Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

[h20]

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

How is no you are in a relationship not no exactly?

Ignore ignore ignore Ingrid.

It appears that we have a large number of very interesting posters on this thread.

I am not for a moment saying it was your fault he did it Ingrid. I just dont understand why you felt you couldnt do anything at all to stop him or tell him no.

Radegunde, the op does not need counselling. And yes, god help the genuine rape victims who try to go to court, with some of the hysterical people on here who cant see a bloody mistake for what it is, and are trying to brainwash the OP into feeling worse than she already does.

This is like one of the relationship threads where someone says my partner left a teabag in the sink and ends up being told to divorce the disrespectful piss-taking, emotionally abusive fucker.

She feels crap because she is embarrassed. Most of us, not all, but most human beings, male and female, have at one time or another in our lives had what might be termed ambivalent intercourse. It is not the same as rape.

But, this man didn't force the OP. She never mentions force

Agreed Shirley. I think we can all agree that the man in question is disgusting.

'Fucked up rape apologists'? Jesus. Just jump to a few more offensive, ill-informed conclusions, why don't you!

Shirl, I intend to go and pump up my bicycle tyres imminently. It will be more fun.

Many, many thanks for your support and that of others.

I really do wonder where these opinions come rom...why some people are so threatened by the thought of the man being blamed for his outrageous behaviour.

It's all bonkers.

xx

And actually, I now think the op is just too perfectly pitched at eliciting the "debate" that it has to be entirely credible.

Well, not everyone agrees that he is disgusting chickens.

But she said no and he had sex regardless how is that not force?

Bubble who the hell are you to state op does not need counsilling?,it was suggested you say we are the ones projecting we have not dictated what the op needs.

But where in the OP does she push him off and say NO
She doesn't

She doesn't state that she pushed him off, she STATES that she said "no your in a relationship etc"

OMG so you have to push someone off before you given a adequate fight for it to be rape

OMG are som people soooooooooooo delirious.

Right if some of you women want it that way

A man looking at a women un easy would be classed as rape by some of your standards

For fucks sake she admitted she fancied him and INVITED him back to hers first, he saidn NO MY PARTNER WOULDNT HAPPY - then he PULLED UP INFRONT OF HER ASKING FOR A COFFEE

I don't even care if it's credible or not.

I don't care at all.

This has been eye opening and some of the stupidity displayed is astounding.

Absolutely stunned.

No wonder rape isn't taken seriously enough by the police and in courts. If you went to court with a story like that you'd be the one prosecuted and rightly so.

He made it obvious that he likes her. She invites him back for coffee (stupid thing to do when you are on your own and hardly know the man), he comes onto her, she doesn't say no, she doesn't push him away.

Yes he crossed a boundary, but probably thought she was up for it as she invited him round to her house KNOWING already he had a partner. He probably thought she wanted no-strings sex too.

Did you kiss him back OP?

I'm sure he took advantage but calling it rape is making a major leap. I'm just wondering what the OP thought would happen over coffee at her house with a man who had already made his feelings perfectly clear?

Oh, I thought everyone had

Let us all calm down.

See what the op has done?

Rage and dissent.

Some of us have had terrible experiences. Some of us have had slightly less terrible. Let us not shout at each other.

IF the op ever returns, perhaps she can clarify the points raised.

Meanwhile, we are all women and we must all love each other.

Title of the thread says'

SEX MISTAKE - Oh the shame(

I just love posters who, when someone disagrees with them, have to resort to calling the other person stupid.

I think the majority of posters on this thread have agreed that this man is disgusting.

I hope all of you who think you know what you would do (which seems to involve shouting at the top of voice or pushing a physically stronger person away/off) in any given situation will think again.

I think in some instances a woman can feel intimidated and totally shocked by situations like that and so to suggest a once size fits all approach to how people should respond is really naive tbh.

I think that people who are hell bent on assault/rape do know what they are doing and know that in some situations the woman will feel intimidated and freeze. This may be the best strategy to not anger the person. Don't think it has anything to do with the 'victim's self esteem' - at that point survival is probably the only thing on the victim's mind - not saying that this is the case here.

In this situation a really decent bloke would have backed off once op said no.

As for the partner - not really the op's problem - I would hedge my bets he's a serial offender.

Brainwashing? Seriously?

Okay

Not feeling the love here

I don't not love anyone, Hully