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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have just discovered that i am pregnant but, don't want to be with my partner no more!

303 replies

sweetchecks · 26/01/2011 18:15

Done a pregnancy test today ad it came back positive.

My boyfriend is wanker and i don't want to be with him no more :/

i don't know what to do shall i tell him am pregnant?

OP posts:
Appletrees · 27/01/2011 00:16

Sweet is sticking her fingers in her ears and saying la la la.

Please prove that your sentimentality has grounding in pragmatism and put your children first. And be more careful in the future.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 27/01/2011 00:16

so you sacrificed you child for the benefit of the world then? and not because it just wasn't right for you?

Appletrees · 27/01/2011 00:17

Actually my children will also be making sacrifices for the same "what's the problem" cause. How heartening is that.

missalien · 27/01/2011 00:19

How fucking Patronising . Sweetcheeks hide this thread now.

Original poster
sweetchecks · 27/01/2011 00:19

Thank you girls :) my B/f works with ships and that don't know exactly what it is :D

portaloo i am on band 2 :) but i know my family won't mind me staying there a few months as that's what family do:) they aree there for you. Or in some peoples eyes that's relying on them, they look at it different and so do i :P xx

OP posts:
Appletrees · 27/01/2011 00:19

Loveit you are bang out of order talking to perfumed like that.

Everyone has their sorrows. Perfumed has been through a lot and is extremely sincere. How could you.

perfumedlife · 27/01/2011 00:19

Get real. I didn't sacrifice a child, i terminated a pregnancy. For the reasons stated, I wasn't prepared to go on the dole to look after it, i wanted to work.

That is indirectly good for the country, but primarily it was for my self worth, esteem and health.

Self esteem. It's good to have it, and self worth.

Appletrees · 27/01/2011 00:20

"Or in some peoples eyes that's relying on them, they look at it different and so do i :P xx"

Never mind. You can rely on us instead.

portaloo · 27/01/2011 00:21

sweetchecks I hope you post on lone parents thread for more support as and when you need it.

Wishing you lots of luck.

Goodnight.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 27/01/2011 00:21

talking to her like what appletrees?

i am very real perfumed. IMO a pregnancy means a baby.

perfumedlife · 27/01/2011 00:23

Good for you iloveit, in my opinion a pregnancy means responsibility, facing reality, financial accumen, stable relationships, preferably marriage and a work ethic to provide for it.

We're really different, aren't we? What a pleasant learning curve.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 27/01/2011 00:24

marriage Hmm

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 27/01/2011 00:25

god some of you really do look down from a great height.

perfumedlife · 27/01/2011 00:26

And in my dh's exwife's eyes, a pregnancy means a house, and more money. She has five to four different dads, the fifth was conceived the month she lost custody of three of those kids. She openly told my mil she needed to have it as the benefits left with the kids.

Even though we still send her one thousand pounds a month. God, am in the wrong job.

missalien · 27/01/2011 00:32

Too much projection going on me thinks.

Original poster
sweetchecks · 27/01/2011 00:33

I am not putting nothing before my child/ren my baby don't go with out nothing and that with out her working father giving me money towards her. I have managed two years of bringing my child up by myself.

And no my current b/f is not not my babys dad, me and him split up when i first found out i was pregnant as he hit me.

Oh and i was working up until about 3 months of having my baby, then i left while i had my baby and went to college so i can get a better carrier behind me.

And believe after this baby is born i will be getting the implant, 3 years protection from not getting pregnant again, i had it in after i had my little girl but had to have it taking out after 6 months as i fell ill and i would rather not talk about that sorry so if you ask i won't answer.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 27/01/2011 00:35

Well I'm sorry to hear you were ill sweetchecks. I wish you all the very best of luck. I hope you get on well at college and with the baby, if you are going ahead with the pregnany. I hear two are a lot of work.

Original poster
sweetchecks · 27/01/2011 00:39

My little girl is alot of work by herself lol, but you just got to get on with it, i am sorry to hear about your problems aswell.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 27/01/2011 10:00

I feel there is a terrible disconnect with the OP. If I were in her situation I would be beside myself with worry and fear. Instead we get lots of LOLs and a blithe certainty this is a perfectly decent way to run your life. A touch of the Micawbers methinks.

You want advice on what to tell the father? Don't be silly. Just tell him. Then get on with it. Seems like the emotional consequences will wash over your head anyway.

Lucky you for having parents to support you. Lucky you for being so certain of obtaining a decent home whenever you click your fingers. Lucky you for being sure you can take time out of college and return with two tinies to care for. Lucky you for being so sure there will be a job out there for you at the end of it, that will pay you enough to raise these children adequately.

Perhaps you can only have such ragingly unreasonable confidence because you are so young.

FellatioNelson · 27/01/2011 10:40

Of course if she was low priority for housing the first time, because her parents were willing and capable of making space for a baby, a second child gives them the perfect excuse to shout 'over-crowding' and hey presto, the responsibility shifts to the local housing authority. What a fabulous stroke of luck. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that. Hmm

Does your daughter's father pay you maintenance and if so, how much? What college course are you doing sweetchecks? What qualifications will you have when you finish? Do you get free childcare for your daughter while you are at college now? So that cost (to the state) will presumably double with a second child. Do you have even the foggiest idea what kind of money that childcare costs for women who plan their children, and then need to return to work in order that they can meet their own housing and living costs?

I don't know why I'm wasting my breath on here really.

FellatioNelson · 27/01/2011 10:48

In fact, given the brevity and the truly breathtaking crassness and ignorance shown in the very first post, I'll just stop with the lecturing as it's obviously in one ear and out the other. I really should learn to stay away from these threads, or eventually I'll spontaneously combust with frustration.

Original poster
sweetchecks · 27/01/2011 11:00

Yeah i don't know why use botherd commenting to be honest if use are not going to give advice a just go on like most of use on here.

OP posts:
bestmamaderwelt · 27/01/2011 12:15

Having done this once before there is no way i would do it again. Do you not believe in abortion?

Lovecat · 27/01/2011 12:18

Whatever "well-paid enough to cover 2x childcare and support yourself in your own place without help from parents/the state/the children's fathers" job you get, sweetchecks (and do let me know what it is, I'd love one like that myself!), I do hope it isn't one that uses written English. You may be dyslexic, but that's got little or nothing to do with the way you phrase your sentences, which quite frankly make you sound as thick as pigshit and half as pleasant.

FN, I'm with you in the combusting corner...

welshbyrd · 27/01/2011 12:23

Jeez, what a long thread, I feel for you sweetchecks really I do

Madamedefarge -has hit the nail on the head here, im getting " I will cope, Shit happens," sort of attitude. Really think you need to open your eyes to how difficult this situation is. Your lack of realisation of what is going on in your life at the mo stuns me

I think telling your partner is the least of your worries, quite easily done, "Im pregnant"is pretty easy thing to say

Im not judging your age either, I was 17 when I had my DD13yo.
Have had termination myself, some years ago. Regrets? no. Im not suggesting you terminate either.

Just wanted to say, I hope your dismissal of even thinking of a termination, is because thats the right choice for you,not because you think carrying on with pregnancy will make your partner stick around, because he did not hang around with the other girl who is pregnant by him

I think sensibly, whether it be tomorrow, 3 months or a year, this partner is going to leave you again, so really you need to ask yourself, would you cope? [im not suggesting your a crap mum etc, I have 3DCs, older 2 were fab, youngest 20mo, has been a nightmare since day one, a little cracker, but so much work, had I been single, I truly do not think I would have coped with her on my own] and yes I have been a single parent to the older 2, for 5-6 years, piece of cake compared to the youngest

Goodluck in the future, Ive a feeling your going to need it

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