For those who don't practice monogamy (solidgold? etc) How on earth do you not become jealous?

[poshsinglemum]

I am just curious as I am the most jealous insecure person ever and it's a horrid and unattractice trait. Is jealousy natural?

cabbage quit with the personal comments please

"I do not feel that establishing their marital status before sleeping with them is my responsibility."
What, exactly does that say about my moral code?

Peter - curious now, please pM me

I don't think you have to have been hurt to protect yourself though Stealth. I was 19 when a married man hit on me for the first time, while I was doing a holiday job while at university.

He didn't wear a ring and he was very attractive. I thought he was unmarried, but asked around anyway before the date - probably because I thought he was a bit of a "player". As soon as I found out he was married (and had a habit of hitting on the holiday students), I walked over to the table he was sitting on with his mates and told him loudly that I had far more self-respect than to date a married man. It was probably the first time I ever used the word "wanker" in anger...

BTW cabbages assumption of my youth has made my day - it's like getting ID-d in the supermarket. Makes me feel slightly less haggard.
Although they do tend to follow it up with "Oh I knew you were old enough love but we do have to ask everyone" while I'm saying "shhhh just lets continue the pretence I look 17 OK"

ahhh.... Cabbages you are being very rude to Stealth and she is not being naive...

what are you suggesting as a foolproof way to weed out the cheats ?

but some people choose to protect themselves, others don't bother. Neither is morally superior, surely, which is what we are arguoing about.

cabbages have you understood my argument yet about an implicit statement of availability?

All I can say is that I'm so glad to be owned and not have to worry about the dating game ! - SGB's rants about monogamy being the root of all evil are tiresome in the extreme but I've stopped responding, I cba anymore.
The one thing I will argue with her about till the cows come home though, is her insistence that monogamy is a fetish , NO it's not, it's what a person is, like being gay or straight, it's part of your personality and genetic make-up - a
non-monogamous person trying to make a choice to be monogamous will often come unstuck, a truly monogamous person doesn't ever have to try to be so, they just are.
The "ownership" thing in regards to jealousy that some people have talked about does make sense as a fetishistic thing, I absolutely feel that I own DH and that he owns me in that way, that is our fetish, monogamy is a completely different thing, it's integral, you can be "a bit" monogamous, you either are or you are not.

you can't

I'm surprised that so many people still haven't realised who peterandre is - it's so obvious

snow...I don't think there is a foolproof way

but I don't accept that as a reason to not even try, IMO

yup, my 6 pack is legendary

Completely agree Malificience.

PA. yes but where I seem to be struggling with others is what the check consists of.... and this context I am talking about casual sex not a non-monogmous relationship ....

I can't speak for others, snow, can only give you my opinion

I think it a reasonable one

LOL- Stealth it wasn't your posts that made me question your age- it was simply a quick shuffty at your profile. I assume it's true?

blabbing PA is a northern word. Stealth will understand- we come from the same parts.

ok.. I think it is disappointing that a discussion about non-monogamy cannot progress beyond 'other people's husbands'....

"I'm surprised that so many people still haven't realised who peterandre is - it's so obvious "
really> Think I have been misreading the signs, as far as I'm concerned she's a 90s pop star pin up and famous ex of Katie Price. Do you mean she isn't who she says she is?? Oh my naivity!

so was I or wasn't I naive??
and I think the at blabbing was because it was rude, not because the poster didn't understand the term.
Have you got to grips with my argument yet?

I undersand what "blabbing" means

it shows contempt for what someone is saying

like "yapping" and "nagging"

it is derogatory, certainly in the way you used it

I think it's very funny that on the one hand you have the monogamy preachers...alongside the general hysteria about married men who cheat.
I would say, if anyone bothered to look, that it proves without a shadow of a doubt that people are not naturally monogamous.

I should have added though Malificience...I do like hearing SGB's point of view though, just as I enjoy hearing your point of view - particularly as they are so opposite.

Neither can it be natural if some cultures don't bother with it. It's a bit like saying having milk in your coffee is natural. No it isn't. We tend to drink it that way in parts of our culture. And you either like it that way, or you don't.

oh, I love reading sgb's contributions

she really needs to realise though that her ranting monologues are not showing her in any better light than the one-track-minders she thinks she is describing

Exactly Gay40, I was sort of hoping we could have an interesting discussion about other things - such as what can non-monogomous women learn from queer culture for example - but perhaps I am the naive one...

Ahh PA - you were AF, yes?

Why do you ned to jump to the defence of someone else?

oh FFS
why does it matter?
You still haven't answered my question

CR...why do you feel the need to out someone's previous name on a thread ?

bad form

snow, you could steer it round

you know that threads like this always have a lot of twists and turns

mind you, what doesn't help is people outing others for no other reason than to attempt to gain some form of superiority

it doesn't work, btw