thinking of cutting my wrists

[onelastchance]

or some other way of ending it all

I reckon you need a bigger dose of ADs. I sympathise with the weight gain thing although there isn't cast iron evidence that it does cause it, but even if it does, what is more important now? Your weight or your mental health and the future of your family?

I hope you get an appointment soon. It is vital!

It's hard for anyone to support a seriously depressed person, but even harder if they have no knowledge or understanding of depression. And clearly your DH does not. Don't rely on him for all your support. He can't offer what you need.

I have clinical depression + BPD. Have felt suicidal on and off for years. I now take high dose venlafaxine - it's picked me up enough to start coping with life and am having therapy too.
You need to go to your gp - be very honest with them - ask to see a psychiatrist, discuss anti-d's. Ask for helpline numbers - they really do understand. Anti-d's take 6-8 weeks to work fully and for side effects to wear off. But it's worth it.
I'm happy to be alive now and i feel horrified at how close i came to dying. Depression is an illness with a high mortality rate - you have to fight it, and while many like your dh won't understand, there are so many others who will.

Make an ANTI suicide plan of what you will do if u start to be suicidal. Write down people you can call, things you can do to stop yourself.

Look in a bookshop for books on depression with self help plans (make sure the authors are actual psychiatrists or psychologists). But you must take anti-d's too.

only a day and a half til the appt now. Can i ask why you think my dh doesn't understand at all?

only a day and a half til the appt now. Can i ask why you think my dh doesn't understand at all?

Has he suffered from depression? Apologies if so. If not, and forgive me for sounding harsh I am honestly trying to help, but to him you probably just seem to be unstable, illogical, inconsistent as well as in a sort of pain he won't comprehend unless he's been there . I've suffered from depression in the past and am currently on citalopram and have been for 2.5 years. Dh has also suffered after his father died and it took prozac and counselling to get him gradually back on course. At the time I tried to be kind and understanding but his behaviour was totally out of all my frames of reference - nothing I had experienced had been like this. I ended up being impatient and angry. Now I've seen the other side I am ashamed at my ignorance. And truthfully he still wasn't as supportive of me as he could be.

OLC, understand your triggers, you clearly - like me - get worse at night.

Some depressives wake up full of doom, I woke up hopeful, but that ebbed and slid away to despair in the the wee small hours.

You are not YOU at the moment, YOU is not calling the shots, depression is. Try to slow down, really think about what you are feeling and if there is any real tangible reason for that feeling. If not, tell yourself that is the depression feeling it, not you.

Your H, if he's never been there, will not understand. FWIW, it sounds like he's just trying to get through this, to do whatever it takes but he's as lost as you are.

It's OK, inform yourself, so you understand what is happening to your body, and tell him about it, he may be able to understand you better then.