Hmmm. What would you do?

[BabyYoureAFirework]

Don't know where to start really without this being very long, and very dull

I've been seeing someone for the last few months - it has been very intense from the start, and I fell for him quickly.

The children have met him and spent some time with him, I've met his mum and dad, and it has been a relationship that I will never forget.

But by god has he fucked me about. He's finished it a couple of times, freaked out about being in a relationship, asked me to move in, changed his mind, and generally behaved like a bit of a cunt, to be honest.

I've kept going back though. I really thought it would work, I thought we were perfect together, which is why I couldn't accept that he's a dick.

Last night, I had to take ds to A & E because he cut his head open and had to be glued back together. Not once did my 'man' text me to see if he was ok... and then when I spoke to him this morning, he didn't even ask after him.

It's like a light has gone on in my head. This relationship is really not good for me. I've feared for my mental health throughout because it's been so tempestuous, and the way I've behaved... this is completely out of character for me.

So. I need to finish it, don't I?

But I need my hand holding. I know it's the right thing, and I am going to do it. But I need somewhere to talk.

Sorry. It ended up being very long and very dull after all

Well, a few short months and all that has happened already! There has been talk of moving in together? Surely where kids are involved that's not very clever?

I had a dramatic and brief fling years ago, felt like you, look back now and just feel mortified.

Yes, it sounds rubbish.

If you feel the relationship isn't right then yes I would end it. Also I think it was way too soon to even think about living together. Good luck and I hope the break up goes as well as it can do :)

Yeah, perfumed. It was only talk, mind - but I really considered it, to the point of looking for jobs in his area.

I feel like a twat. And the last time he finished it, and then came back, I told him that it would be the last time, and I meant it. Since then.... my feelings are fading by the day. He's really hurt me, and I wasn't expecting it. I had managed to get to my old age without really having my heart broken.

Meh. It's all a lesson, innit. I'm gutted. But I'm feeling very strong about it for once.

I think there should be an emoticon for an alarm bell ringing, because we can all hear it (and glad you can too).

Well done for seeing through it. It takes some of us lots longer. Definitely finish it.

Tempestuous, intense, fucked up. The man will suck the very life from your veins. He didn't ask about your DS because he doesn't give a fuck about him or how worried you are - and a decent human being would, you know that, don't you?

Life will improve when he is done and dusted and you've told him he's not good enough for you. Not what you want. You deserve better. He will get the shock of his life - and you'll be met with either anger (how dare YOU leave him) or hearts and flowers to win you back, because nobody leaves him.

Do think about the example you are setting to your kids too? Do you want them to think relationships are all about getting your heart broken, or about respect and care? Remember, they'll learn from you.

That the sort of hand holding you want, OP?

yankee, I would say the same thing to anyone else. But it felt right. It felt like we were meant to be. It's funny how your mind can play tricks on you. I'm just glad that I'm not going to let it go on and on. It would make me ill.

Belle... you sound like me

I've had real issues here. Learnt a lot about myself, and every single thing you say is true.

I'm a feisty, strong bird. Always have been. But something happened to me with this one, and it's fucked me over a bit, and made me feel weak.

Not any more though. Not on my fucking watch

You need some one who is a great BF and also a great family man too. it is a big ask but nothing else will do for your children.

So i would say, this one is not the one. sorry

Brilliant that you are able to listen to your own gut feeling and can act on that. Did sound like things were a bit strange with the bloke and where children are involved you're best not to venture into the strange.

If you told close friends and family members how he behaves would they be encouraging him into your family?

That's how I would look at it.

Who knows how he would change with you in his house, or if your dc gets annoying or loud or has a temper? Is he calm enough to handle it?

What is like around your children otherwise? I mean I'm not saying that this incident was alright, but if it was a one off? Does he normally lavish time to talk about your kids, share in your problems or let you unburden your stress?

I think you know the answer.

I went out with a cunt like this, it is bad enough treading on egg shells with men like this when you are single and fancy free, but when you come as a package it is extra stressful. Would you want to put your kids through that?

When we split up it was a mix of sadness, because I felt that I had failed in the relationship, but also half of it was relief, he was draining.

Amazingly I bumped into him on an island in the Maldives a few years later (what were the chances eh?) where he was on his honeymoon with his poor wife. Well they seemed happy enough and he made super smug comments loudly over dinner and was all lovely dovey - he never was with me, so I am assuming it was all for my benefit.

I smiled inwardly as I knew he had a cock like a mouses' tongue and she had to live with that.... And his bloody moods - which even his parents complained about.

I left him to get on with it and just enjoyed the holiday with DH and DS.

Be strong and think of the person you want in your life who enhances it, and gives you energy, not some soul destroying big kid.

Soul destroying is exactly it.

I'm ashamed of how different I've become. He's turned me into this needy, pathetic... thing - messed with my confidence and played with my insecurities.

Up until this point, I thought he didn't mean to. He has issues, there is no doubt - but I'm not a saver. I need someone that looks after me for once.

He was great with the dc. But if a man gets to 40 years old without ever being married or having children, there's a reason. And now I'm seeing it.

Glad you're getting your feisty knickers back on

We can all have moments of weakness - otherwise we wouldn't be human, and there are men (and women) out there who look for weakness, hone in on it and work it. You met one. No shame in it - he's the tosser, not you. And you've learnt a lesson and come back fighting.

Wish I could be the fly on the wall when you tell him though.

"Darling, it's not me, it's you..."

Have you told him yet?

"I think there should be an emoticon for an alarm bell ringing" Deffo!

Baby, you are sad because you are mourning what could have been.

The faster a relationship heats up the more the bells will ring for us here.

You know what to do, get on and do it. Give thanks to god you didn't waste years with him like I did or have a child with him that will forever bind you to him somehow like I did

I binned my 'H' of 10 years last week. I really AM kicking myself for being such a twat to have put up with all this shit for so long.

Bear in mind that he has done this to you on purpose. Oh yes he has. People like him are good at this, good at finding that tiny little crack of weakness in an otherwise sorted and confident person. It's part of the thrill for him to take a confident woman and fuck her up - men like this hate women and get their jollies from basically 'putting them in their place' - he wants you to be unsettled, upset and needy, the idea is that your life should start to revolve around pleasing him.
Bin him. Say ;I'm bored with you now, sorry, bye, have a nice life' and cut all contact.
He may refuse to go and get nasty, if he harasses you and doesn't piss off when told to, report him for harassment.

I let a bloke make a tit of me once

Never again

Give yourself a slap and move on

Some of the best cunts are the ones that just manage to find that little chink even in the fiestiest of women

the fiestier the better, they get even more "cunt" points for making you roll over for a while 'cos you is a challenge

Nobody is immune, don't think you are anything different

he stupidest thing you could do now, would be to let him back in

he will probably try and he will be fucking gooood at it

but you know better now

don't you ?

I fucking do as well.

I'm seeing him at the weekend, so will do the deed then. I've had quite enough of this shit. And to be honest, I sort of feel like I've had a bit of a lesson. I won't allow myself to be treated like this ever again.

But she was a great survivor! And tomorrow is another day! (Albeit preferably one without, you know, slavery. Though the flouncy dresses and southern food prepared by other people sound nice.)

Seriously: we've most of us been there. Well done you on getting out of there relatively swiftly, before damage can really be done. I'm sorry you've had a crappy time of it. Some men (well, people really) are cretins, aren't they?

"Some men (well, people really) are cretins, aren't they?"

Sorry, can't resist..

why wait until the weekend ?

put the boot in right now, you will feel better for it

You deserve so much better than to be messed around by this knob and I am glad that you can see it.

We'll hold your hand do manly pats on the back when you do it.

Agree, no point waiting until the weekend. The end result will be the same, you will worry about it until the weekend, it will fuck up your weekend, and after the way he's acted I don't think he deserves any more of your time than necessary. A phone call will suffice. You will feel a massive sense of relief once it's done, so don't prolong it.

Thank you

I already have my train ticket PAFPM. Might as well get my money's worth.

I feel on top of the world today. Strong, and free. I've got my swagger back

Or, enjoy Thursday and Friday knowing something he doesn't (ie that he's dumped)

Look on the bright side. Even at what you imply is an advanced age (though it sounds like quite a lot younger than me, and I ain't old) you are capable of finding romance. You've still got it in you, and you've remembered how not to take any shit as well. This fling did one good thing, it woke up your inner tigress. What a pity he couldn't be a decent man who you would remember with fondness instead of a dick you'll be grateful to see the back of. But the fun stuff did happen, because you're a woman who knows how to have fun. You'll be ok.

Don't let any doubts creep in before he weekend hen

No "last shags"

Personally, I would forgo the cost of the ticket, just to make that satisfying phone call

You never know, he may have picked up on your plans and be waiting to dump you from a great height

get in first, I say, your self eseem will thank you for it

I did the final dumping of my head-fucker and boy it was good, even though he had done it to me several times before I was soooo glad I got in before him

oh, the tears and snot and begging was very satisfying < fond memories >

sorry for the missing t 's there