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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP (Ha!) finally admitted affair...do I tell OWs DH?

150 replies

SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 15:59

OK,

After monts of him convincing me it was in my head, DP has finally admitted affair.

I spoke to OW's DH last night and told him what I knew, which left the situation such that it could have been interpretted as a one sided affair.

OW has successfully ocnvinced her DH that it is 100% one sided.

DP has admitted otherwise. I have his valentines card intended for her which proves otherwise. DP is begging me not to tell OW's DH, because he doesn't want 2 families destroyed.

WWYD. I can see that it is only going to bring pain to 3 more innocent parties, but why shoudl I suffer when the bitch gets away scot free.

WWYD?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 12/02/2011 17:33

I would tell the fucking world.

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 17:35

FB message then Norma?

OP posts:
noddyholder · 12/02/2011 17:36

There is no point making things worse.They may be able to get over this one indiscretion if they are left to it

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 17:37

Oooo Oooo I have an idea... I am the administrator on his business website.....I could post photo's of Valentines card there Grin

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 17:39

You would just end up making yourself look a bit of nutter though...

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 17:41

Spoilsport Wink

Now I really am going to shampoo my carpet.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 12/02/2011 17:41

At the moment I hang it all on hangers and put rail at the top of teh stairs and it dries in a day,maybe stick to that.Can't wait for summer!!!!!!!!Drying outside is so great

noddyholder · 12/02/2011 17:42

wrong thred sorry!

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 17:44

Nah, you're just rying to help me by changing hte subject aren't you Wink

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 17:46

I thought you meant you hung your carpet up then Grin

I now have visions of your carpet laid out on the lawn to dry too...

noddyholder · 12/02/2011 17:47

Grin how exciting I am with my tales from the laundry room

SlightlyJaded · 12/02/2011 17:48

SMS. I think you are (understandably) in s state of - not shock exactly - but slightly detached from reality as happens to us all when something really life changing happens.

You are probably looking to 'do' something like tell the OW's DH because the alternative is to do nothing and quietly accept what has happened.

I don't think you should do anything today or tomorrow as you may do something hasty that you regret. You may decide in a few days that you definitely want to confront OW or her DH and you should then do that. But for now, I would exist the urge to bite back as it's so soon and it's easy to knee-jerk. In a few days you will have had time to consider your options and make a rational choice about how you want to deal with OW - or not.

I am sorry you are going for this but he wounds like a serial shagger and you sound strong and determined. Good for you.

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 17:51

OK

Here is the decision. I sent a text earlier (ages before this thread)....asking to meet OWDH (he said he would be thereif I needed to talk). No reply yet. If he replies and wants to know what I have to say I will problby tell him.

If he doesn't reply he is obviously still in denial and avoiding me.

edcsiosn made :)

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 12/02/2011 18:02

Who are you doing this for?

squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 18:03

How did you get this other blokes mobile number??????

Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 18:06

Other bloke is a friend of mine (and DP's).

OP posts:
Original poster
SlightlyMadSpook · 12/02/2011 18:07

Doing it for him.....(I think)

OP posts:
ImFab · 12/02/2011 18:08

Whether the other woman's husband knows about this affair has absolutely no bearing on your life unless you fancy him and want him free to be with you. Think about your real reasons for telling him. Then think about it some more. Then sleep on it. You need a really good reason and proof really imo.

SoupDragon · 12/02/2011 18:10

Are you sure... "but why should I suffer when the bitch gets away scot free."

The chances are that he does not fully believe her anyway but is choosing to go with it to save their marriage anyway. And you don't have concrete proof either. If you havd seen then shagging for example, it would be a different matter.

matthew2002smum · 12/02/2011 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImFab · 12/02/2011 18:17

Maybe her husband wants to believe nothing much happened so he can keep face.

noddyholder · 12/02/2011 18:19

I don't think you are doing it for him. If you really want to be kind to him keep yourself out of their marriage.She is not being let off or whatever you think this will always be with her no matter how much she tries to convince everyone it was nothing.That guilt is enough punishment

Phonics · 12/02/2011 18:20

I had a similar issue as you a SMS, and I wanted so much to tell the OW DH - to even up the score, to equalise the pain and to feel that somehow she had paid some price .

But I didn't.
I warned her I had her DH's phone number and hoped that would be enough. I will never know if it was.

Years on I carry a small bit of regret for not acting on impulse and being too nice about everything.
BUT I don't have the potential wrecking of her marriage and children's family on my hands.

Walk away - you are so much better than those around you

FoghornLeghorn · 12/02/2011 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

maltesers · 12/02/2011 18:31

Yes i reckon her DH deserves to know all about his wifes goings on.

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