thinking of cutting my wrists

[onelastchance]

or some other way of ending it all

Glad you're feeling better onelast, and that you'll ring the Dr tomorrow. Hopefully you'll be able to find an AD that works for you, and talk to them about your concerns. Take care. x

thanks cheerful :)

There is help out there OLC. Whether it's different ADs or a different counsellor, you can get through this. Best of luck.

you know, i wonder if the 10mg is what is making you feel like this - when i was coming off citalopram, when i was on 10mg it was almost worse than none at all. The optimum therapeutic dose is 40mg, i was on this to start after 20mg not working for me, then went down to 20mg for about a year, reduced to 10mg felt awful, dropped it completely. Im doing OK ish, but my anxiety is quite high at the moment.

Ask your doctor if you can be given Ciprolex - this is better than citalopram but not the drug of choice because its more expensive. I might have to go back onto ADs and if i do, this is what i will be using.

It is imperitive that you tell the doctor that you have had suicidal thoughts as some ADs can make this worse to start with and wont be suitable.

Let us know how you get on xx

Hope you can get an appointment tomorrow - tell them it is urgent.
In the meantime, can you make an action plan in case you feel like this again?
Who can you ring? Write the numbers down.
Think of how you got over these feelings this time so they can help you if there is another time you feel this bad.

• Talk with someone every day, preferably face to face. AHave you got trusted friend or family member to spend time with you. Or continue to call a
• Make a written plan for yourself every day and stick to it, no matter what. Keep a regular routine as much as possible, even when your feelings seem out of control. *Get outside for at least 30-minutes a day, especially if it is sunny!
• Exercise as vigorously as is safe for you. To get the most benefit, aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. But you can start small. Three 10-minute bursts of activity can have a positive effect on mood. Exercise endorphins are your friend!
• Make time for things that bring you joy. Even if very few things bring you pleasure at the moment, force yourself to do the things you used to enjoy. Tell yourself you will do it for 5 minutes at least and see how you go...

Be kind to yourself and take care.

oh thnks so much> ust tried to book appt online - erliestappt is a week away :(

will call in morning and ask for something sooner if poss

You know, I can't help but wonder if anti depressants are not the issue/answer. Your marriage is not good, your dh does not hear you, you have been on the verge of leaving him for a long time but have done nothing. Anti depressants can only do so much.

At some point you are going to have to make changes in your life onelastchance. I think you need to up the counselling, do you think that would be something you could look into? To establish just what it is that is stopping you from leaving the marriage/working on it, whatever the answer may be.

olc - a week is a long time, ring up a tell them it is an emergency. It is! You are important! Most GPs surgeries keep a couple of slots free for emergencies.
If neccessary, write down what you want to sayto the GP before you go in, in case you feel overwhelmed.
Even if ADs are not the answer, a gp appointment is a good place to start in term of counselling, or a link-worker.

thnks perfumed and arfur

Tell them it's an emergency, go down there and wait if you have to, you have to be seen tomorrow.

onemore, you can beat this, you will.

thnks hissey. guess i don't feel its an emergency now as don't feel suicidal atm. Will def call in the morning tho

OLC, if you have been thinking seriously about self harming and ending it all then it is an emergency even if you don't feel like this all the time. You deserve help, call, tell them about the feelings you have been having. Be honest and tell them you have been thinking about concrete methods - a GP worth their salt will see you and should also set wheels in motion for you to get a referral to mental health services.

ADs are good, waiting lists for talking therapies are long but you should explore all the possibilities of help that there are out there.

The fact that you got to that point is enough. What you need now is support in place to stop you getting there.

Citalopram is good for some kinds of depression, panic, PND. There are many different kinds of AD, so you need to find another that will even things out a bit.

Please promise me something until tomorrow onemorechance? that you be strong, remind yourself that this will pass, and that you will recover. No-one expected me to make it through my depression, and I very nearly didn't, but I'm still here, 10+ years on. Have you read much on the subject? I was told it was the only way out, and it did help me. Feeling Good Handbook is a good working book.

You know that ending it is not the answer, that it'll cause suicide ripples in your family for generations, and the pain of your loss will never heal.

You are worth the best of everything, you need to see him grow into a hulking great big man, who knows, perhaps bounce your grandchildren on your knee one day? You know he loves you with every part of his being, and you know how much you love him. Your DH was there for you too last night, he wants to help you too.

The depression can't beat you, because it's not real. Only your love for your son and his for you is real, everything else just falls in around that.

Please go to the Drs, don't let them fob you off about an appointment, tell them how you have been feeling, don't leave until they see you.

Could DH go with you?

Thinking of you girl, let us know how you get on eh?

thanks so much hissey.

I'm upset with h again now as i told what people had said on here about seeing doctor asap. He siad he didn't know if it was necessary as "he got things back on track yesterday evening" I was really offended by this comment as it clerly shows he's not taking things seriously at all. I'm in bed now and have toldhim to leave me alone, which mans he'll go to spare room. If i ask him to come with me to docs, sure he'll say he's too busy at work..

part of the problem is his detachment, as therfore mine :( Not really a proper marriage

Today is Sunday, and I sincerely hope that you are having a better day. Your son would be DEVASTATED without you, and if you were to go through with your dark thoughts, it would mark him for life. I myself am in a desperate situation but NOTHING is worth ending your life and ruining your sons.

Please seek help. You were born to LIVE.

i know, and it's my littl boys who keps me going alot of the time. he had a long cuddle with me after dinner - didn't want him to go to bed ...
Just heard h go off to the spare room

Call the Dr's in the morning, try about 8am as that's when a lot of them open for 'emergency' bookings. Tell them it's an emergency - it is. I have never been on AD's so don't know much about them, but as a couple of others on here have said 10mg of C doesn't sound good, my friends who are on them are on much more and when they have come off them and got down to 10mg they have felt like utter crap and actually felt much better when they were right off of them or back on a decent dose.

I don't know you and I don't know your DH, but to me it sounds like you would be better off without him tbh. Being on your own is far preferable to being in a marriage where there is no closeness & where you don't feel loved and cherished- that is a very lonely place to be :(

I think you have a few good reasons to be low - so it's hard to know if AD's will help or not, but I don't think the 10mg is doing you any favours.

OP, you've had great advice on here. Just wanted to say you sound like a lovely mum and you've been courageous enough to ask for help on here.

Please please stay strong and don't leave your little boy without his lovely mum.

Suicidal feelings can be a side effect of citalopram so you may need to change. I found that I made much more progress when I combined ADs with counselling. CBT is best, but the waiting list was so long I found a counsellor who used CBT based techniques and whilst with counselling gets a little worse before it gets better, I came on leaps and bounds and genuinely haven't looked back since. I learned how to tell when the big lows were coming way before they surfaced and how to deal with them at the early stages - a real revelation and has changed my life completely.

Good luck my darling. This too shall pass. It really really will x

I don't think your H knows what do do, how to be. I think he's possibily scared of depression, so is trying to chivvy you along somehow.

It could be that for him, going to the Dr concretises it, makes it real, and he doesn't know what that means.

He probably just wants you back, he wants the depression to go, and going to the Dr, saying you are suicidal is signs to him that it's more serious than he knows what to do with.

If you can, try to reassure him that this happens to many people, 1 in 3. That it's the psychological version of catching a cold. It's nasty, it's distressing, but it IS beatable. Hard work, but doable. That said, it IS a serious illness, it can be life threatening, which is why treatment, doctors, drug and talking therapy are vital.

Tell him that 'This will pass' with his help and support and TRUST, it ought to pass faster, so you need him to keep a cool head. That he can talk to you about it, that you are scared too, and that it's OK to be scared.

If he has questions he'd like answered, suggest he comes to the Dr with you one time, if you'd like that.

Agree with Sand, CBT is fabulous, literally saved my life. For me, no drugs worked.

Called doc and can't get appt til next week. Dh tried to talk to me this morning, but i didn't want to.

Maybe changing ad would be a good idea but need one which doesn't make me gain weight - heard prozac ok?

You need to see someone quicker than a weeks time, do you have any numbers for mental health team or even your health visitor? If you talked to them they might be able to get you an appointment quicker.

Perhaps your DH is trying to play down your depression as isn't aware how bad you are feeling, my DP has done this in the past and I don't think it was that he doesn't care just that he is hoping its not so bad IYKWIM? (obviously hoping it isn't really bad does not make it so)

Hope you are feeling (a bit) better

no numbers for the above people - have no involvement with them.

Will try to hang on thil next week

you sound so much like me when i get down - your DH doesn't understand, thats not neccesarily his fault, its a very difficult thing to understand. It would be really good if he could come to the doctors with you, might help him to understand.

At our health practice the protocol is to ring first thing in the morning and you will be given an appointment, it means ringing and basically being on hold for ages as soon as the practice opens, but you pretty much get an appointment - the non emergency ones are often two weeks away. No one can wait that long if they are ill, and you ARE ill. Ring them first thing in the morning and insist on being seen, if they mess you about thell them you will have to present yourself at A&E and tell them your medical practice wont give you an appointment.

The side effects of ADs vary, prozac is the same sort of drug as cialopram, but may well have differing side effects. I didnt put any weight on with citalopram (id already piled it on when i had my mirena coil bastard thing).

Don't hang on til next week, you don't have to - you mustn't. Do not be fobbed off, your suicidal feelings are as much an emergency as a heart attack as they can have the same outcome :(