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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hmmm. What would you do?

123 replies

BabyYoureAFirework · 23/02/2011 18:34

Don't know where to start really without this being very long, and very dull Grin

I've been seeing someone for the last few months - it has been very intense from the start, and I fell for him quickly.

The children have met him and spent some time with him, I've met his mum and dad, and it has been a relationship that I will never forget.

But by god has he fucked me about. He's finished it a couple of times, freaked out about being in a relationship, asked me to move in, changed his mind, and generally behaved like a bit of a cunt, to be honest.

I've kept going back though. I really thought it would work, I thought we were perfect together, which is why I couldn't accept that he's a dick.

Last night, I had to take ds to A & E because he cut his head open and had to be glued back together. Not once did my 'man' text me to see if he was ok... and then when I spoke to him this morning, he didn't even ask after him.

It's like a light has gone on in my head. This relationship is really not good for me. I've feared for my mental health throughout because it's been so tempestuous, and the way I've behaved... this is completely out of character for me.

So. I need to finish it, don't I?

But I need my hand holding. I know it's the right thing, and I am going to do it. But I need somewhere to talk.

Sorry. It ended up being very long and very dull after all Wink

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 24/02/2011 11:05

Gosh, I've just realised we've been so busy sympathising about the annoying man no longer in your life that nobody got round to asking after your DS. We're not as bad as that thoughtless ass, honestly! I do hope DS's head is better soon. (Seeing another thread where a poor mite has chicken pox reminded me.)

poshsinglemum · 24/02/2011 11:50

you are me op. Sad

BabyYoureAFirework · 24/02/2011 11:59

It'll come, poshsinglemum A couple of weeks ago, I was devastated at the idea of not having him in my life. And now.... I sort of want him to do it cos I can't be arsed. PM me if you like, I'll send you some of my feistiness remotely Wink

DS is fine, honestly, thanks. He was running around like a mad thing yesterday as usual - came back to work today for a rest!

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FourFortyFour · 24/02/2011 13:25

Can I just say that the reality of finishing a relationship is no where near as bad as the thought of it and the relief afterwards should be bottled.

BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 16:32

I did it. I feel bereft. Am at work, so that's one good thing, but am dreading the weekend. Why is it that even when you know with absolute certainty that you've done the right thing, that there is doubt? I suppose it's the head versus heart thing.

Fuck.

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charitygirl · 25/02/2011 16:44

Well done! I am sure you would have felt more bereft if you had let him carry on with his headfuckery. A little pain now for a lot less later.

Really well done!

BarbaraBar · 25/02/2011 16:50

I had a head fuck relationship exactly like this before I met dh and had dc.

You have done absolutely the right thing.

You will feel bereft and lonely and insecure and full of doubt for a bit but little by little the old you will emerge and you will see this for the best thing you ever did. I promise.

Change his name on your mobile to "HeadFuck" so if he does call you'll be reminded. Or delete his number altogether if you're strong enough.

Well done.

HenriettaFarthingay · 25/02/2011 17:23

Well done! You know you did the right thing! There's someone out there who is good enough for you, cos this man wasn't.

Enjoy being a singleton for a while, and enjoy time with your little one.

BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 17:26

Oh I know I have done the right thing. As the hours pass, I'm more and more sure.

And no, he wasn't good enough for me. But we were friends, and that's the part I'll miss more than anything. I just wish I'd never met him, kwim?

I wish I had plans tonight, and I don't dare have a drink....

I have 2 dc, Henrietta - a little one that has far too much energy, and a big ol' teenager that is very supportive.

I'll be ok, I know that. It's just this bit - it's hateful.

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PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 18:08

You will be ok

It's not the end of the world, I promise you that

How did he take it ?

BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 21:11

Well. He was cool, calm and collected, as I knew he would be.

How, however, he is quite drunk and is calling me for ridiculous reasons. I have no doubt that I will have a call in the middle of the night. But maybe he'll surprise me.

I've blocked him on facebook. I'm not ready to delete his number.

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PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 21:15

Stop taking his calls

No good will come of it

BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 21:17

I shall turn my phone off tonight, that's what I'll do. Both the children are at home, so there's no need to have it on.

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BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 21:18

He's making it much more difficult than I thought he would. What makes me angry is that it's not because he doesn't want to lose me - it's because he's not in control. I really am seeing clearly.

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Dozer · 25/02/2011 21:19

Toxic man and relationship. You' ve done the right thing, now avoid him. Had a rsp like this once and took a long time after to see straight and realise how wrong it had been. You sound great.

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 21:24

good

take those rose tinted specs off

he will kick off now

not because he really wants you

but because you have taken the initiaive and dared to reject him

keep those wits about you

the tears and snot will start soon

closely followed by threats and sggression and hints that "you will never find anyone else who loves you as much as he does"

which is, of course, bollox

keeplaughing · 25/02/2011 21:28

Yay, I'm cheering you on. You have done brilliantly, Move on SmileWine

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 25/02/2011 21:31

Remember if he really kicks off you can call the police - only do this if there are threats or repeated harassment like billions of calls and texts, or turning up banging on the door and howling.

BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 21:36

Oh no, SGB, he lives a way away. There won't be any knocking on the door, he doesn't drive and has no money.

PAFPM - I know. I just want him to leave me alone. Not because I'm scared or threatened by him, but I need to be strong without him fucking me about even more. Although, I do know myself enough to know that if he keeps it up, I'll start to get very fucking irritated Grin

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PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 21:40

good girl x

keep posting

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/02/2011 21:44

Holy Mary mother of God... and I am neither Irish, nor catholic..... Grin

Well perhaps a little bit Irish, but most people are... somehow.. Grin

I'll reply to your PM later Baby, am supposed to be working will be up all night at this rate..(thanks so much BTW!)

The techniques hurled at me in the last hour of our contact were literally like the most scary roller coaster you can imagine.

Peter is right to warn you, your X could do all of this and more, he may do less, but he is not going to sit by and do nothing.

There really IS no reason to take his calls, so please do what you can to make sure he can't get hold of you.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this chick, keep posting and we'll help you through this if you need us to.

You are so awesome! Well done! I assume you are not taking the train this weekend then? Grin

Catch you later!
X

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/02/2011 21:45

Ah, Pete.. I can go off and earn some money... will leave the OP in your oily capable hands... Grin

PeterAndreForPM · 25/02/2011 21:48

hey, missy

I am awaiting an update from you re. your night out tomorrow x

BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 21:49

LittleMiss, you are very welcome Smile

He's not going to take it lying down, I know he isn't. But I'm prepared. I've really crossed the line today. I just wish it was Monday and it was more over, kwim?

I was hoping for the Heartbreak diet, but I'm shovelling pizza down my throat, so perhaps that wasn't meant to be Grin

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BabyYoureAFirework · 25/02/2011 21:50

Mmmmmmm. Oily hands. Do you perchance have a set of overalls, PAFPM? We could play dress up Grin

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