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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would this be acceptable to you ?

165 replies

joanne34 · 19/02/2011 10:03

Would it be okay for your DP to escort a woman home in a cab because she was so drunk she couldnt walk and all her friends had buggered off ???

OP posts:
shimmerysilverglitter · 19/02/2011 10:29

I wouldn't mind, if I trusted him already, if I had reason to doubt him on previous I might be a bit Hmm.

If I heard the story about some girl being too drunk to stand from him, I would probably say "well didn't you make sure she was ok?!" and be be really quite angry if he hadn't.

Cheeruploveitmightneverhappen · 19/02/2011 10:32

textualhealing did you mean "couldn't" and "wouldn't"? as your post doesn't make sense.

Original poster
joanne34 · 19/02/2011 10:36

Yes, I think he was being the kind one.

I am upset. I trust him. I dont think he is the sort to not help someone.

It was £50 though, and we need the money.

I am upset as he promised to be back by 2am and he came in a 4.40am.... he took his bike in the cab, then cycled from there, its about 10 miles from our home. I think he carried her to her bedroom ......

Im tired. I cant sleep when he's not here and then I get worked up when he doesnt arrive when he says he will ( although I should know better, as time doesnt exist to dp)

I flipped out when he finally came in.

Now he is asleep in spare room, and I have been up with baby this morning after minimal sleep.

OP posts:
textualhealing · 19/02/2011 10:38

Cheeruploveitmightneverhappen - oopps - I do apologise. Typo! It should have read "couldn't"!

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 10:39

£50 Shock

I would be fucking livid.

I also think carrying her to bed is inappropriate.

RandyRussian · 19/02/2011 10:42

If you no reason not to trust him then there should be no problem.

Besides if she was too pissed ill to walk she wouldn't have been up for anything else anyway.

Original poster
joanne34 · 19/02/2011 10:43

Plus after speaking to him on the phone at 1am, when he said he was on his way.... then got the cab with her, he could of sent me a text to tell me.... ?

I woke up at 3.40am and he still wasnt back, so i started texting him and phoning but he didnt answer, although he could of been cycling.

He came in like a drowned rat and his phone battery had died.

I do trust him, but I have been in a marriage that wasnt so trustworthy, and when he doesnt answer I think the worst :(

OP posts:
Original poster
joanne34 · 19/02/2011 10:45

He got her phone number, to sort out the money.....Hmm thats not that drunk

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 19/02/2011 10:45

Unless you know your H is the type to 'take advantage' then it was an act of kindness. If you were bladdered and alone, wouldn't you appreciate a kind acquaintance making sure you got home safely?

Original poster
joanne34 · 19/02/2011 10:47

Yes he is kind.... too kind ! I feel like the family comes after....

maybe im just tired.

I am more angry about the time he got in.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 10:49

So it took him nearly 4 hours and 50 quid to drop her off then get home? Hmm

nope I wouldn't be impressed.

LittleMissHissyFit · 19/02/2011 10:50

Has he ever done anything to make you doubt him?

If not, then perhaps give him the benefit of the doubt. Getting her number is as simple as taking her phone and calling his own.

Try to calm down, try to listen and take a cool look at the evidence.

AmandaCooper · 19/02/2011 10:52

Another vote for what whatacharmer said.

randomimposter · 19/02/2011 10:52

"Would it be okay for your DP to escort a woman home in a cab because she was so drunk she couldnt walk and all her friends had buggered off ???"

IMO yes. I would trust DP totally, and actually would feel proud of him for helping someone out like this. Can understand why you were worried and pissed off about the money though.

textualhealing · 19/02/2011 10:54

I think I'd be tempted to take over the money re-imbursement myself. If it was all very innocent, your P/H wouldn't mind!

itsalarf · 19/02/2011 10:55

I would be happy for him to do the good deed, very happy. But I would want the money back. It's too expensive a night put otherwise

pearlym · 19/02/2011 10:55

Unless you have reaon to be suspicious I htink he shuold be commended - gos imagine if that was you? I once got so pissed at work do I do not recall anything much, this bloke form work who I did not know took me to a taxi rank and put me in a cab iwth money etc and instructions, waht a cringe, but thank god he helped me or I owuld have been wandering around pissed etc and vulnerable to anyting - it wsa years and years ago though

upahill · 19/02/2011 11:01

£50 quid for a taxi fare for one person!!! (that's how much she would have paid if your DH was there or not)

Blimey I'm glad I don't go out much.

Make sure you get your dosh back!

Original poster
joanne34 · 19/02/2011 11:02

hmm yes you are all right, although I still want to speak to him when he wakes later.

Thanks for you input :)

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 19/02/2011 11:07

I think he did the right thing, now she has to do the right thing and pay her fare.

But what the hell was her friend doing?

PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 11:09

I would be ok if my DH did this

I would be pissed off at the money though

So he has her number. OK hen, you call and arrange th reimbursement. That may be illuminating as to whether you have anyhing to worry about.

If all seems above board when you speak to her, no harm done (unless you have other reasons to not trust him)

My DH is a it of a "Good Samaritan" especially when he was younger and more naive. I love him for it ....but. On occasion though, it would happen that he would put someone/something else before me/or his family, so I do know how that feels. It would make me very angry when he got ripped off for his kindness. Thankfully, as he's got older, his twat radar has improved with some training from me

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 11:18

Extra half hour and a fiver = not too bad.

extra 4 hours and fifty quid = seriously not ok IMO

FakePlasticTrees · 19/02/2011 11:19

If DH found himself in a similar position, I'd expect him to exactly the same.

What would you prefer he did? Leave her with no way of getting home, too drunk to look after herself, because to help someone in need would be an inconvience? would you really want to be in a relationship with a man that selfish?

You are right be annoyed he didn't text you to say he'd be late, you are not right to be upset he's not a heartless bastard. Oh and if he was really up to no good, he'd have said it was a male friend who was too drunk to walk.

Original poster
joanne34 · 19/02/2011 11:19

Ha! Twat radar ! Grin

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 19/02/2011 11:22

oh, and he needs to have some serious words with her friends - that's shabby behaviour from them! Next time she might not be so lucky.