The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Into Spring - BOING!!

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So, this is The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

All are welcome, regardless of your background, stage of sobriety, or anything else.

I'm Mouse and have been here since June 2010, and in control of my drinking since August 2nd 2010.

You will find unconditional support here. Always.

Whatever you feel about drinking (or not), we've been in your shoes. Some more than once.

So, come say hi, come grab a seat. There is always an open door and a warm welcome on this Bus.

morning!!

thurso! , poor man! - it will be alright you know?, you have each other, you both DO love each other and you can both work through this! i know its bloody hard and i really feel for you!, how about tonight, you just make a nice meal (im a firm believer in eating properly, junk will bring anyones mood down), tell him you love him and care for him and then just snuggle up together and watch a film, read, whatever, just something quiet and tell him you both need a night 'off'?, dont have long deep and meaningful conversations, you will just go round in exhausting circles -just be together and just BE!

i wish you love and health!

L XXXXXXXX

Hey Thurso, so sorry that you are going through the mill atm. He really needs to get better at telling you about it when is starts to build up inside him, it's not good for him, you or your relationship to keep doing this!

Chin up my sweetie, we are all behind you

Love
Bafana

Oh thurso, thinking of you - it's a tough load for you to bear, and it is great that dh thinks of you as such an important support. But you are right, he needs help that you cannot give him (in a similar way to the way that we all benefit from support of people outside our own immediate families).

I hope things settle down for him.

Morning everyone

Sorry to hear your going through this Thurso. At least he is talking to you even though it would be better for you both if he had talked to you before now. I do feel it would help him if he took the AD's and regularly, I know it is easy to feel that you don't need them after a while. Agree that it would be a good plan to just cuddle up tonight, no big talks and then maybe talk about how you will move forward tomorrow after a good nights sleep for you both.

Nemo sounds like he is really doing well at the monent Mouse and growing up quickly . How is the wolf.

at sex stunt double's

I am a bit cross with myself as I had 3/4 glasses of wine on an empty stomach last night so feel shattered now. Feeling very [hmmm] at the way my XH new girlfriend is acting towards my DD. I have only met her a few times but she now comes to all my DS's football match's, is always at XH house and will now be at my DD gymnastics display all day sunday. I think she is too familular with my DD in front of me, keeps hugging her, calling her babes and was telling my parents last night that she gets on so well with 'MY DD' because she is so much like herself!!!! Am I being unreasonable at getting annoyed by this?

Mooooooooooooooooooooooooorning.

God I feel bloody great today. Fresh air first thing is the dogs bollocks. Had a docs appointment first thing, it was so quiet in town before the Great Unwashed were up.

Lovely.

Had another bad night with Nemo but I'm putting it down to his poor breathing.

thurso - I'm not going to do my 'I told ya so dance' because that's bang out of order in this instance.

You have no idea how much I cried reading your post (hormentals) just now. I knew that it was work, I knew that he was worrying about so much and so did you. Thank God he let it all out to you, finally.

Funny, DH watched the cricket back last night too.

I bet you feel SO, relieved that he has finally let go of all this. And Thank God you stayed by his side. There is nothing harder than watching someone you love being torn apart inside by stress, worry, depression and guilt.

(Guilt that he is letting you and the DC down for feeling so low)

It had to come to this didn't it? It had to 'give' eventually. I'm just so glad that it gave when you were together, just the two of you in an intimate environment.

And, that it happened when you were sober.

HUGE hugs to you and your lovely DH. Keep going babe. xxx

Zany - "I think she is too familular with my DD in front of me, keeps hugging her, calling her babes and was telling my parents last night that she gets on so well with 'MY DD' because she is so much like herself!!!! Am I being unreasonable at getting annoyed by this?"

In short? No.

She is threatened by you being DD's birth mother. She has to prove herself to you, right? So, right now, she's scared that you'll think she's not interested unless she makes an effort that YOU can see.

She has a lot to live up to, remember that. DD's potential 'step mother' wants to be friends with her, not just a mother figure to her.

She's hoping that she can be the good guy I'm guessing.

When my mother's sperm donor married the woman he'd been shagging behind my mothers back she was the same.

Overbearing, younger, slimmer, flirty with my father, smiling all the time, false laughs, cooking things from scratch, all the latest make-up, perfume, furniture etc.......... Whilst we had nothing.

Nothing was too much trouble for her.

I used to go home to my mother and say 'she did this, and let me do this and we went to there and she is so lovely and I really like her, she's so pretty'

Just give it time. If GF carries on, have a word with your XH. And remember, that no matter how hard she tries, she can NEVER replace you lovely. Never. xxx

Right, more washing to sort.

Morning mouse - lovely and sunny here too - makes my heart sing to see it

zany 'blended' families are so difficult aren't they. I agree with mouse that XHNGF (that's XH's new girl friend) will feel she has a lot to prove. I totally appreciate that it's difficult (I've been there) but fwiw I think it's better than the alternative - my SIL is stepmum to 2 girls and she doesn't get on with them (even though they were small when she first knew them) and it is a bit of nightmare for the whole family. the girls' dad wants to have an active and proper relationship with them, but they don't enjoy being at my SILs house, and I can forsee that as they reach their teenage years they will barely see their dad at all .

My dd said that she had learnt a lot about respect from the way in which I and my XH had behaved over the years, towards each other and towards each others' partners (of course I had to do it much more because XH had many partners and i can say that on here but to the dds I just say 'oh that's nice' every time he has a new one).

Thanks Mouse and Venus

I would definately prefer that they like his GF, I probably do worry that my DD will like her too much and prefer to spend time/live with them. Actually I am terrified that she would want that to be honest. All I can do I guess is be friendly with her which I have been so that there are no 'issues' about things that the DC's can see. I always try and get on with his girlfriends (of which there have been many) as that is the woman who is going to be spending time with my DC's when I am not with her. His last GF was the same, she even used to get my DD to call her Mum! - he does seem to go for quite dominating women (of which I'm not). My DS has said his current GF tries to act like their Mum which he doesn't like. God these 'blended families' are hard!

On top of this XH is being difficult about things at the mo, mainly about my new P which is annoying as in the 4 years since we split up I have only introduced the DC's to 1 boyfriend and I was with him for quite a long time! And I have been his (XH) taxi service recently as he has broken his hand.

Sorry rant over

As you were

Zany - under no circumstances should GF be telling DD to call her mum. What a cowbag! Seriously, it's not up to her, it's up to DD.

My XP used to insist that DD called him daddy.

And, you can tell XH that what you do in your private life and who with, is just that. Private xxxx

AND - all of you, stop bloody saying sorry for ranting or letting it all out! Gerald has HUGE ears and shoulders.

at Mouse

I'm not sorry for ranting!

After my little rant I am feeling almost boingy, the sun is shining, apart from re-morgaging worries life is good and I am looking forward to the weekend. I am meeting (dare I post it) DP DC's tomorrow and a little anxious but looking forward to it aswell. We are meeting at the park and will take the hound a walk/swim and then the boys can kick a ball around, after that we are either going out for a bite to eat or I'm cooking at my house. Am hopefull that it will go well, I am very close to my numerous nieces/nephews and my friends children so hope that means I am a 'kids' type of person. On second thoughts that is probably down to the fact that I act like a child at times have a strong sense of fun

Thurso am with you Babe!
x

Evening all

zany thats really hard, I hate blended families and all the rubbish that goes with them , but what can you do other than get on with it! Chin up my love, as always other BB's have had wiser words than I ever could.

Well today was interesting, I took my FIL to an AA meet in the next town, and I ended up doing the main share for the first time. (for non Aa's - this is when you basically talk for about 20-25mins to the group about your story).
Was kinda weird coz I was talking to a friend about the fact that I was becoming anxious that at some point I was going to have to do this, and I was concerned about it. So, it is now done, and I feeling like I crossed another hurdle .

Totally mentally exhausted - but in a good way.
Off to my own meeting tonight - I know that it weird, but I really want to go to my "own" meeting, I really only went today for FIL, who is really struggling atm, but probably ended up helping myself a huge amount, weird how things work!

Right - not reading back just posting this

Hope everyone is good tonight.

PS, DD is driving me demented this evening, cant wait for my mum to arrive so I can let her be driven up the wall instead. Oh - and not only will she babysit - she'll also do the ironing! Result!

Sounds like a plan bafana

Right, saying goodnight to all of you wonderful Babes. Might not be around much this weekend, we have guests tomorrow and then we're off to visit family on Sunday.

Next weekend, I have the weekend off from smiling.

I'm shattered!

Take care Babes. xxxx

Well, I did it, I went to my first meeting

They were a very friendly bunch and a couple of women immediately started chatting to me and explaining what goes on which was a bit tricky because I was trying really hard not to throw up with nerves but I relaxed once things got under way. I knew to expect a wide variety of people there and boy was there! from quite posh women right through to some utter loons (who knows if that's cause or effect?)

I got the big book (it's actually very small ) and a much more extensive list of local meetings than I found online.

I think I'm going to try out a few different times/venues to find a place I really like before choosing a home meeting and sponsor but I feel very positive about it all.

One of the things that has been putting me off going to AA has been the bit about making amends but I feel reassured that by the time you get to that step, you're ready for it and there's no rush.

Bafana - well done for doing the share. Public speaking terrifies me, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do it myself, are you expected to as some stage?

Hello everyone else, I hope you've had a good day

Really pleased the meeting went well Golly sounds like a good idea to go to a few until you find one that feels right

Well done Bafana on telling your story, seems as though you are helping yourself and your FIL.

Anyone about?

so pleased for you golly - i remember the day i went to my first meeting - i sort of crept in, my face was all red and blotchy and bloated, i felt worthless, ill and depressed - i honestly dont recognise that person now!

i have to admit to feeling HUGE FUCKING RESENTMENT earlier this evening, its been a hell of a week one way and another and i REALLY wanted a glass of wine, i DIDNT want to do the drill, i spent about half an hour doing 'angry cooking' (this involves lots of pan banging and swearing! ), it has passed! , now im just tired and warm and full of dinner, i now just need to dream about something other than marketing strategies and profit margins!, a good rude one with ross kemp would be good! (i know!, i have no taste! )

anyway, night babes!, thanks for being here!, you have no idea of the help you all were to earlier!, remembering that you were all here kept me on the straight and narrow!

here for mo zany!, you ok?

Good for you JWN - and thanks for posting, you know it kind of helps knowing that I'm not the only one who feels resentful (and stupid because I know that I'm the one who was responsible for all of it).

I've had a friend staying and we had such a lovely walk on the beach this afternoon. She's not much of a drinker but I did feel kind of inhospitable this evening not offering her anything. I doubt that she even noticed, but I still do. I have another couple of friends coming to stay in April, and they ARE drinkers, so I will have to work out a good way round that one. One night is OK 'cos we're off to see a comedian and I can drive and then easily avoid a nightcap later when they're getting stuck into whiskey (not my tipple - ever), the other night will need some planning - not really projecting here, just getting my defences in order

Hope all babes (and babelets) are sleeping well tonight.

Sending special thoughts for noteven x

Yeah I'm good JWN was just a bit bored/trying to get out of doing chores by chatting on here. Glad the moment has passed for you. Just think how much better you will feel tomorrow for not drinking.

Good to get your defences in orderVenus a beach walk sounds lovely.

Off to bed in a mo, want to be up early for a swim before I watch my DS (who is with their Dad tonight) play football.

Hope everyone, and Noteven is OK

Golly

Well done - gld it was okay and that you are thinking of going again.

There is no expectation that you will speak. Basically, these things are by invitation only - if and when you are six months sober, if you share "from the floor" and someone (typically from another group) finds what you are saying interesting and inspirational, (s)he my invite you to "do the share" at the other group the following week or some time in the future. Even then you can say no if you want. So keep it in the day and try not to worry about something which is at least half a year away.

Rest assured too that you are under no obligation EVER to get a sponsor, choose a home group or work the Steps. Many people do; but you don't have to.

I say thi because some well-meaning buffoon is going to tel you before long that you DO have to do x y or z. Well, you don't. So don't worry when it happens.

Well done again on a big step (no pun intended.)

Morning babes and Miflaw (crikey Mif you were up late last night!)

Well done JWN on sending the demon packing. I hope the Ross Kemp dream was good .

Zany have a lovely time with DP and DC's. It's lovely and sunny here this morning, hope the same with you.

Bafana hope you had a good rest after your emotional time. Well done!,as you say it's weird how the help thing works. I think you just have to go with how you feel (not that I've been to AA, but in other situations.

Golly So glad you're first meeting went well, the more I read about AA on here, the less scared I am .

Menus have a lovely time with your friend, what's the weather like with you?

Mouse have a good weekend, hope Nemo sleeping well.

Everyone else who isn't on this page, who I haven't mentioned by name (I'll lose this if I look back) have a good one

Finally
THANK YOU so much for all your kind messages of support yesterday.
I couldn't get back on the computer later, because it's in a different room, but I was so grateful.
DH went to the doc's, and has been prescribed AD's and sleeping tablets. Still awake very early, but not in such a state this morning. He is up painting DC's woodwork at the mo (we were in the middle of decorating, not just a whim ), and then wants to go out for a walk. All part of the slightly, dare I say manic behaviour when he gets like this. Also, going to play sport this afternoon, so may be able to get on here then.

Much love everyone xxxx

Ma [kiss icon]

Menus , Venus xxx

I have looked back now

Indie are you, DP and babes well?. I didn't see you around yesterday. Maybe you were out red nosing .