Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Its hard isnt it Patience I wonder if he sees the irony of that

For me what has always made it incomprehensible and still does is that we had everything on an emotional and material level you could possibly want. He was a man of 34 with an amazing career track record who could do what he wanted with a shed load of money and very small dc so total flexibility. Instead of moving forward with that and being honest about his upset at losing his job he pretended he was happy as Larry and told the world at large he was retired. Meanwhile sinking into depression and a 6 year drinking binge which has had the consequences you all know about.

Just spoken to my sol who did the Deed of Separation to get quote for actual divorce and given xh the prices so I hope he will agree to them as the thought of going all through this with a new sol doesnt have much appeal.

Well i just see kids maintenance as the price he pays for his freedom.He earns a good living .

oh and this bloke had a guy working with him previous to X and he lost the plot with alcohol too.Didnt have familly but left his partner because of the same reasons as me and X .Again X said 4yrs ago how sad it was that, that guy had lost everything .
Basically this guy doesnt like to go into the local alone and he was buying my X a pint to begin with ,then it just got greedy.Told X babies were women's work and u deserve a drink ,u work hard.They had great times together ,meanwhile i was doin 2 kids under2 .Now X dates the barmaid ,its like fantasy world ,which is cool as long as he pays maintenance.

Its funny how the bloke X worked for has such a self loathing ,he blames women for everything that has gone wrong in his life ,very bitter man ,speaks like women are only good for one thing and letches over the under 21yos in the pub.I think thats the bit that shocks me the most that with a little encouragement in the right direction my husband went down that path ,all just a big laff to these blokes and then blame the wife when she complains about the consequences of acting like this .Just such a waste .But their self entitlement has no boundaries and just not very bright.

Mumfun, so sorry that you're having to cope with your own health problems on top of issues with ds. Thinking of you.

Getting, these next few weeks are going to be puntuated with emotional moments until you move into your new place and then I'm sure they will diminish.

Patience, hope your solicitor can send some sense to your H. My friend had a husband who would pop to the shop for cigarettes and be gone for the weekend. He was the life and soul down the pub but you can't live like that when you have dc. Which is why he got dumped and now lives alone.

Kate, I hope you get some good advice re your position about the house.

Went to town on the train for lunch today and decided to see how many attractive men might cross my path, all in the name of a scientific experiment of course . Result - a big fat zero. Not one decent looking specimen out there. Is that because I'm not ready or is there a real dearth of nice looking men? I just don't fancy anyone.

Yoohoo to Sov, Tea, Happy, Starting, Partytime et al.

Elsie ,sol,phoned today just checking details ,thats good news eh ?Didnt think she'd look at it for a few weeks but i suppose the letter is drafted just needs a bit of tidying up and a stamp
waves to MF hope this can make things easier for you in the longrun.
Thinking we should do a weekend in the summer ,would be great to sit and chat with everyone ,if im going down south i would need to stay overnight but I think July/August would be nice ,anyone else keen,those that cant do over night can pop over for the day .
Anyone interested?

Thing is Elsie in RL no one would say that out loud to me ,the thing u said about ,you cant live like that when u have kids. Turns out there are a lot of weak/scared people in my life,i dont mean that as a bitch ...just fact.
I think if i had been able to have those conversations in real life with a glass of wine I wouldnt still feel the need to go round in circles .The blame has gone ,the anger is gone ,just the end of a marriage ,a bit like when u move house Getting, it will bring u some calm ,well i feel the divorce and an agreement on the dcs maintenance payments ,should bring me calm ,just hoping its only weeks away,booked a haircut for friday ,hows the big hair going starting ?

Patience I am sure agreements on the dc maintenance will bring you calm like goo said hats off to you for the way you have handled all this extra hassle on top of everything else.

Elsie I expect this is all to do with moving and I think I have an underlying feeling of anxiety which isnt going to go until contracts are exchanged because I am so desperate that this goes through now.

Well xh wont pay for my sol but I think thats ok all the negociating side is done so its just the actual divorce and a decent local firm will be perfectly fine which he is willing to pay for. So those wheels are in motion now and hopefully it shouldnt take long.

Ah F**K typed up a huge post & just lost it GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Haven't the heart to try all over & need to collect dd from dancing so to sum up lost post was just sending love & support to all.

Mumfun, huge ((Hugs)) with ds stuff, op & xh not getting it. I'm sure the interview is on the way

Goo, I think you're better off without friends like that woman in your life!

Patience, hope you get maintenance & access sorted. Stability would be good. Huge congrads on the business front & what you've managed to achieve with zero support.

Happy, good to see you back

Kate, your xh continually leaves me speachless . How can he be so cruel?? Doesn't bare thinking about. Well done on maintaining serenity.

Sov, you are truly a lovely remarkable lady. I hope someday you will find someone who can give you back the love you give to others ((Hugs))

ET, I'm sure when you're ready the suitors will appear

Tea, God I can't believe OW would be so shut off emotionally that she wouldn't want xh to be fully involved in his dc's lives. It makes it worse somehow that you're are only babies

Getting, sorry to hear about your morn with ds. Sounds like you both have lots of stuff going on emotionally atm though & that it was prob just a blow out from that. Hope it's all resolved now.

Not sure who I've forgotten now trying to retype this so apologies!!

Big Hair not the huge success I'd anticapated . Saying that I'm crap at most things hair related so it's prob just me. I'd a friend drop in while I was in the middle of trying to do it so I had to abandon it & go au natural in my curly state instead. Will give it another shot when I've time & report back if I've any success.

On another front, after a little encouragement from two friends y'day I've just plunged back into the world of online dating. I've joined a new site & just posted photo . I decided that college will soon be over & that the timing is right for a new diversion . I will of course report back all success or otherwise . Speaking of which I think I may have been chatted up by someone from a different class last night . Can't be certain as perhaps he was just being friendly

Elsie-that made me laugh about the man spotting as i to did that the other day in town,i hope it means we are just not ready.
Tea-i have always admired the way you and your exh have co-parented so i hope things stay as they are for you.
Patience-the peer group thing is true ,a couple of people H work with have also shacked up with girls half their age,think its the new trend.

Ok was sparring like a good un tonite,real paste hair starting when I took my headguard off,soaking wet,bit shattered took a slug of cough bottle and 2 Anadin b4 I went .my technique is bounce about jab,reverse punch,dont do much kicking yet ,more bounce ,keep out the way jab ,jab.LOL.will sleep 2nite.

Kids doin the sack race round the house in pillow cases followed by small dog carrying burst football,I am sat on kitchen floor ,don't think I can move.

It's the pain fairy that they put us thru and the fact they have put the kids future at risk ,for what ? Sex with a young lassie ,silly bastards.

Loving it Patience, loving it!
Sorry to hear so many lovely ladies having trouble with crap situations
Sov - you are a special lady right enough x
Kate - your ex hasn't got a hope in hell of selling that house without any say from you. Believe me. A sol will think that way too. He is an arse.
Elsie - I've been seeing some quite dishy fellas out and about! I think when you're ready, you start to see em
Starting - you feeling better about Norm situation? Hope so. I know how shite it is.
Got texts from exbf when I got back from seeing girls from his village o Saturday. I replied to one, asking if I'd had a good time with them (i said "I did") so he sent another one saying hope all is good with you and a kiss. Didn't reply. He's always got his little net out eh?
On quite an exciting front, my mate who knows drum man has texted him and he says he's coming to do some work in our school :) So she says oh good because I've got a lovely friend who's quite interested in meeting you and he says that sounds great when can I meet her?
Hello eh? The state of my school attire will have to rapidly improve I think. At the moment it consists of two baggy cardis and various cheap trousers with torn hems!!!

X post Patience. Meant loving the kick boxing and pillow case story

Funny that too because my exh had a very slimy friend who left his wife and kids and was forever advising him to do the same. Then another bloke he used to drink with who told him he should leave us as he was so much happier without his missus. I knew him too. Still can't speak to him. All selfish bastards. All given up the world for a cheap shag. More. Fool. Them.

Thing is .they aren't happy .ur not goin to tell me that he doesnt miss a nice homemade curry or a big plate of chilli ,its just they are egged on by their pub/work crew that they don't realise its all short lived.this bloke used to say you'll do alright single just bin her.what a prick.anyway turns out previous to meeting me he was a bit of a sheep followin a herd,I just never saw it.
but as my neighbour said,thing about being a sheep is you don't want to end up a goat.

Just to butt in here - our plumber who did a load of work on our house when we moved here - left his wife and three kids about 18 months ago because he was having an affair with the barmaid at a local pub.

We - the H, DD and i bumped into him and her last Summer at a local village fete and the H's word to me were that surely he could have done a lot better than her as she was a bit rough. The plumber looked a bit like a thunderbird puppet - all big head and no body - and the barmaid had hers arms all over him.

DHH thought he was stupid for what he had done - leaving his wife, and kids one of whom is disabled - but i am told that H and tart, slapper OW have all been out together recently. Probably because noone else wants to have anything to do with them and they feel drawn to each other by their experiences.

Ah Devastated - more sheep eh? In a grotty little flock!
I'm not a sheep. None of us is. We are all eagles, flying high. Freedom, destiny, happiness await.
Sorry - came over all warrior / hippy there :)

Well, an eventful day. New man has been a bit high maintenance so think we're over. Don't feel happy or sad about it. Just want a nice, easy, relaxing time. I'm not interested in arguments or drama. i've had enough of that to last a lifetime. Stupid arguments were happening and I felt like it was like a relationship you have when you're 14! So I told him tonight that was it, few texts back and forth, But I hope he understands. I have a feeling this won't be the last I hear from him but unless he grows up quite a lot then I don't see it going anywhere.

Went to see my old neighbours (the ones who've adopted the cat!) and she was lovely, had a big chat with her...and best of all she said "Oh, we saw HER and we both thought she was nothing special" I know it's shallow but I loved hearing that.

Re: the house. My name is not on the mortgage. I think he's bullshitting me a lot though...told me his solicitor advised him to get the locks changed to deny me entry and that me being off with the children was MY lifestyle choice so I am entitled to no profit from the sale of the family home.

BTW I worked PT all the way through the 12 years we lived there (including when he was unemployed) and was always on full maternity pay when I was off with the girls.

God, he WILL reap what he sows. I truly believe that.

Peace and serenity and back to the single life for me! For now ;)

No one in court will believe lifestyle choice,wot alot of bollocks,are u still in touch with ILs ,I remember they were appalled by their sons behaviour.
Re Ow just makes me laff now at the thought of gf telling me I couldn't keep my man.how many of these blokes slept with the barmaid at their boozer.where else were these blokes goin to meet someone.

Why is everything so up and down, I feel like a bloody yo-yo.

So earlier this week I reported a change around with exh, him being more accepting of his financial obligations and the fact that we had a reasonable civil conversation.

Well tonight I've found out he's jetting off on holiday tomorrow for a week. He sat and pleaded poverty the other day, how he was struggling to pay bills, now he supports two households. What a t**t.

As for dp, he came over last night, not tonight, so what about him needing space. Anyway we're back on track, for this week at least, and I've told him that he was so close to being dumped, and I won't take anymore of his nonsense. We'll see what happens, but the making up was lovely

...at the desk 2 foot away from them in Tossbags case!

Oh and exh didn't tell DC's that he was going away tomorrow, one found out when they rang him tonight and passed on the news to the other. Both then ring me, one fuming and one in tears.

He has damaged his relationship with them so badly, he isn't learning anything from his behaviour and their reaction to it. He will be the one who loses them in some way. They will no longer respect him, adore him, it's so sad.