If you hit your OH then YES you are as much an abuser as he would be if he hit you.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

I have just seen someone on another forum discussing how she couldn't possibly have been an abuser. she has only hit her husband twice (although the second time she hit him twice as she enjoyed the fear and shock in his face) in the 15 years of their marriage.

the rest of the forumn are telling her that it was ok. they are both "headstrong"

other are saying things like "i wish i could hit my oh"

It makes me feel sick.

Violance on a relationship is wrong. It is called Domestic violance, not man hitting wife violance.

if you have hit your partner then you ARE an abuser and you SHOULD be looking at ways to deal with your anger.

Im sorry but i am actually quite angry about this

I agree with the OP. Hitting your partner is always abuse.

Amazing how you can move the goal posts to suit your particular posts.

This thread WAS about what mchobbes had posted on another site and to say different means that a lots of mums-netters got it as wrong as you are saying I have.

Last night it continued with some quite astonishingly vitriolic attacks on how mchobbes WAS an abuser..... until of course
QG refused to back her mouth up when McHobbes appeared to defend herself.

If the thread has veered off track a little and has now acknowledged that Mchobbes post was never about DV then fine , but don't tell me I'm on the wrong thread.

i didn't say you were on teh wrong thread i said you were wrong about what thsi thread was about.

Look, QG started a really badly judged thread about a thread, in which a woman posted in shame, confessing and asking for help after lashing out in reaction to her DH verbally abusing her! Why has this turned into a discussion which is allegedly not about a specific situation, and about women as abusers, acting like men?

"We have a DV survivor on the board being told how her behaviour was wrong, being told she's attention-seeking and worse. "

erm....no that is factually incorrect. i think you will find that spikey read some comments and then this was her description of those comments. she was never called attention seeking.

and she isn't the only person to have suffered DV, and just becuase she has doesn't mean we can't pull her up on an opinion if we think she is wrong - and again i shall reiterate, you do not have to have suffered from DV to have an opinion.

also, IF YOU had actually read the thread, you will see how most of us have said that we thought that is was wrong to lash out in that specific situation, however we found it understandable.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Mon 24-Jan-11 19:34:39
i will absoloutely not hang my head in shame. i have done nothing on this thread to be ashamed of. i am not one of the posters justifying violence.

ditto. if the sisterhood means saying that its ok for an ickle woman to hit her husband out of frustration and rage, I dont wish to be a part of it.

but it wasn't about that specific case missHT, it was inspired by that case but not specifically about it.

the thread has changed becuase over the course of any thread - they tend to do that. that doesn't make it right or wrong, just it is what it is and threads do change track and morph this way

i was my understanding that this thread was timely in that there was a thread about a woman hitting her dh, however the OPs statement led me to believe it was a general discussion on violence in a relationship

"i was my understanding that this thread was timely in that there was a thread about a woman hitting her dh, however the OPs statement led me to believe it was a general discussion on violence in a relationship"

same here.

iloveit

i think you have said enough

thank you for you opinion

The OP is enjoying herself on another thread now, the one about old-timers. Much as this had the possibility to be an interesting discussion, it wasn't to be (although all hail SGB for trying to keep things sensible) because rather than discuss gender and DV, we were all instructed to toe a line and woe betide us if we didn't. it was all rather depressing.

I hit my partner once and, not only did I feel like an abuser, he treated me like one. I deserved it when he walked out regardless of what he had done to 'deserve' it.

I'm so, so glad he came back and, if it was the other way round and he hit me, I would consider it abuse.

Being violent towards a partner is abusive. End of. Zero tolerance.

Hehe took me so long to read all that, it's all over [bgrin]

As far as I understand it, OP saw a thread elsewhere that prompted a general discssion about woman-on-man violence being as wrong as man-on-woman violence. That violence regardless of direction is not acceptable.

Noone is saying that self-defense is abuse.

Lissielou, ILove, Penelope and Custardo - I have agreed with everything you've posted

hehe, congratulations on the use of the burns night grin.

Aitch - what on earth has Gigantaur's current whereabouts got to do with anything?

she's off kicking her heels, not bothering to come back to the thread, so best for everyone else to stop upsetting themselves over it, i mean.

i am glad gig is enjoying herself because she hasn't been recently on MN.

well that was a damp squib flounce by

Gigantaur's

the thread doesn't have to stop just because the OP is done with it you know.

yeah me too,
although i have enjoyed this discussion and i for one thought it was very thought provoking from a 'what is DM' POV is a single incident DM etc... even if i do think all violence is wrong, its not as clear cut as that as many posters have pointed out with v. sad stories. great to hear others POV as well. v. engaging

Reflecting back, I think it's sad people accuse people like my friend, especially, of being abusive. She went through absolute hell, yet all people want to say is if women lash out they are wrong. I really don't get the motives behind these opinions.

I'm glad gigantaur is back aswell.
So what if she's on another thread.

Was she supposed to be hounded off?

spikey, we didn't just say women did we?