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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

thinking of cutting my wrists

132 replies

onelastchance · 26/02/2011 21:05

or some other way of ending it all

OP posts:
Tsil · 26/02/2011 21:29

Could you pack a bag and go stay with family? Maybe some time to talk to someone in RL might help.

My DH is the same so I know how disheartening it can be but think if what you little boy would do without you. All the things you would miss, his school acheivements, his first girlfriend, wedding etc. Nothing is worth him growing up with his mum.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/02/2011 21:30

Frankly, I wouldn't bother to try to talk to him again - he's pushed you away twice and ignored you while you were crying. Go and sleep with your son tonight and tomorrow, have a good think about life.

I don't know what's been happening between you two lately, but he sounds like an arse :(

angrygingermidget · 26/02/2011 21:30

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Your son needs you and he loves you. His life would never be better without you. Please find the strength to phone the samaritans or talk to someone.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/02/2011 21:31

issey (big hug) x

toddlerwrangler · 26/02/2011 21:31

Oh OP, I am almost in tears for you.

I have SO been there. I had the pills, the booze, the note, the everything. BUT my little boy loves me. He NEEDS me. Yours needs you.

PLEASE call smmaritans, and please stay and talk to us until you do. Some of us have been there. x

ElenorRigby · 26/02/2011 21:34

I got very close to ending my life in the past, indeed as I was going through the act all those who really loved me and cared for me somehow flooded in to my mind. I stopped there and then.

I now know, no matter how bad things are, we have choices, choices to make a change.......
Even if we feel utterly worthless and unloved, there are people who do love and care about us. Please believe that x

No matter how bad things are, you get through it all.

CheerfulMe · 26/02/2011 21:41

I hope you're okay, my dear. I was also going to suggest sitting near or with your little one, even if they're sleeping. When I've been at my worst I've found that very calming and a good way to refocus on what's most important.
If you succeed in talking with your H I hope it goes well.

Original poster
onelastchance · 26/02/2011 21:48

thanks. I wen to see him. He saw how upset i was and came to hug me. Told him how bad i was feeling and he tried to reassure me. In the end i went away tho saying that it was pointless talking to him and he said ok.

OP posts:
CheerfulMe · 26/02/2011 21:51

Maybe talking IS pointless right now as you don't feel there's anything he could say that would help. But could he sit with you, or you with him, and maybe just agree not to talk? Perhaps some more hugs without speaking will help you get through until you feel calmer?
Stay safe. x

ilovesooty · 26/02/2011 21:51

I think it's jumping to a huge conclusion to say you're better off without him as one poster has suggested. I'm wondering if he's feeling frustrated and helpless as he can't make it better.

FourFortyFour · 26/02/2011 21:52

You need to tell him what you need from him, you can't expect him to just know.

loflo · 26/02/2011 22:03

could you maybe just sit together without talking like cheerfulme suggested? or go and watch DS sleeping and remind yourself how much he needs his mummy?

NotEnoughTime · 26/02/2011 22:10

How are you feeling now onelastchance?

loflo · 26/02/2011 22:17

I am off to bed onelast but I hope you can maybe get some sleep tonight. Remember breathing space and the samaratins will always listen and help. Take care.

SunshineisSorry · 26/02/2011 22:26

Have you told him you have been sitting there contemplating suicide? You have to tell him, you have to tell SOMEONE.

loflo is right, go and look at your son - he NEEDs you, you are his mummy and he needs you to be there for him. No matter what happens with your DH, you have your lovely son.

I don't know the history with your DH but it might not be over you know, you feel so shit just now that you are not thinking straight - what has happened lovely? Do you think telling us would help? Don't worry if you don't want to.

Samaritans - fantastic, will listen, get you through the here and now, then if you are strong enough, give you numbers of local places to go for help. I want you to go to see your doctor on Monday and tell them what you have been feeling.

Is here anyone you can talk to in RL?

We are here for you. Hold on tight xxx

want2sleep · 26/02/2011 22:30

he said 'ok' just to agree with you cause he doesnt want to see you upset anymore...go downstairs and ask him for a big hug cause that is what you need right now!

If you feel you cant go and cuddle your baby...

I feel like this sometime ds (6) is disabled and I am on my own coping with debt, ex trying to kill us, no family, no friends and sometimes I feel there is no future I might as well be dead. But without me ds would be in care...so ds keeps me strong....you are your ds 'world' and needs you as much as you need your ds. Please remember and hold on to that tonight hun.

CheerfulMe · 26/02/2011 23:24

Hope you're ok, onelast. I'm going to bed now but thinking of you. Take care of yourself and your little man...

perfumedlife · 26/02/2011 23:58

onelastchance please don't cut yourself.

There isn't a man alive worth killing yourself over and it is an insult to your little child to act like there is. Your child needs you, even if this man doesn't. I wish you had given him one last chance because this marriage has been broken for a long time, and you are still stuck.

Do you think you should go back to the gp re the anti depressants? How is the counselling going?

Sandinmyshoes · 27/02/2011 07:11

OP how are you today? I have been there - feeling like I wanted to end it, I even tried once. I'm so glad I failed. This horrible thick fog will lift one day and it will be so so worth it. Please go and see your GP as soon as you can. Write everything down while you are still low and take it with you. Don't fall in to the trap of telling yourself there's nothing anyone else can do to help you or that you are just being stupid or are a lost cause. None of these things are true.

Lots and lots of love and hugs.

Original poster
onelastchance · 27/02/2011 11:34

Thanks SO much for ll your support> Dh came back upstairs after a little while> said he couldn't hear me crying as he had tv on. He was failry supportive.

I'm going to make a docs appt to see if i can get nay help. On ad's but dont seem to be working.

Thanks again x

OP posts:
TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 27/02/2011 14:32

Glad you are getting the help you need.

SunshineisSorry · 27/02/2011 19:05

onelastchance, what ADs are you on, and how long have you been taking them?

Sometimes when you start ADs it can actually be worse for a bit, make sure you tell your doctor how you were feeling this weekend

Glad you are feeling a bit better xxx

Original poster
onelastchance · 27/02/2011 19:52

i've been on citalopram 10mg for about year

OP posts:
CrazyHorse · 27/02/2011 19:57

10mg doesn't sound enough to me...20mg would sound much more sensible. GO AND SEE YOUR GP FIST THING TOMORROW MORNING!

You shouldn't feel this way, and I know from experience better meds can help.

You say your son would miss you. That tells me you are are good mum. He needs you. Wake up tomorrow morning and be there for him.

Original poster
onelastchance · 27/02/2011 19:59

i was on 20mg bfore but hate the weight gain :( wondred if prozac might be better as weight gain not supposed to be so much of a problem. Will be calling dr tomorrow :)

OP posts:
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