I think this thread was progressing perfectly well, despite the OP's mischievous disappearance. I think it's a good thing that there are threads where men and women can discuss their non-monogamist choices, without being vilified for them.
It turned when it became personal and SGB was asked directly about her sex life. She replied honestly, although she had no need to reply to a personal question at all....
That response didn't surprise me too much; that if someone makes it clear they are deceiving another, or it becomes obvious that this is the case, SGB would walk away. But like I said on my initial post on this thread, if someone actively doesn't want to be an extra-marital shag, then that person doesn't wait to be told and asks a few questions to make sure.
However, I can see that if you're not looking for a relationship with someone, or exclusivity - and it really is all about the sex, then it might matter less. That doesn't much surprise me.
I see the sexism angle rather differently to SGB. I think the gender politics surrounding infidelity are massive and that both men and women get hurt by the roles that society has constructed for them. I see women getting hurt by sexist men who would blanch at the prospect of their female partners having extra-relational sex and men being punished by women for not wanting as much sex as her, or for not being "manly" enough. And OW and OM who are only too happy to play into these socially constructed stereotypes.
If I were looking for a sex-only relationship, it would still matter to me enormously that some other woman wasn't being deceived by the person with whom I was having sex. I might bargain that if it wasn't me, it would be someone else, but that's for that "someone else" to decide. My view would be that there was not going to be any deceit on my time and I'm responsible for myself and myself alone.
For me, it's also a personal issue in that being a monogamous person, I refuse to be in a relationship that is non-exclusive, which
were I having an affair with an attached person, would be the case. I will not knowingly share my sexual partner, hence I've got no interest in sleeping with someone who is having other sex elsewhere. I would therefore ask a lot of questions before having sex with someone and make my position perfectly clear.
For a non-monogamous person, that personal barrier presumably doesn't exist and so then it only comes down to conscience and how one personally feels about being party to a deceit. Some posters on this thread don't feel that responsibility to strangers and some do; it's as simple as that really.
I actually have more respect for people who admit that it's not a big deal to them, than for the people who claim that it is - and then put their heads in the sand and hope that the proof doesn't emerge that a person was married all along. As long as they can pretend that they got into a relationship with a married person unwittingly then they can evade their own responsibility and play the duped victim role.
It always strikes me as odd too, that when this issue crops up, posters assume that other women are being blamed exclusively for men's infidelity and that men escape the blame completely. Yet I have never heard one betrayed partner say her H was not to blame. However "blame" isn't exclusive at all! It's perfectly possible to blame more than one person for a hurt suffered, just as it's perfectly possible to share blame. I will always challenge someone if they are blaming the OW/OM more than their faithless spouse, but I can never subscribe to the idea that an OW/OM is blameless.
What however does have me laughing out loud at your anti-monogamy rants SGB, is the way that you describe monogamous relationships. The view put forward about women being "owned" or their interests being sacrificed or subservient to their H's is not representative of my marriage or of many I know.
In fact, the majority of marriages within my friendship groups are the complete antithesis of this, with both partners having the freedom and the support to grow and learn. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone, but you seem to be the only poster on this fairly representative forum whose women friends are all in marriages like this, since I assume you are talking from observed experience SGB and not just prejudice. I find that amazing and incredible. No wonder you think monogamists are "mundane" if that is your experience, but your description of monogamous relationships is not one I recognise, thankfully.