's so I empathise!!

Patience, LOL starting ,yep and he wondered why he was crying so much,
Loving it

Ok, am wrecked tired & really should be in bed but anyway decided to check out how I was fairing out in world of online dating. Responses/emails are beginning to role in . Anyway my question to your all is would I be insane/likely to be arrested if I respond to an absolutely hunk of a 29 yr old Asian guy who said he liked my profile . If I thought there was a chance I wouldn't be murdered etc I'd be tempted for a one off experience .............

Just quickly.........

Starting -insane if you didnt respond! You only live once!
But cant believe your bills -and that barrister - unreal!

Getting - you are being lovely over meeting your buyers!

Te and Starting Hope you get more sleep soon!

Patiece. YOuve been very patient over slow burner. Hope he shows up sharpish - when hes wanted!

Googoo -have to say that would make me laugh a bit? BUt Im not internet dating jaded and it must all get a bit meh after a while!

ET -sorry re the hugs etc. Hmmmm where can you get free hugs from men. Gets thinking cap on........

Sov -like your profile and think you say all the right things!

News from here is I got the interview! Now scared! And have to wait quite a while for it - so plenty of time to work myself into a right state over it! And thinking wow what a huge life change if I get it -and thats a bit scary too.

Anyway to answer Getting - DS has not been aware of others saying stuff about him but I think hes going to notice soon -and wonder if he noticed the party invites. Not sure and not going to ask him.

Reading like mad to try to find stuff to help DS atm. And lots of negotiations/discussions round him too. Bless him!

Anyway night night everyone. Hope tomorrow is a lovely day for all!

Lovely getting ,waves to tea,thanks sov will def have a look.
Well i think single life isnt that great for X .All pasta ,pasta and more pasta.
He even said tonight that the break up wasnt all my fault ,he played a part too.But his behaviour in 2010 ....wait for it "Well he was better to be hung for a sheep rather than a lamb" Greedy selfish immature twat,thing is he is an addict ,he cant say no ,thats what an addict is, so without my codependency and enabling behaviour our marriage would have got much much worse.Much more violent because of his self hate and me not understanding the projected behaviour .He even called me babes when we chatted about the dcs , i said no worries ,the sol said your letter should be sent in the next fortnight and we can sign the paperwork.
Finally accepted ive done all that i could but me and dcs are on a better path now.Also accepted that X is an addict ,can go a month couple of drinks a night ,then a month guttered ,or obsessed with new gf or smoke weed ,all obsessive addictions.All about keeping his inner child numb because its hurt so much .But I knew that when i met him ,but hey my inner child enjoyed a joint too back then i was so freaking hurt inside ,it was like all the pain went when i met my H.But it just swirls about until u choose to work on it ,and my X didnt want to ,maybe he will one day,maybe he wont .None of my business now,
All i know is im 39yo with 2 kids and a dog.Spring is here and i had white 3/4 skinny jeans on today and was going to ask some bloke out that i havent seen in nearly a month .I think the chapter of my life that was my first marriage is closing.I think my X is feeling the consequences now .I got to say a lot of stuff tonight ,that he was the man i trusted more than anyone and he had lied so much to me because he knew how much i trusted him.He accepted that.No shouting ,but i think he was v tired and drinking.What a difference a year makes.
Pasta or cold baked beans its the price u pay for an ,I,ME ,MINE lifestyle .

Saw a good looking bloke walking home after he had been fishing today and i thought fuck i bet i could still pull him.Going for the I LOVE MYSELF technique of dating ,confident not arrogant ,I dont care if he was 29yo or 39yo starting i still look fit for my age and would have chatted to this bloke ,at a social function ,so that is my benchmark thing.I reckon if i was at a function slow burner man was at i would end up snogging him IYSWIM ,if we had just met and were chatting i reckon he would ask to see me again.Even ds asked for him today .
Anyway why wouldnt u reply to 29yo bloke its not 19yo ,just have fun.I think i would reply to the ones i liked the look of and are bright .Not going to bother with odd shoes or funny patterened jumpers ,was always a snob about that ,but where did that get me .Dont know what a non dysfunctional ,dont want u to fix me ,sex with a mature bloke,is like tbh ,always went for lads tbh.
Well im going to have fun finding out .

OMG Mumfun, that is fantastic news about the interview & ((Hugs)). Don't worry if you allow yourself to get completely worked up now about it all then by the time the interview rolls around you'll be calm as a cucumber . The stuff with ds sounds so hard, I hope you soon get the support you need & start to see positive changes. x

Patience, OMG you'd want to have a good sense of humour with your xh "He even said tonight that the break up wasnt all my fault "

Well still haven't gone to bed, this interned dating is v entertaining . Still have scottish/italian guy emailing regularly, have a 33 yr old emailing & now this 29 yr old asian guy . I emailed him back to say I always fancied the idea of having a toyboy so will see how he responds to that

OMG Toyboy went back onto my profile to check my age . Will see now if site will allow me to copy & paste my Toyboy's response Hi,

Thx for the reply.

well you looks younger than 38. but yes the age gap is high.

well again i like to be a toy boy then .

its just to enjoy. i am new to XXXX ,so may be we can meet up for drink in the pub may be....and have a dance. i love to dance for great music....just for fun together.....not much

wht do u think

Would love to be able to link his pic, I remember Beautiful did that once on one of the earlier threads but tbh I haven't the balls to do it . Suffice to say he's dark, YOUNG, FIT & bloody good looking!! God, imagine if I pushed it I could have the potential to shag a 29 yr old . Will have to think of suitable response.

Just posted this on Dees thread about things i did to cope with the grief /shock of marriage breakdown .Thought i would post it here too ,made me smile .

NOV 09 Live on Irn Bru and fags thru first phase shock
DEC09 After a month start eating sugar puffs.
Jan10 discover MN road to recovery for the recently ditched thread decide i can do this ,text my friend, tell her its ok im a dumpling,RL friend doesnt get it.[this happens a lot btw.]
FEB 10 tell work mate and see a reader.
MARCH 10 start learning about crystals
APRIL 10 Start reading self help books
MAY10 gardening
JUNE 10 meet Prince Charles
JULY 10 seek legal advice re divorce/see reader again.
AUG 10 tai Chi /got a trampoline
SEPT counselling with womens aid.
OCT start small business
NOV 10 Moved into lovely new flat
DEC 10 Got sky +/admit defeat with huge snow falls and prepare for xmas by drinking hot chocolate.
JAN10 Contemplation
FEB10 Started kick boxing
MARCH 10 Had first night out in 3 yrs .Complete forms for divorce and reflect on the last year and a half.

Also lots of combinations of various months .Some things i still do ;some things i dont .Not slept with NM yet but im sure I'll cope when the time comes .

Just posted this on Dees thread about things i did to cope with the grief /shock of marriage breakdown .Thought i would post it here too ,made me smile .