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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would this be acceptable to you ?

165 replies

joanne34 · 19/02/2011 10:03

Would it be okay for your DP to escort a woman home in a cab because she was so drunk she couldnt walk and all her friends had buggered off ???

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2011 07:30

The OP is satisfied with her DH's version of events

happiestblonde · 20/02/2011 12:36

Before Christmas my DP went out for drinks with a girl he's known 10 years but I don't like because she has very little to offer, she gets so drunk every time that she ends up falling into him and he really has no choice but to support her physically, I think she's always ultra flirty and even the thought of her irritates me. However, he had just moved to a new city for me and knew very few people here and I'm not the possessive type so dealt with it. He ended up at a hospital until 4am with her rather than back home by a decent hour as planned because the stupid b*tch got so drunk she fell down a flight of stairs and he had to escort her to the local A&E. This would be understandable but I saw her injuries after - she had a few scratches on her legs, little more - and it was entirely self inflicted. I went absolutely mental, probably too far, and DP has since apologised profusely and will not be going out drinking with her again, but I fully understand why this would irritate you. I haven't read the 6 pages sorry.

GreenEyesandHam · 20/02/2011 13:02

I'd be pissed off

I know that makes me a bitch, but at least I'm honest about it :o

christmaswishes · 20/02/2011 14:32

How could you be satisfied with that version of events? If she was satisfied she wouldn't be questioning it like we are and she wouldn't be posting on here.

Aww green your not a bitch! Don't let anyone teLl you different x

christmaswishes · 20/02/2011 14:32

How could you be satisfied with that version of events? If she was satisfied she wouldn't be questioning it like we are and she wouldn't be posting on here.

Aww green your not a bitch! Don't let anyone teLl you different x

FreudianSlippery · 20/02/2011 14:41

Really weird situation. Any update?

DH would escort somebody home, he's often done that on work events etc but that's all local. I totally trust him and think it's great that he's looking after his minions staff :o

£50 and 4hrs though?!? I like to think he'd call me first.

katemumtwo · 20/02/2011 16:55

Ring the taxi firm and get a quote for the distance at that time of the day. Will tell you much of what you need to know.

Also - taking a drunk woman home and going into her bedroom? He's very naive... if she had any kind of grudge against the firm or was even just a nasty bit of work she could have made up anything about that and it would be his word against hers.

create · 20/02/2011 17:27

I have been that woman (only once I promise) and am still very very grateful to the lovely man who got me back into my hotel room and behaved like a perfect gent. I know none of our colleagues believe nothing happened, but it didn't - didn't even occur to either of us.

I really hope my colleague didn't get into bother with his DW, she should be proud Smile

If the money is a problem for you she should pay though and I do agree there seem to be some holes in the story re timing, but that can happen when you're very drunk.

If his original plan had been to cycle home, he probably saw no reason to change that and end up with his bike at the wrong end of his journey.

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2011 17:45

se wasn't satisfied to begin with (hence the thread) but is now. She knows her situation, and her Dh, best. I think we have to respect that.

HHLimbo · 20/02/2011 19:30

Thats nice of you SPB.

I knew a guy like this, he would go out and be home a bit too late, yes about 4 hours, and would not answer his phone, and it would turn out he's walked a girl home.

He also had a reputation as a casanova/ladies man/playboy type, which was entirely justified..

SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 21/02/2011 11:07

i would trust my OH totally about helping a drunk woman but your story sounds very odd tbh.

neither of us would be happy about the other going out and getting so drunk we were out of control / hungover the next day. i have done this and OH has been upset by it and he is right to be honest. it's alcohol abuse, you make yourself very vulnerable and are not capable of taking full responsibility for yourself - how on earth is that okay? just because alcohol is legal in this country we seem to think it is okay to get shit faced and behave in humiliating and ridiculous ways.

mpops · 21/02/2011 11:23

Totally agree with whatacharmer too. I'd hope he would do that too!

AuntyLouLou · 21/02/2011 18:10

Hi op,

Imo this story is a bunch of bullshit. Sorry.

She's not his wife/relative therefore he had NO duty to bring her home.

If she got so drunk that she lost control the only person responsible is herself. Anyway thats moot because it's just a hardly believable cover story.

Dont believe a word OP. Very obvious bs story.

activate · 21/02/2011 18:12

yes

Original poster
joanne34 · 21/02/2011 19:00

Dp Said he carried another work colleague to her bedroom once aswell, an old work colleague of whom i work with.... this i can totally believe and trust as they are really good friends, plus i know what she gets like....

well i believe him so.... what can i do...

OP posts:
Original poster
joanne34 · 21/02/2011 19:01

whats a bs story ?

OP posts:
hmc · 21/02/2011 19:11

I think his story could be plausible. It may be an honest account of what happened. You know him better than us. However in terms of what you could do, lay some ground rules - e.g. in future you don't carry a drunk woman up to her bedroom etc, you put her in a cab but don't go with her (tbh if she was very drunk and incapable and the taxi driver wouldn't take her solo there is always the find a police officer option)

hmc · 21/02/2011 19:14

"She's not his wife/relative therefore he had NO duty to bring her home.

If she got so drunk that she lost control the only person responsible is herself. Anyway thats moot because it's just a hardly believable cover story"

Yes but some people are just nice, pleasant, kind and well intended Aunty L (admittedly not so much on mumsnet) - not everyone thinks "Not my problem, I'm all right Jack" (and thank fuck for that!) - sheesh! I would feel obliged to help in that situation...

Original poster
joanne34 · 21/02/2011 19:35

yes I have most certainly told him what not to do again ! He said he's never going out again.... yeh right !

OP posts:
mpops · 21/02/2011 21:43

I honestly don't understand what the big deal is. Your DH told you all about it, didn't he? Do you trust him generally? If you do, then you know he wouldn't do anything silly. It's actually really nice of him to help someone who's found themselves in a vulnerable situation, whether it's their fault or not. If you don't trust him, then that's another matter altogether that has nothing to do with this incident. After all, if he's going to have an affair/one-night stand/whatever, he would do it anyway. (And probably wouldn't tell you all about it!)

seeker · 21/02/2011 22:06

"
She's not his wife/relative therefore he had NO duty to bring her home."

I

seeker · 21/02/2011 22:09

"
She's not his wife/relative therefore he had NO duty to bring her home."

NICE!

I hope if your dd ever gets into a situation like this, all the decent men around don't take that line.

TheSecondComing · 21/02/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsinDeBetterPlace · 25/02/2011 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spidookly · 25/02/2011 12:48

I'm surprised so many people are suspicious of the supposed time discrepancies.

Time vanishes when you get involved in complicated getting home scenarios. Everything about his story rings entirely true to me.

The only jarring element is the thing about putting a stranger to bed. If I woke up the next morning and a well-meaning stranger had taken me home I would be very grateful, if they'd taken me to my bedroom I would be quite skeezed out.