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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice please - confrontation looming with my parents

487 replies

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 07/02/2011 20:20

In summary. They favour my brother's elder daughter have done for years.

But it was her birthday recently. My kids get £10 in an envelope, DD2 got a home made dolls house.

Neice got an Ipod Touch from them.

I am going to have to speak to them - my two are gutted. (DN has been crowing by email to DD1)

Help me frame the conversation so it doesn't descend into a shouting match?

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 12/02/2011 20:19

Ah, they'll love each other! What's not to love...except the skid mark game!! Grin

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 20:21

Tee - it's called something dumps I can't remember you have to make a long skid mark on toilet paper and jump over the perforations

Sounds so charming, huh?

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 12/02/2011 20:23

Such a girly game, Frogs!

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 20:36

yeah that's what I said Tee

So much for pink frilly girly girls. Not in this house

LMAO

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 12/02/2011 20:38

they sound like my kind of girls Grin

taintedpaint · 12/02/2011 20:41

I've just read the whole thread, and couldn't hit and run.

What a shitty family you have. :(

But lovely DDs and hopefully a lovely man. These are the people who you need to focus on. :)

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this, but hopefully your day with the DDs and tomorrow with DP will be a welcome distraction.

Have a Brew or Wine from me, you've earned it. :)

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 20:52

I'm on Brew I want to keep a clear head.

There is going to be so much shit tomorrow if I don't turn up to the birthday dinner isn't there.

Fuck.

OP posts:
taintedpaint · 12/02/2011 21:01

I don't know....they have told you to stay away, surely you are simply complying with their wishes....?

Whichever way you look at it though, there will be issues whether you attend for the dinner or not, and I honestly think you'd have a better day if you didn't go.

Your family have behaved abhorrently, the only way to avoid more upset for yourself given what has happened recently, is to remove yourself from the situation. If there is to be a resolution to this (and by that, I mean a resolution for the better), it won't happen while emotions are running as high as they are at the present time.

In a million years, I would not go to the dinner.

You sound really lovely, you don't deserve what they are doing to you and your girls.

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:03

I have a terrible feeling I'll get a phone call in the morning dictating what time I'm to arrive.

Best be out then. And "forget" my mobile.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 12/02/2011 21:05

And all you have to say is 'Sorry, I've made plans. I took mum at her word when she told me to leave and not come back. So see ya!'

I know, easier said than done!

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:09

Yeah. It's just not going to be easy. And I'd still like to see DB2 and GF but seems like that's not going to happen.

I'm shattered I feel like I've hit a brick wall.

Going to go to bed shortly I think.

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 12/02/2011 21:11

can you contact them separately? Sounds like they have a lot of shared sympathy with all of this.

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:11

Not while they are staying at mum and dad's Sad

And they have no transport (since the car they were supposed to borrow is here)

OP posts:
missmehalia · 12/02/2011 21:13

What tainted said.

Honestly, Frogs, it really ISN'T you. You're lovely. They're being horrid to you. They told you to stay away. You're obeying. Thanks to modern technology, you can contact the ones you like and say you're sorry you couldn't see them at that occasion, and would they like to meet up separately some time? Your call, of course.

Get the clean sheets on the bed, BF calls.. Grin

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:14

Tainted - I'm streaks ahead of you. Job done already. Grin

I have a feeling he'll take us away for a couple of days though.

Which actually would be fantastic.

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 12/02/2011 21:15

I would love to be a fly on the wall there..!

Can't imagine that its all been calm and dandy.

Do try to enjoy tomorrow as best you can. As others have pointed out, its going to be difficult no matter what so just enjoy dp and your dds.

Good luck! Smile

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:17

I am loving the fact that you lot have decided that he's a DP not a BF.

I like that.

Henceforth, he is DP not BF

(what's the difference anyway?? since I have no intention of living with him - well not yet lol)

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 12/02/2011 21:19

we just like him better than we like your family Wink

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:20

You missed the "which wouldn't be hard" off the end of your post migrating

Grin
OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 12/02/2011 21:22
Grin
Tee2072 · 12/02/2011 21:24

Darn, I was going to say that Frogs!

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:25

Too slow Tee too slow. I'm just faster because I am so much younger than you Grin

(Disclaimer for those who don't know us, I'm 6 whole months younger than Tee)

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 12/02/2011 21:27

Yes, that 6 months sooo counts! Grin

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 12/02/2011 21:28

Especially at this time of year when I am a whole year younger than you lol

OP posts:
KangarooCaught · 12/02/2011 21:30

"Nobody speaks to me like that. Nobody" & disconnect. It's about time you got angry, not scared. They ought to get wary about offending you and cautious about what they say. However, they sound so toxic that I'm not sure they will ever be able to see beyond the role you've been assigned in the family. Do you want to cut them out of your lives?