If you hit your OH then YES you are as much an abuser as he would be if he hit you.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

I have just seen someone on another forum discussing how she couldn't possibly have been an abuser. she has only hit her husband twice (although the second time she hit him twice as she enjoyed the fear and shock in his face) in the 15 years of their marriage.

the rest of the forumn are telling her that it was ok. they are both "headstrong"

other are saying things like "i wish i could hit my oh"

It makes me feel sick.

Violance on a relationship is wrong. It is called Domestic violance, not man hitting wife violance.

if you have hit your partner then you ARE an abuser and you SHOULD be looking at ways to deal with your anger.

Im sorry but i am actually quite angry about this

How am I missing the point when people are saying it's just as bad regardless of context.

I find it really hard to think of a woman hitting a mna once is as bad as a man hitting a woman. For a start my husband is nearly a foot taller than me and so if I hit him he'd probably not feel it, whereas if he hit me I'd probably hit the floor.

"Or should female survivors of DV curl up on the floor and take it every time just so they can keep their "victim" status?"

ok, you are not missing the point. you are making up stuff that no other poster has said.

Relate think the sex of the perp of DV is important.

I am also hiding this thread now. have wasted a day going round in circles, all survivors of DV, you have my respect x

Boo, people are talking like this is a black and white issue, that if a woman hits a man they are abusive. That's not true in all contexts

If people aren't including abused women in that then fine.

if she hits him in anything or than self defense then yes it is as bad. as him hitting her. frustration may have been here reasoning but do you honestly think men that hit women dont also justify it in their heads?

I slapped mine after being verbally abused for hours. It's not as bad at all. Men like that deserve to die, not be slapped

Boo>>>spectacularly missing the point of what is being said spikey.

The feeling is mutual

can anyone explain in plain english what is the point to keep repeating something everybody agrees
" it is just as bad whether is a man hitting or viceversa"
It is a postulate !
No one here have said the contrary but some of you keep reading what you like.
wait, do not answer that, you (some of you) are not obviously able as you are going around in circle

so you reacted to verbal abuse with violence spikey.

a violent man could say he reacted to his wife's nagging by hitting her.

is there a difference?

Nagging and verbal abuse are completely different. OK I'm an abusive thug, whatever. Especially as I agree with women killing abusive partners. I don't care.

you see, you are making stuff up that i haven't even said.

should men kill their abusive partners too?

If they fear for their lives, yes

you mean in self defense?

Lets not ignore how many men stalk, break in, and in some cases murder the children of women who have left them. Are there any "stats" on how many women go to those lengths?

dont think so spikey
but unfortunately they are rising stats on women who feel so desperate that end up taking their own life and their dc

so to prevent being stalked a woman should plan to kill her partner?

ok this is my last post but will check if ''team have the last word" is able to answer and enlighten me. If that happen than the last pages would have been worthy immo

I am really trying to understand why a woman who has suffered prolonged abuse once she has found the strength to get out from it, would sppend so much energy to fight the cause "women hitting are just as bad as man hitting"
(obvious statement that everybody in the right frame of mind would agree on universal level)
What comes to my mind is (and I do not wish for a second to stir up or provoke) : - is it possible it could be because they did not react to their abuser and therefore find more comfort in believing that had they done that (snapped and hit) it will be self degrading even more than taking the beating it self?

Violence is violence, and is wrong no matter what sex you are, women are not exempt from being abusers just because they have been abused, or have only hit out twice

im guessing the truth hurts with some?

Male violence and female violence are NOT the same on societal level. Yes, there are woman abusers, and women who attack vulnerable men are just as bad. But that doesn't make male and female violence "the same". Explain the stats on familicide.On obsessive stalking. On rape in abusive relationships. You can't put everything down to "under reporting" unfortunately.

but spikey, it may not happen as often, but it doesnt make it any better!

am really hiding this now, it did start to get sensible for a while but tbh, I CBA anymore.

And no I was never an abuser just because I hit back. But if that's what people have to say to appear "right on" then get on with it.
And should abusive women kill to save the lives of themselves and their children? Damn right they should!! When some abusers threaten to harm the children they mean it.