Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

My exh met his gf at work - in a crab factory! Haha! Nice smell, I can assure you. Mixture of fish and tabs :)
Sov - you look wowza! Love the profile - think it strikes just the right tone. Good on ya! x
Patience - Iron Bru cures all known germs imo. Hope you get to see bloke tonight :)
Kate - sorry about your bloke - sounds like you're very sensible about it

Sov ,Kate and starting r probably better than me 2 ask ,but I would whittle it down,keep it simple ,will pm u later .just think concise ,agree u look fab ,got confused at all the different looks u had goin on but I think that's different folk across the top of the page .

Oooh Sov great photo and profile and now I have seen my first ever dating page and its not as scary as I was expecting !!

Sov write what ya like,I've only done it once and didn't write anything or send a photo LOL

Have you tried Guardian Soulmates site? You can go on for free. I like the men on there :)

Have fun with the online dating Sov.

I met NM online almost 9 months ago. I had signed up and chickened out a few weeks later having had a few brief msg with a couple of guys. I went back on a few months later and within 2 weeks met NM. It was really scary, not dated for over 28 years when I met exh at college. We exchanged emails for about a week then spoke on phone, good move as don't know what I'd have done if he had a funny squeaky voice or something, when I met him face to face.

It did make our first meeting easier as we had talked and knew a bit about each other. I know it's not for everyone but I had a what the hell attitude for a few months. I would be more cautious if I was looking again, as I had some right weirdos contact me.

The rest came easily after that.

Sov, you look lovely. I do like the bit where you say you're keeping dc away from dates. Very well put.
Ashamed to say that I sent XP a text earlier saying, are you free? Luckily, he wasn't but said he'd phone later as he was in a meeting. I'm going to say I've got some paperwork for him to sign (which is true) and hope he doesn't dig as I still feel very fragile. I would just like a big pair of manly arms to be wrapped up in, just for a cuddle nothing more and definitely nothing sexual. But for some reason I feel it has to be from a man. I had a big hug from a girlfriend last night but it's not the same. A hug from my dad would be lovely (but impossible as he's dead) and I'd even settle for a hug from my brother who doesn't understand hugs or emotions so it would be completely without feeling. Oh, I'm rambling, does anyone have the faintest idea what I'm on about? Tired of having to be strong. Tired of being told I'm strong even though I know I am. I don't want to be strong anymore. I'd like to have a weak and feeble holiday.

Googoo a friend of a friend found her DP on Guardian Soulmates, she was a professional lady and claimed they have a better calibre of man on there

My exh is a professional (t**t) and NM couldn't be more different, a normal hard working bit of rough

Perhaps I should try online dating and specify hugs only. Or I think I've heard of hugging workshops.

Not sure why I like Guardain site tbh - been out with 3 men from there (including exbf) and they were all wallies! Haha! Just made my profile visible again after a LONG time. Might as well eh?

Oh Elsie, I know what you mean about a big manly hug, my dad would have done the job, it's so comforting, but sadly he's dead too. When my ex used to come over in the early days after he left, he would still hug and give me a kiss on the cheek, I loved it, a kind of reassurance. Now I know it means nothing he's just making himself feel better, still does it 18 months and many arguments later.

You must resist

Yup, never seek solace in the arms of the one who betrayed you.
XP would hug me and he really would mean it in his own very simple, self centred way.

And when he asks how ur doin Ffs don't tell him Elsie.
Sov I've been doin a lot of marketing training recently so that's what I meant about tweaking ur page.just wouldn't use the word average ur amazing and a star so sell urself iyswim.

First message from Guardian site. Some burly Edinburgh bloke writes "If I said you had a beautiful face would you hold it against me?"
Yawn.
Sigh.

Sov, you do indeed look fab & are an advertisment for 4 dc's!! I thought your profile was v well worded but then again what do I know, I've had no proper replies on my own yet

Goo, lol "If I said you had a beautiful face would you hold it against me?" You have to admit though it's v entertaining when you're a tad bored anyway . I called myself Beauty hense the reference to being beautiful in the few replies I got . As Patience says though you have to big yourself up . Actually am now just rethinking that judging by my lack of replies . Perhaps Tired&HaggardMotherto3 might have got a better response

Getting, hope tonight went ok with dc's. Word of warning.........internet dating is v scary when you venture into it . Not for the faint hearted

Patience, pmsl at condoms being a sign and actually we're v alike because I'd have probably been thinking the same thing . Hope you're feeling a bit better ((Hugs))

Pink, waves & hope all is well. By NSA Sov meant she wasn't interested in no strings attached sex!

ET & Party, agree about not seeking solace in the arms of the one that betrayed you!!

Oh forgot to say had v stressful day with dc's today & feel like I was hit by a truck! Am really pd off with xh too as I rang him to help out & he was too busy . Had two sick dc's & third taking part in a competition that was v important to her & really no place for younger dc's to be. D** never even rang to see how she did in competition!! God grant me the serenity, patience, acceptance & tolerance for dealing with such a selfish dickhead!! Gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh

On the good news front the family size trifles were on offer in the supermarket this evening............

Great news re the trifles Starting,
Bringing home my inner child tomorrow with John Bradshaw ,not sure if i need a car seat but ive got dds silver cross pram ready just incase.
Its great cos lots of good tips on how not to eff up ur kids ,so trying my best to take all that in,interesting that he says the most spirited kids always get hit the most to beat out their spirit.(that'll be me then,spirited daughter and wife)Its fascinating.i think all dumplings should read THE HOMECOMING.Apparantley billy connolly thinks the mans a genius.All about saying we are all good enough and anyone that told u ,u werent was copying patterns from their own parents.He believes every familly has dysfunction and interesting that "people who are perfect"can damage their kids with toxic shame.I was def an over achiever for fear of the shame of failing at school,then opted out totally at 14yo.I remember a teacher writing needs to relax and enjoy life a bit more.My parents said what did she know.I lived my childhood in a straitjacket for fear of embarassing my parents then went to the other extreme ,then left home as soon as i could.So always on a dysfunctional path IYSWIM .Anyway whats interesting is he says because so many stages of ur development were blocked because u werent allowed to explore them u lose ur sense of self and can listen to others pov much more than u would otherwise,a big sign of codependency ,when u recognise what others need but have little knowledge of what u need urself.
Was visualising putting condom on slowburner man,dont know if that makes me co dependant or just keen..........

I really think im getting my sense of self back now ,just the freedom to be ME and its like u get to a point that u can allow urself to love urself just for being YOU.
Isnt it great.Do what u like ,like what u do ,all day long,
Dont have any tyrant shouting at u ,threatening u or bringing their big DOOM cloud ur way.
U can stopped walking on egg shells and you start to appreciate how wonderful and unique u really are.
One thing that struck me was when we sit down in a DOOM moment and feel life is hopeless ,just remember our ancestors did that too and we are just reflecting that.I like that idea gps ,ggps and gggps all had times of desperation but they all got thru it and like us they knew THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Patience, am just wondering if I sent you on my child development/inner child module work would you complete it & send it back as I think you know a hell of a lot more than me on the subject . Btw if anyone (aside from our resident expert Patience) is interested in J Bradshaw's stuff send me a pm & I'll forward you on something of interest.

Just off phone from xh who is so busy with hairbrained schemes for making money that he FORGOT dd was in competition this despite me ringing him this morning to say how desperate I was as had other two were sick & had nobody to mind them . Starting you surely at this point know better than to have any expectations!! . Xh went on to say I must be wrecked & that he'd happily mind dc's for a w'end or a few days if I wanted to go away somewhere for a rest. He said he'd even come here to mind them or babysit them here if I wanted a night out I thought in my head you must be off you f rocker if you think you'll ever set foot inside this door again . I might be compassionate & kind, I certainly aint f* stupid anymore!!

Oh me too starting re X .Have loads of folk offering to take kids overnight ,well 3,so all i need now is hot date.
I think once u get over the need to blame parents/ carers or Xs and just look at the facts,then easier to understand how I got here.interesting my counsellor said on my first appointment I had lacked support my whole life.my parents love my strength now but were afraid/embarassed of my outspoken nature.they had lost their sense of self years b4 and can't actually make a decision on their own,what if they got it wrong ,horror!
Their parents must have heaped all their shame onto them as kids and they had religious fears too.
Anyway lots of hugs,patience fun and opportunities to explore is the road I am trying to take,with peace in my home .That's the plan.

Just about filling ur own emotional needs and not needing anyone else to do it for u.its contentment.Don't know last time I honestly felt contentment.Ok apart from after a good session in bed with my X ,but just enjoying I am I contentment ( without sex )is a valuable gift I think x

Starting, that must hurt so much when XH forgets about things important to dc.
Patience, you sound so strong. Throw some in my direction please. You see, I moan abut having to be strong but I can't cope with feeling weak .
Must do a very long dog walk today to compensate for the 2 cream scones and 1 cream donut I stuffed down my neck yesterday .
Getting, I'm still following WOU's thread. I can't help it. I would love to go round and kick her H out. That is my speciality. It took 3 hours from discovery to XP leaving with a suitcase and less than 24 hours before I dumped all his worldly goods at OW and her H's house .
Hope everyone has a lovely sunny day.

pm starting Elsie about this john bradshaw stuff,well worth a look x