Advice please - confrontation looming with my parents

[imustbemadasaboxoffrogs]

In summary. They favour my brother's elder daughter have done for years.

But it was her birthday recently. My kids get £10 in an envelope, DD2 got a home made dolls house.

Neice got an Ipod Touch from them.

I am going to have to speak to them - my two are gutted. (DN has been crowing by email to DD1)

Help me frame the conversation so it doesn't descend into a shouting match?

Blimey!!!!

Just read the thread

AMD I knew it. I just knew it was the same bloke, there was no way you could have met 2 super dooper rich blokes in the space of time you did

(you parents are twats and you should cut ties)/

Sorry baroque

I suppose I should get off my arse and go shave my legs

nah - not gonna kick you

Just feeling a little smug that I figured out it was the same guy a few weeks back

See you and your spreadsheets Baroque can't get anything past you

Well phone just rang. i answered. was mother. She said hello. And hung up.

I don't have a spreadsheet

(I do have a word document that has MN and FB names linked together so I remember who is who - but it has no "extra" details on it) - honest guv

oh dear so very very toxic. Enjoy time with your man please, they sound positively hideous and draining to the soul!

She phoned back..I have to be prepared to take the blame. all she wants is me there for her birthday tea.

yelling and screaming at me down the phone

i told her no. i was not taking any blame for what happened

she put the phone down.

fuck

that's it the shit has hit.

SHE sounds mad as a box of frogs, jesus!

Don't answer anymore, the only person it is affecting is YOU and ultimately your girls. They will carry on being the way they are regardless of your opinion about it/them.

Stay strong. You knew this was coming.

They are only words. If she is abusive on the phone you can hang up you don't have to listen to it.

As you can see she is really bothered about you.

Go shave your legs.

she said my dad had made her ring that he'd lost it with brother and told them it was unacceptable.

but then she still puts it out there that i have to take some of the blame.

she can fuck right off

"All i want is you and the girls there for my birthday tea"

I said no one told me a time

she said she did, but I know for sure certain she didn't

well you should've known the boys would be watching the rugby. it willbe in the gap between the two matches 5-5.30

i said no i don't think that's a good idea

and she lost it

you have to take your share of the blame you are so angry

i said no mum no one speaks to me like that not ever not anymore and if you think i'm setting myself up for it again you have another think coming

she said your dad won't let that happen it was awful in here the other night your dad lost it with DB and told him it had to stop

but i still think you have to take some of the blame

i said no way mum

she said well that's your opinion will you not just come for tea

i said no it's not a good idea

she put the phone down.

i'm shaking apologies for the typing

just read it all. You are doing the right thing cutting them off. Your mum sounds very toxic and you need to keep her out of your life.

But....I am very confused about your DP - we were speaking on chat last week and you were telling me that this was a different man than the rich one with the car last year - even told me the difference in different jobs they had etc and how you met and then that you split at Xmas for a while?? I thought you only met a few months ago and this was the scarey thing about him buying somewhere near you? I can't work any of it out

Well done.

Just keep repeating that.

You did really well not to back down Frogs.

Well done with your mum on the phone. Don't back down.

I would indeed take a break this week, if you can, from uni. Spend time with DP and your girls.

i'm actually shaking and nearly crying

fucking pathetic

thing is, i remember at lunch there was a discussion about going out to lunch and DB vetoed it on the grounds that he wanted to watch the rugby so it was decided lunch would be at mum and dad's - lunch, not tea.

If they had bothered to ask, I would've told them that I couldn't do tea, it didn't work for me timewise - even leaving DP out for a couple of reasons it wouldn't work for me (we're looking after XH animals this weekend in return for the loan of the extra car so they have to be done, plus he's getting the girls around 7.30)

well done keep it up. you are strong madas. ignore anymore phone calls. good luck :)

You're not pathetic.

Well done for not backing down. I've been lurking on this thread (I remember you, by the way, and I'm glad you haven't split from DP after all) and just want to reassure you about your DBro.

I have had to step away from my toxic mother and I have realised that she made herself into the connection between me and my siblings. It was another way of exerting control, and often very dishonest in the "your brother says blah blah" etc.

At first it felt odd to contact siblings directly, it had always been "Your brother's coming on Sunday so pop in to see him.", but now it is natural - and he even offers to baby-sit, something DM has never done. Harder with my sisters because they don't want to 'upset' mother, but we're getting there.

Good luck and stay strong.

fantastic!! And hats off to your dad too! Sounds like his backbone is beginning to grow.

Stay strong and consistent!

Foundwanting - my mother does that too.

Hates if me and DB2 contact each other directly.

I feel crap though.

I'm not surprised you feel crap, this is a momentus thing you are doing...but you and your daughters will be better of for standing up to the old bag

Remember, in the words of MN, this too shall pass.

When I first reached the point where I just couldn't deal with mum's toxicity anymore I was actually sick at the thought of a confrontation. DH was my rock and made me stick to my guns though and 5 months on it just gets easier and easier to just say 'No'.