Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Ditto Kate, the OW works for my exh.

party I had one of those "BOOM Flash" moments when he interviewed her (for an IT job - so not lots of female applicants) and he went to great lengths to tell me what a shit interview she did (she ws in tears) how she failed the technical bit and how she was "The worst interviewee I had ever seen"

I said, "oh what a shame she didn't get the job then"

him: "oh...she got it"
me: BOOM Flash, remember this Kate because this moment will change your life.

I knew then.

Yep work or pub thats it about sewn up I reckon.

Do u know my X even had the nerve to text me and tell me how good gf thought he was in bed.back in nov when my pal saw them out together.then he told me he wasn't sleeping with her she is very young and only said it to wind me up.its scary really .they were together at that point but he denied it for 5 mths .

Kate, my ex poached OW from another company to work for him, he had known her a while. He told me that he had employed her and that she was excellent at her job. That was about 3 years before the affair began. He introduced me to her at a company event at one point.

Although as time has gone on I suspect he had been shagging her for a lot longer than he admitted, and he admitted to a 3 year affair. SO it's possible he was seeing her for maybe 4 or 5 years before I found out.

How dumb does that make me.

I was feeling so happy today until more lies tonight and the DC's being upset with him again. I can't believe how he drags me down, I'm so angry with myself for letting him get to me and angry for the DC being lied to as well.

What a pair of bastards!!

It's not dumb its trusting,huge difference.like with my X he lied so well,only way to deal with it now is to believe everything is a lie or I just get conned again.

That's it pt ,I just think this will explode with my own kids soon especially if he moves in with her ,maybe she's there already who knows?

Patience, I know and this makes me mad too. I shouldn't trust him, he proves time and time again why I shouldn't. Then I let him persuade me he's being on the level like last week when he promises to look after me again.

I am too trusting, I look for the good in everyone.

Yes but our Xs struggle with the truth and we have to accept that ,hard when the bullshit the kids.I take comfort that I chose a lifestyle that means I don't have to lie.

Ok have had a quick look see to see if there was anything to report from the dating site. Well had 50 hits so far , a few email obviously looking for sex & other then that NADA. So my question is out of 50 men who obviously liked my pic enough to check my profile wtf is wrong that I have not been bombarded with emails . If this continues will have to post a link to my profile & call in the dumpling experts to see what is so off putting if it's not my pic .

Kate, am a bit in awe at your dump em leave em attitude with NM . Way to go girl, I tend to end up a snivelling wreck

Goo, yes have accepted my faith on the Norm front . Glad you resisted temptation with exbf & Drummer Boy sounds like it could be an exciting prospect

Party, glad you got things sorted with NM but sorry to hear about xh lying again etc. I like to see the good in people too but I think that's a good quality & if people like your xh & mine take advantage of that well it's they'll pay the price for their deception/dishonesty etc not us really ((Hugs))

Devastated, sounds like that foursome are all a good match for each other

Ok it's now 61 hits & only thing I have to report is a wink & an email pending from a really sexy looking 33 yr old who unfortunately or fortunately lives at the opposite side of the country . Btw I say fortunately because at this stage I couldn't hand on heart say I'm manage to turn down the offer of a roll in the hay with a good looking 33 yr old .

Am sorry will drive ye all crazy with this but had to update Patience, I have just been told I look beautiful by a hunky Scotish man living in my neck of the woods . Half Scotish/half italian no less & the 33 yr old also said I looked beautiful in my pic < preens self & strokes ego> am now at 72 hits lol !! Surely if I hit 100 there's bound to be one that ticks a few boxes .

College work & assignments have all been neglected

Morning everyone

Kate admire your not clinging onto NM for the sake of it. Agree its nice neighbours didnt think ow was all that. My bf whose H drinks where my ow works told bf that people are still coming up to him and saying Do you know why is with ow ? He said he cant believe after all this time that so many people are still talking about it.

Starting glad you are having fun with the internet dating

Party sorry you are up and down its very frustrating isnt it. Bizarre that whilst your xh was pleading poverty he didnt think it was obvious a flash holiday on the horizon wouldnt cause bad feeling

Goo drummer man sounds nice , lucky girl in that lots of non alpha males appear to come into your orbit

Well DC are going to xhs tonight , DD been saying all week she doesnt want to but its her birthday and his access this weekend and it was proving impossible to arrange stuff. I think DD was on the bandwagon a bit tbh and they will have a couple of hours out together with xh before going to the house so he can talk to her then.

I did stick to your advice Patience about not smoothing it over and its only because I had to sort out birthday stuff that I suggested to DD it would be better to go tonight and get it over with as its clearly blown over now. It will be very hard not to ask them how it went when they come back tomorrow but I will try !!

Heres hoping for improved serenity today

Grrr small rant

Just reading a thread by a lady whose H has told her after 20 years that he doesnt think they have a future together and is seeking therapy.

This has been going on 3 months and she is in a mess not knowing what to do and struggling to live with him etc

People are coming on saying are you still doing his washing and cooking and that he should "shit or get off the pot" ie make his mind up to stay or just leave.

It makes me so angry this complete lack of understanding of how hard it is to be in that situation and that washing etc is an utter irrelevance when you are reeling in shock and not capable of making decisions to throw someone you still love out.

Its reminded me of how uniquely painful what has happened to us is and how unless you have been there you simply dont get it. I have directed her to our threads for support

Getting course they don't ,why would they.The thing for me is I showed the world what a dickhead he is ,he won't ever forgive me for that.He stopped being the nice bloke to me ,now he is the nice bloke to gf.
Other day he wore a buttoned up denim shirt ,looked v funny cos he would never have worn it all fastened up ,anyway saw a picture today and who is wearing similar,Justin bieber,good luck to him eh,he is only 25 yrs older .
Starting good luck with Scots Italian ,sounds good.
Bought more cough bottle today and it was right next to the condoms ,I thought THIS IS A SIGN, I will soon be back to buy condoms .Never noticed them b4 but today I saw boxes and boxes LOL

I feel awful ,I hate being ill,slow burner man prob in 2morrow so hoping fabulosity has returned by Thursday x

Trying to let this beautiful sunshine take away all my angry feelings. Looking forward to seeing lovely NM tonight, let's hope he makes it and doesn't have a DC crisis to deal with!!

Also remembering what a lying shitbag my ex is, as I've just posted on the poor girls thread whose DH is booking hotels for two.

Energy sapping day again today. There is no anger now just a huge, huge sadness. Feeling so sad that if XP walked through the door now and asked to try again I would find it hard to resist. Must keep the door locked.

Yes Elsie been there but this too shall pass.big hugs xx

Bought some iron bru ,still seriously drippy in the nose dept,but listening to a john bradshaw download and its great.just so many questions being answered about why we fill up the bits that were missing in our childhood,with inappropriate relationships in our adult life.I love the bit that quotes someone else ,that kids are just the worlds children and not our property,I like that idea ,my kids will owe me nothing,none of this is their fault,I don't need to compare myself with anyone or let anyone project their beliefs upon me .he also says up to 8yo kids are needy and have every right to be needy,they are young kids and if u make them repress their need for help they think they are just annoying u and in ur way.he also says children that are hit think themselves as unloveable ,this is probably the longest period of my life that I haven't been hit or in an angry home.Everyday u become stronger.

My X never went to the pub, he ran off with the sister of one of his (single) mates whom he had know 15 years, he'd never shown interest in her till about 2 months before he left, his behaviour changed significantly and i twigged very very quickly, he said i was paranoid guess who's bed he sleeps in now!!
The thing that got me was he made me doubt myself so much i doubted my ability to look after my DC and that is unforgivable

Thanks for the compliments re SDC, i dont think of it as anything out of the ordinary, where i come from once your 'in the family' thats it for life, i had hoped the same would happen with X's family but people dont seem to work that way down here sadly

Patience, if my X gets the chance of a meal off me he jumps at it lol, even though his sis and everyone else cooks for him he never turns down a meal from me

Kate, agree with Patience re lifestyle choice, he's a bloody joke, sorry about NM but fun should be just that not more dramas

Party, your XH really is a t**t isnt he dont beat yourself up about trusting X i get my fingers burnt all the time by mine it's natural for us but also like patience i now just dont believe anything he says and i rely on one person...myself

Starting, my internet dating profile is like that, plenty of views but so far nada, although i'm not sure what type of things to talk about anyway even if they did contact me lol

If anyone's interested or want to give me any tips here's my profile

Elsie, keep strong lovely, your doing so well, i often wonder what i would do if X asked to try again, i dont think i ever could as the trust is gone, i dont believe a word he says and i am so angry about it all that i would make his life utter hell so what would be the point, tbh there is only certain times like sunday when i miss him, the rest of the time i'm fine and i know that one day there will be someone else who loves me and will gladly hold me and wipe away my tears when i need him

I have been looking at blokes whilst out and havent seen anyone that i thought 'yep, i'd do him' but i'm going to keep on going as even if i'm not ready for love or sex even then a nice meal wouldnt go a miss :o

Hope everyones doing ok

Sov you're gorgeous ! Good profile, what's NSA ?

Wow Sov - you are gorgeous! That's where I met my NM. He was the first guy I chatted with on there! BTW, I'm giving him another chance...we're going to spend some time together at the weekend to see how we feel.

Told him I'm not one for the drama and games - I'm just playing it by ear