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Original poster

Hmmm. What would you do?

123 replies

BabyYoureAFirework · 23/02/2011 18:34

Don't know where to start really without this being very long, and very dull Grin

I've been seeing someone for the last few months - it has been very intense from the start, and I fell for him quickly.

The children have met him and spent some time with him, I've met his mum and dad, and it has been a relationship that I will never forget.

But by god has he fucked me about. He's finished it a couple of times, freaked out about being in a relationship, asked me to move in, changed his mind, and generally behaved like a bit of a cunt, to be honest.

I've kept going back though. I really thought it would work, I thought we were perfect together, which is why I couldn't accept that he's a dick.

Last night, I had to take ds to A & E because he cut his head open and had to be glued back together. Not once did my 'man' text me to see if he was ok... and then when I spoke to him this morning, he didn't even ask after him.

It's like a light has gone on in my head. This relationship is really not good for me. I've feared for my mental health throughout because it's been so tempestuous, and the way I've behaved... this is completely out of character for me.

So. I need to finish it, don't I?

But I need my hand holding. I know it's the right thing, and I am going to do it. But I need somewhere to talk.

Sorry. It ended up being very long and very dull after all Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 21/03/2011 13:42

But he wouldn't know that in 2 weeks, would he? We only split up a few weeks ago, - if he only slept with someone else a weeks or so later, it would be too soon for her to either a) know that she had an abnormal smear result, or b) have been tested for something.

So he's either full of shit - or he fucked someone else while we were together.

Thanks for that, Lox.

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madonnawhore · 21/03/2011 13:52

Go get tested anyway but it sounds like attention seeking bullshit to me.

Lox · 21/03/2011 14:01

I don't think he has slept with anyone - even if someone he slept with 5 years ago has had an abnormal smear result it is highly unlikely she would have been HPV tested. It is just not done as a huge waste of resources atm - new technology could change that in the future.

2 weeks - impossible.

Lox · 21/03/2011 14:04

Oh, and HPV is slow to cause cervical changes that would be picked up by smear.

IGNORE!

Still get screened for other things (full panel) if you feel uneasy about other possibilities.

All women need to make sure you go for the routine smear tests - they save lives. This is the ONLY way you would end up finding out about HPV and then only if severe abnormal results.

Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 21/03/2011 14:12

So I called him. Told him either he's a lying cunt, or she is. He said that she'd sent him a text earlier to tell him that she was mistaken, and he was going to call me tonight to tell me - he didn't realise that I'd be worried. Obvs.

So I told him not to call me again. And I'm going to change my number tonight.

Cunt.

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Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 21/03/2011 14:13

Scuse the language. I'm shaking with rage.

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Lox · 21/03/2011 14:22

I can understand why you are so angry. See, the thing is he is a b*stard who tried to scare you and keep you thinking about him. Had he picked chlamydia he could have had you worried from now until a result came through for you (couple of weeks?). Unfortunatley for him he picked an unrealistic STD to 'discover' in 2 weeks and a weirdy internet person outed him for you. Wink

Move on with a new number and a spring in your step, you've dropped a load of dead weight there.

PeterAndreForPM · 21/03/2011 14:34

He is lying, he obviously knows fuck-all about sexual health

if he is happy to try and wind you up like this, then something put the idea in his head.

probably that he poked other women while he was with you Hmm

I would get yourself tested anyway and cease all further contact

he doesn't deserve to know the outcome...and you don't need to know what is happening wih him

Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 21/03/2011 16:21

Done it all. Have deleted all his numbers, and I don't have them written down anywhere - and changed my number about an hour ago. He can't contact me again - which is just what I need. What a wanker.

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ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 21/03/2011 16:33

What a weirdo! Total lyin cunt. Well done for changing numbers - lucky escape! How evil to lie and make someone (potentially) worry. Evil evil shit!

Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 21/03/2011 16:43

It's all about control and power though, isn't it ASLD... he didn't have it anymore, so he had to try and get some back. Well, that's the end of him as far as I'm concerned. He can fuck off Grin

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madonnawhore · 21/03/2011 16:45

My ex continues to pull this kind of shit on me. Luckily he must have deleted my number from his phone in a fit of pique when we first split, because I only ever get emails from him, which go straight to junk mail obvs.

Welcome to the rest of your wanker-free life, OP!

Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 21/03/2011 16:50

Lox, I am grateful Wink Something about it didn't smell right from the start this morning - I knew he wasn't telling me the truth.

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Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 26/04/2011 13:09

Over a month now since we've had any contact at all. I changed my number that day, and never looked back. He has no way to contact me apart from writing me a letter - but of course, he hasn't.

Just wanted to update all you lovely ladies that helped me so much - and you really did help, the support was invaluable, and I don't know if I could have cut it off so well without you all.

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 26/04/2011 13:18

Congratulations on your successful pest removal exercise.

mrsbiscuits · 26/04/2011 13:57

The best and most intense sex I ever had was with a bloke who was completely bonkers. It still puts a smile on my face thinking about the stuff we got up to but after 7 months it was over......in every other area of life he was a nightmare! He was forever calling it off , coming back etc.....he had the emotional maturity of a toddler and there was NO WAY I was ever going to be able to live with him. Sometimes you just have to notch it up to experience and move on. ;)

Notasdaftasilook · 26/04/2011 14:20

A recent relationship with a very manipulative man was so like this for me too. I was totally devaststated when he ended it suddenly by text..back in January, not quite as bad as it sounds as it was a long distance relationship but still he could've called..anyway I very gradually have been getting over it as I really did like him a lot. He's been extremely apologetic, and we've actually been getting on really well - not seen each other again just texting. Despite me having serious reservations about staying in touch with him I've enjoyed it, he has told me how special I was and am to him and how he could never hurt me again. A couple of weeks ago he said about us meeting up as friends once in a while but made it clear that would involve us sleeping together. Initially I thought yeah why not but then had a change of heart. During our last meet up - last December - he put me down quite a bit and during our chats this year has told me all about these struggles he has controlling the good and bad in him, tbh poor excuse for bad behaviour..?? So i explained how I felt that seeing him again wouldn't be any good for my emotional stability etc. and we both agreed that we get on so well as friends that best just to keep it that way. All good. However since then I sent him the usual sort of text - general chit chat and he completely ignored it. A few days later he sent me his usual sort of one which I sent a very short reply to - about the weather. A few hours later I sent him a longer one about something that happened to me the other day - and again he completely blanked me!! Despite him agreeing with me about us not meeting - he's changed. I really think he's angry with me for daring to not fall into his little plan, having the strength to tell him and is getting his own back by playing his silly little game, ie. knowing I enjoyed keeping in touch and that's all I want - and so ingnoring me. Its quite cruel and not anything I've encountered before. Sad too in a way - for him - as I'm on the verge of deleting his number.

Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 26/04/2011 14:26

You should delete it, Notasdaftasilook - it really is the only way. Otherwise, he will always be able to be cruel - because it is a case of keeping you in the pending tray, so to speak.

It takes strength to do it, but I promise it's worth it.

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Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 26/04/2011 14:27

mrsbiscuits, in hindsight, even the sex wasn't really all that. I think in my mind I built it up to be great sex because I felt like we were connected on a certain level, but in actual fact, it was all a big fat lie. The whole thing.

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Notasdaftasilook · 26/04/2011 15:03

Yes, Baby, have had my phone off all day as I just really want to delete it but it's just making the final jump. You've been so strong and I really wish you all the happiness you deserve. Silly question, i know, but even if I delete his no. he'll still be able to text me..?? He just got me to feel sorry for him and keep me dangling. Soooo draining I need to erase him completely.

Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 26/04/2011 15:21

Notasdaft, can you change your number? Would it be a massive pain? Because I couldn't have done it otherwise. There is no way that I would have been able to ignore texts or calls from him. I would have caved.

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Notasdaftasilook · 26/04/2011 15:26

Baby, just deleted the tosser. will just ignore any msgs from him and it'll drive him nuts...and when I have wine I'll just turn phone off!! I'm sure he won't contact me again now he knows he's not in control. Whew feel better already x

Original poster
BabyYoureAFirework · 26/04/2011 16:34

Woo!! Good for you. Short and sharp, that's how it needs to be. This kind of man will always have a way to keep you on a leash otherwise. Good job! x

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