Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.3

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Creeps around corner from Chin Up thread (everyone keeps telling me to come here instead cos busier)....might just sit in corner and watch from afar...

Hi ggm what about the drummer man ?
It's only cos ur not with anyone else.u know he's not good enough for u.
Not just saying that to make u feel better I just mean guys like him are never going to make u happy.
Why would u want to be with a guy that hurts u ?
Same with me ,if I had a bloke I wouldn't be smoking as much .but hey I'm single and my Xs life still bothers me but at least its only one week a month now.have ran out of packet of fags ggm .just had the last one yesterday so that's not too bad.that's only about 2 a day.
Waves to spook ,just let it all out on here if u want to .
Away to fill in my fecking census form.

Starting, do you keep putting your tounge in the hole ?

Elsie, I feel all violated that he's been snooping around on here, silly silly man.

Feeling really down this week due to a few things plus exh birthday very soon. The DC know but they don't seem to give a shit and why would they. Wanker.

Hello Spook, stop creeping around, stand up straight and come and say Hi.......we can see you you know .

Gonna treat myself to a very early night with the telly and the dog ......Bliss.

Night all xxx

No Spook come right in and make yourself at home!

I've posted on the other thread just now, but please post here too. Real life friends who haven't been through this will never understand like we do. So talk away on here if it helps x

BTW Elsie, I meant that in a funny way

Googoo my lovely, you're not ugly! Start planning you're next getaway, that'll perk you up

Ok census done,
Easter football forms done,
Wireless printer not working ,works with a usb cable but not without,set up complete re wi fi and broadband but not happening,need to post on geek page x

Started reading the homecoming by john bradshaw .think its a good time to go there .

Morning all

Welcome spook

Elsie thats a bit out of character no ? Isnt xp quite laid back it doesnt make sense to me to be bothered snooping around on here

Starting hope your dental dramas are at an end and college is going well

Goo sorry you feel like that. I am full of fabulousity mentally but feel unattractive too, when I worry I eat and I have put on a lot of weight these 4 months past and it doesnt suit me. Maybe you should try some pamper you know what Patience says

Patience you are a real bookworm ! I used to be but have struggled with novels since xh left but really need to get back to reading

Mumfun any news on next stage of job? Did you like Leighton I thought it was stunning . Maybe we shoud have a cultural dumpling outing

Pink sorry you are a bit low hope the tide turns soon

Well I have put all xhs stuff in the house to one side and need to get up in the loft today to do the rest. He said he would come over friday or saturday to take it but hes notoriously unreliable unless its to do with dc and as he is very busy running the world I predict him not coming. I am torn between demonstrating my relatively new detachment and telling him I dont care if you are busy you need to find an hour to collect this stuff or whether to be logical about it and as its been here quite happily these 15 months past another few days shouldnt make much difference

I am very sentimental so I will need to be careful not to get drawn into reading all the cards etc I have from him in the loft but I have already dealt mentally with Wedding Dress etc so I dont anticipate any upset on those fronts.

I have my first maths test this morning so off ro revise cm,kgs etc

Have a good day

I'm going to post Spooks latest posts below, so you wise ladies can suggest things:

I just want to go out and keep driving until I heit a tree (don't worry that isn't what I am actually going to do).

I just hate this....all my RL friends are friends...but I have no "best friend"...they are all just "normal" friends and they all think I have someone else as a best friend IYSWIM.

Some are trying to stay out of it cos they are friends with OW,

I don't have a close bond with my family.

I am just sitting here all alonne in a mess and just want it all to be over.

I know.

I did ADs 18m ago when all this was inflamed before.

Because I was doing so well a week ago I thought I could do without this time. I will see how things are in a couple of weeks. I really can't afford to be on ADs if I can help it because it may affect medical fitness to teach that i have to pass to do teacher training.

But having said that I know that if I need them I need them.

XP has just been making arrangements for Sat night...he wants to take DCs out with OWs DCs. I just don't want to have anything to do with them any more. I know it is not any of the DCs faults. And I know what it is like to be told as a 9yo that you are not allowed to play with your best friend and not understand why. And I know what it is like and wouldn't inflict that on my DCs...but it doesn't mean I am happy about encouraging it....All I bloody have to listen to from DCs ATM is OW has chocolate bubble bath like this, OWsDD said this...it is all OW and her bloody family...I just can't see any way with it getting any easier whilst I live here in this house on her street in her village. But I don't see why I should bloody be forced out of my home.

I just can't help but think that the only option that will work practically (ignoring the tree option for the time being) is for me to move.

Problem is that because I am a student, and in 12-18m I will be moving to a location that suits the (hopefully) new job I will get I don't want to move twice. Add to that that I am on a hideously good mortgage deal which means that if I move now (which would have to be into rented accomodation beause I am a student) I would be comitting financial suicide.

So it just feels as though I either kill myself finacnially or kill myself emotionally over the next 18 months

The other option is to talk more to OWDH I suppose....in the expectation/hope that it destroys DP and OWDH friendship and therefore all contact with the family is cut (even if he does pick up where he left off with OW once dust has settled).

Not sure that is the righ reason to talk to OWDH though (but then I still believe he has a right to know the full truth and not just OWs cover-up)....but then he might already know and has been more forgiving than me...but knowing him I really don't think this is the case.

Thanks Tea.

(I shall answer your questions from other thread here, and in doing so give a brief(ish) history of everything....sorry if it gets a bit long).

XP and OWDH become friends and start socilaising.
Our family and OWs family start socialising
OWDH and XP run an adults football club together
XP starts getting a bit too close to OW for my liking and I tell him to back up or he will end up having an affair (this was about 18-24m) ago. Things settle a bit and we go through the same "back off" convo every few months between then and now. I tell him EXPLICITLY that I have given up last December and verbally he tries to reconcile everything, but actions speak louder than words and actually nothing changes. Throughout he admits that he has feelings for her but nothing has ever happened.
XP and OWDH by this point a running a childrens footie club together.

Fastforward to pre-Valentines day and I find a bottle of champagne, plastic champagne glasses, a card, candles and chocolates.

I speak to OWDH and tell him what I have found, and what I think is going on. In trying to remain rational and balanced I explain XPs admission of strong feelings, but explain I don't know about OW and that it may a one way relationship, but that XP wouldn't do something like this if he didn't at least think he would get a positive response as it wasn't planned as an annon card...but a whole V party IYSWIM.

OWDH toalks to OW and she says "she thought they were just friends". "she can't believe XP is so disrespectful towards me in doing all that blah blah blah" and he (OWDH) "genuinely believes what she has told him"

I open card and find it covered with sentimantal messages and declarations of love, including admissions of FIRST kissing months ago. I text OWDH to see if we can talk again and I haven't heard from him since.

XP comes home from footie training, OWDH has spoken to him so he admits to me they kissed, claimed nothing else happened cos she wouldn't let it (but since then I know he is still hiding something but I don't know what).

The fact that OWDH is still talking to XP practically tells me he doesn't know about teh kissing and weekly meetings on my sofa.

OW leaves 50meters from me. XP is moving out on my birthday next week, and will be living a 2 minute walk from me. And the rest is in the above post from Tea.

Sorry it was so long....but thought history and scenario was important to make sense of the above post by Tea.

OK now the areshole isn't moving next Monday....flat won't be ready [

My Ex conjured up vast amounts of lies and insisted they were just good friends and not much had happened etc etc, it took 5 months after separation for him to finally tell me the truth which was they'd been having a full blown affair for a very long time; since my son was 4 weeks old. It's horrid when they cannot and will not be honest with you and even worse when you're still living with them in your situation and the fact the children are friends. I think I would be very tempted to tell the OW's H the truth, but only after you've found more incontrovertible evidence so he can see it with his own eyes, such as looking through credit card statements and phone bills etc. Then he cannot deny it no matter what she's fed him as her version of the truth. Sometimes though they're in denial and do not want to admit the truth to themselves. Not that I blame them.

I reckon loads of people leave their spouses without ever revealing that they already have someone else. They give it a few months before going public so that it looks respectable and then the OW or OM gets the credit for helping them through the pain of divorce . Cowards. XP must rue the day he thought he could deceive me. He managed it for almost 3 years but once I got a faint sniff I was like a dog with a bone. They lie so easily because their whole life is a lie.

Good luck with your maths test Getting, I think your're inspirational doing maths.

Get them through the pain of divorce ha ha ha .....u crack me up Elsie,yes and help them get over their depression.
Well done getting,
Spook sat on ur sofa ,fuck that,and tell him not ur problem flats not ready ,he should have thought of that b4 he started taking the piss with ow.tell him its called consequences.
Hope ur feeling good today ggm.
Waves to happy ,sov Kate QC Maybee starting pink and the crew x

Hmm, what Elsie says is what Bald Eagle did. Twat.

Hmmm....he "offered" to go to his mothers Sunday night and coming back to pick DCs up from school Mon...but only cos he is not working Monday. (He "can't" go to his mothers properly because she lives to far away for him to work and help me with school runs...which at the end of the day I do need some support for and it might as well be him than a stranger...we'll see how that goes.)

I told him that what I wanted was to drive into a f^%*ing tree as per above and I think my anger as shocked him.

Anyway...since then I am planning to tell him to piss off to his mothers Sunday and not come back until he is ready to take his stuff and leave his keys. It means that I will have to take some time off uni but hey ho. I also plan to tell him that I will be blocking any attempt he makes to actively "encourage" DCs socialising. I won't and can't stop them altogether but I do feel that I can stop them actively encouraging them IYSWIM.

Since making that decision I think I feel marginally better. I think I lost it over the weekend because I had no control of things...it was all down to DP to pack etc. I think I need to take mack control....we'll see...the tree is still looking like a preferable option.

Oh and the reason he offered is cos it is my birthday Monday and he doesn't think I will want him here...no shit Sherlock. TBH what's the difference? Birthday or no birthday I don't want him here. I think what he means is that he doesn't want to be here because it will make HIM uncomfortable. And I don't see the point of his argument when actually he will be back by the time I get home from uni anyway???

Good 4 u spook enjoy ur empowerment,control is good,imo the sooner they feel the consequences of acting like selfish bastards the better.
Ok this slow burner guy thing is nearly at a standstill ,although my dressing up and flirting effort only got to mascara today LOL.not here today so maybe next week ,need to broaden my horizons I think.

Well I wouldn't say I am enjoying it....but I think that I get more internal peace for being in control

just saying hello all,slightly i think these men are a bit simple,when H told me he was leaving he was shocked when i said "ok your going today then" and started packing his bags for him,he thought i would wait till he got somewhere to move into sorted,yeah right.Am not so strong now though he is giving me very mixed messages and enjoying it i am sure.

Hi everyone. Have just skimread - will read more closely tonight. Spook - just want to say that I'm a teacher and I've been on ADs for most of my career and it hasn't affected my job prospects in the least. Please go back on them. Since I've been back on ADs I feel that I can cope better with everything and I no longer get massive high/low things and no more panic attacks x

Don't know if I ever told u this but way back when X told me about gf in February I said to him I reckoned the reason he had met her was to show him what happens to a girl if she doesn't have a positive relationship with her father.he said dd will never turn out like gf.I thought then it was all just so needy .I thought no : X wants dd to turn out like me (especially the more stable positive version)Life is fluid and forever changing it doesn't need to be negative ,its painful but pushes u out of ur comfort zone u will not be bothered with luxury problems again,everything happens for a reason and inner peace is there if u want to search,but u have to keep searching and growing I think and lose all ur bitterness and rage along the way.
got my boxing gloves tonite,woo hoo ,can't wait til Tuesday nite.

Ok think I might have installed my WiFi printer don't want to get too excited,just about to hit print button.