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Original poster

DP (Ha!) finally admitted affair...do I tell OWs DH?

150 replies

SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 15:59

OK,

After monts of him convincing me it was in my head, DP has finally admitted affair.

I spoke to OW's DH last night and told him what I knew, which left the situation such that it could have been interpretted as a one sided affair.

OW has successfully ocnvinced her DH that it is 100% one sided.

DP has admitted otherwise. I have his valentines card intended for her which proves otherwise. DP is begging me not to tell OW's DH, because he doesn't want 2 families destroyed.

WWYD. I can see that it is only going to bring pain to 3 more innocent parties, but why shoudl I suffer when the bitch gets away scot free.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 16:29

It was more than one kiss. It was a regular thing. And it was over mid morening coffee so both completely in control of actions.

OP posts:
Doha · 12/02/2011 16:31

Perhaps by not telling the OW's DH your ex-DP feels that their affair can continue....

expatinscotland · 12/02/2011 16:32

I'd tell him all I knew because I'd want to know if I were him.

WelliBob · 12/02/2011 16:32

Ok, but there must have been something that stopped it going further? Why didn't they have sex? If he wanted to and she said no then there must be a reason for that.

I'm not defending her. I'm just saying that perhaps if she hasn't actually had sex with someone else her marriage may recover.

In fact, do you know she hasn't admitted to kissing your DH? Maybe she admitted a kiss and her DH has taken the view that their marriage can recover from kissing/EA because she didn't take that extra step.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 16:32

I am sorry too

My post was worded badly, but honestly wasn't meant in any judgement of you

like I said, it just consolidated my stance

and my fuck was a fuck, what a tosser (him) and what right does he have to try and control your reaction

again, I am sorry I wasn't clearer

my bluntness gets me into trouble sometimes, that was one of them Blush

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 16:34

AF - Appology accepted.

Weelli - Apparently it didn't go any further because she wouldn't. She would kiss him, actively , on a regular basis though Hmm.

OP posts:
thumbdabwitch · 12/02/2011 16:35

SlightlyMad - I would say that you have already done enough. There is no point now in pursuing it with the OW's DH, because he has to make a choice - he has been given some of the info, enough to know there was a problem - he can decide whether or not he needs to know more or whether, like you have done a couple of times, he can choose to gloss over it for the sake of his family.

Granted, he's not playing with a full hand of cards - but if she's already denying it to him and you have no proof other than what your exP has said, one or both of you could be made out to be crazed loons who have a vendetta against her for whatever reason.

You really don't need to do anything else apart from drink the champagne - their marriage is not your concern.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 16:35

thanks Smile

Pheebe · 12/02/2011 16:35

How do you know OW isn't telling the truth as the only evidence you have seems to be from you H???? Just putting it out there

(Doesn't excuse your H in any way, he clearly isn't worthy of you)

WelliBob · 12/02/2011 16:35

Anyfucker, sometimes you know your best friend is being an idiot and you want to scream, 'just leave the bastard' but you cuddle her instead because the 'leave the bastard' speech can wait until she's less fragile. Smile

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 16:38

OTOH....if I come on here in couple of days with a thread titled "shall I take him back" then feel free to chastise me and point fingers...until I listen, please Wink

That is not going to happen BTW.

OP posts:
WelliBob · 12/02/2011 16:38

Anyfucker, sorry my last post crossed with yours. Smile

OP, She sounds confused or just a silly woman. I think you need to think about yourself. Whatever the outcome of their marriage, it won't make your break-up any easier.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 12/02/2011 16:38

Can you bear to tell us what the Valentine's card said, if that is your only independent source of proof? Is there really nothing else? No E mails, no texts?

squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 16:39

Maybe her husband is the type to knock ten bells out of people.. in which case your husband may have good reason for you not telling the bloke..

Or just maybe, it is all fantasy in his head, and this woman has done nothing wrong... it could have been an innocent birthday kiss.

That doesnt excuse your husbands behaviour, but tempting as it may be, is there really any point in dragging her husband into it and causing him pain.

Have you spoken to the other woman at all?

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 16:43

Oh yes OWs DH wis most definately the type to knock ten balls out of people.

The card is literally covered in poems, sentiments, desires to ctouch her blah blah blah...it looks like a leaving card that has been signed by the whole department.

The most important evidential statment is ""Over the months since our first kiss...."

OP posts:
Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 16:43

Haven't spoken to other woman.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 16:45

wellibob, I thank you for your advice anyway Smile Wink

scentednappyhag · 12/02/2011 16:45

I'd consider whether you'd want to be told if you were in his position, and there's your answer. As for the champagne, drink it and have a nice loud Gloria Gaynor singalong. Sorry you're going through this, your 'D'P is a true muppet.

squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 16:45

Well I think you are jumping the gun a bit by going to the husband when you havent had it out with this woman!

It may have been a one off kiss in a moment of madness on her part, and months of stalking by your husband.

And I am sure much as you despise him at the moment, you would like to see him put into hospital by some bloke...

WelliBob · 12/02/2011 16:46

But all that is is proof that your DH has a thing for her. It could all be in his head. I'm not saying it definitely is but he could be a fantasist.

Is there nothing from her? No emails or texts? Maybe he doesn't want it mentioned becuase it is all in his head. Maybe he had no intention of actually sending it but he liked the acting it out bit IYSWIM.

Just be careful to be sure of the facts is all I'm saying.

squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 16:46

oooooops... wouldnt... wouldnt...... lol

onehotmomma · 12/02/2011 16:46

I'm glad you have ended it with him op :) if he has done it 3 times already (tbh it wouldn't surprise me if the numbers were much higher then that) then I doubt he will ever stop cheating and you deserve better then that

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 16:50

He has told me they kissed (he doesn't know I have seen inside of card). And on more than one occassion. I have no doubt about that.

I have phone bills with evidence of 150 texts per month, but not the content.

The card refers to her texts turning him on.

I would want to know....but I am a woman...he is a man and that perhaps makes a difference.

Right I am off to clean my carpet whilst I have an empty house...keep myself busy.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 16:52

You have only got HIS word for this though.. and not seen any actual evidence other than the part he has played in it.

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 16:56

As far as I am concerned the evidence is not to be disputed. I recognise what you are saying, but I have been watching them over the last 18m and I have no doubt that they were both party to what happened, even though DP may have done all of the initial chasing.

OP posts: