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Original poster

DP (Ha!) finally admitted affair...do I tell OWs DH?

150 replies

SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 15:59

OK,

After monts of him convincing me it was in my head, DP has finally admitted affair.

I spoke to OW's DH last night and told him what I knew, which left the situation such that it could have been interpretted as a one sided affair.

OW has successfully ocnvinced her DH that it is 100% one sided.

DP has admitted otherwise. I have his valentines card intended for her which proves otherwise. DP is begging me not to tell OW's DH, because he doesn't want 2 families destroyed.

WWYD. I can see that it is only going to bring pain to 3 more innocent parties, but why shoudl I suffer when the bitch gets away scot free.

WWYD?

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 12/02/2011 18:39

Why does he deserve it maltesers?

Has he done something that I've missed reading? The only thing that telling him will do is hurt him. So he will feel shit like the OP.

I've been in the OP's position, but it never occurred to me to contact the 4th party, and it would IME have been the wrong thing to do.

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 18:40

You might have me confused Foghorn, whilst I have posted about this it could have been over a year ago...and certainly wouldb't have been under this name.

You could just have a very good memory though :)

OP posts:
spidookly · 12/02/2011 18:46

All you have proof of is that your DP stalked his wife. He already knows that.

I think you should butt out.

FoghornLeghorn · 12/02/2011 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

kittya · 12/02/2011 18:51

I would chuck the champagne out for a start. How did you find it? Then I would go out and buy your own. Chosen by you. For you. And yes, I would drink it infront of the telly tonight. I wouldnt tell the husband but I wouldnt keep my thoughts a secret if he or, any of your mutual friends ask.

Im worried though that this is all coming from your husband's side and the OW may well be finding it creepy?

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 18:53

nope not me.

OP posts:
geordieminx · 12/02/2011 19:00

I'm with you Hecate

And I would def do the face book thing, although dh only has about 6 mates on there so it wouldn't have much of an impact.

I know bitterness isn't an attractive trait, but revenge is a wonderful thing, and at the moment I would be concentrating on doing whatever will make you feel better

Intact, I would change the envelope to a white one, and then send it to her husband.

What a pair of fucking tossers. I hope his knob drops off and his arsehole heals up.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 12/02/2011 19:12

I wish posters would stop putting the responsibility for wrecking the OW's marriage onto the OP. The OW seems to have done that all by herself.

Wait to see whether the H contacts you. I don't think you can do any more than that and if he doesn't, I wouldn't pursue it. I can also see that as he's a friend of yours too, your motives will be all mixed in together.

Did you used to have Derek in your username, out of interest?

spidookly · 12/02/2011 19:12

No, no, no!

Don't take it out on the innocent, delicious champagne!

kittya shame on you Angry

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 19:13

Nope no Derek.

I honestly can't remember what name I have posted this under efore.

I used to be a regular AGGGEESSS ago. Then I drifted away under a few different names. Now I am back to SMS.

OP posts:
Pan · 12/02/2011 19:20

you really should have said you had already tried to organise to meet OWdh.

So essentially, whether he finds out about an affair his wife may be involved in ( and so determine much of his and his children's future life chances) depends a lot on whether he answers your text requesting to meet.

The more you type the less well you are coming out of this, IMHO.

hormonesnomore · 12/02/2011 19:21

No, Hecate, you're not the only one - I was in a similar situation - found out about an 'affair', husband claimed it wasn't sexual, blah, blah. (He admitted 'heavy petting' Hmm)

I phoned the OW's husband and told him. Why should he not know? Why should I be the only one to suffer? I have no idea what happened to their marriage and I don't give a rat's arse.

You're well rid of him OP - I'm raising my glass to you Wine

Pan · 12/02/2011 19:23

well that's pretty damned selfish attitude to entertain, hormone. But each to her own.

noddyholder · 12/02/2011 19:28

Why would you want her dh to feel crap?He is probably already playing out every scenario in his head.Their marriage is not your concern.If she has duped him and got away with it she will do it again.He needs to deal with her not you!

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 19:28

I really think that people should stay out of other's marriages for their own sake, tbh

If you stick your oar in, I would imagine you are going to come out of it looking like a bitter, twisted saddo

and aren't things bad enough ?

keep your dignty and rise above it

RunAwayWife · 12/02/2011 19:33

What would I do, well I would show her DH (poor man) every piece of evidence I could get my hands on, give him chapter and verse and destroy the bitch, then I wound get a good lawyer and take your husband to the cleaners, but then I am a bitch

ImFab · 12/02/2011 19:39

I agree with AF.

hormonesnomore · 12/02/2011 19:54

Have you been in a similar situation Pan?

Self-preservation rather than selfish in my opinion & experience.

And talking about dignity is all very well when viewing the situation from the outside.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 19:58

but when you look back on a time in your life, you will wish you had stepped back a bit and viewed it with a dispassionate eye

I get it, hormones, honestly

I can be punitive in my attitude, but I am working on it

I don't expect people to always take my advice, but I give it anyway

I believe it is sound, with an eye for the long run

keeping your dignity is better for the soul, in the long run, IMO

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 19:59

I have made mistakes myself, but if I have any regrets at all, it is always that I should have walked away, head held high

shabby7 · 12/02/2011 20:00

I agree with AF. Stay out of the OW's marriage and rise above it and do what you need to do to get over your tosser Ex DP.

hormonesnomore · 12/02/2011 20:05

AF, I don't feel I lost my dignity - wouldn't be the answer for everyone I agree, it depends on individual circumstances.

I wasn't the adulterous one so my conscience doesn't bother me one bit.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 20:06

fair enough, HNM, like you said, not the answer for everyone

shabby7 · 12/02/2011 20:08

Hormomes, how was it self preservation telling the OW husband? I don't get that

AuntieMaggie · 12/02/2011 20:12

If as you say the OWDH is your friend then I would tell him and leave him to deal with it however he wants to.

After all if you knew she'd cheated with someone else other than your partner wouldn't you tell him?

And how charming that your ExP cheated on you with a friends wife!

I'm sorry that you are going through this but you are so much better off without him and although it won't be easy there will be a time in the near future when you'll be glad you ended it.

Good luck x