If you hit your OH then YES you are as much an abuser as he would be if he hit you.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

I have just seen someone on another forum discussing how she couldn't possibly have been an abuser. she has only hit her husband twice (although the second time she hit him twice as she enjoyed the fear and shock in his face) in the 15 years of their marriage.

the rest of the forumn are telling her that it was ok. they are both "headstrong"

other are saying things like "i wish i could hit my oh"

It makes me feel sick.

Violance on a relationship is wrong. It is called Domestic violance, not man hitting wife violance.

if you have hit your partner then you ARE an abuser and you SHOULD be looking at ways to deal with your anger.

Im sorry but i am actually quite angry about this

exactly yank'n'cock. of course a punch/push/slap once as a result of losing your rag isnt the same as years of physical and/or mental abuse. but it is the same whether its a man or a woman doing it. and it isnt to be dismissed as "it was a moment of madness, thats how our relationship works, we love each other really, I'm really feisty, he's really feisty"

YankN rather horribly, I dount it is: my own friends I know about seem to have universally accepted a level of aggression including being hit publicly whilst PG and pushed down the stairs.

I hope it is different elsewhere.

it may be the same, it may not.

or do you think females have achieved equal status in this society and all others around the globe? i'd like to see you be the first to tell the feminist board if so.

but a wallop or a push might be eminently get-overable by a lot of people, without either party being an abuser.

of course it is, not once have i said that it isnt. but it is the same regardless of the sex of the person administering said wallop or push. Im not spinning. Im quoting you directly. I am interpreting your posts based on how they are worded.

it may be the same, it may not.

or do you think females have achieved equal status in this society and all others around the globe? i'd like to see you be the first to tell the feminist board if so.

what an odd argument to bring in. how about this, we deserve to be treated equally, and that means the bad as well as the good. you cant play the feminism card while simultaneously saying that its not as bad if a woman hits a man.

can you identify where i have said that, lissie?

which bit?

Peachy, on the flip side, none of my friends would find that acceptable. Sad that you know so many who are clearly in a bad place.

And for all the assholes going on about Gigantaur being a coward and running away, obviously you are new and know fuck all about her. She's been here for years under a few different names and is well known for not backing down from a debate.

I knew she'd been unhappy with MN of late, and this was just the final straw. So thanks for hounding her out. Now we've lost a really excellent poster AND have no one to organise the Christmas do. Good work.

last line

i've been here a good deal longer than you, yank.

yank, I agree. gigi, has been v helpful to a huge amount of posters, and I will miss her. but she didnt flounce as has been suggested, she simply got sick of mn.

Add message | Report | Message poster ClareVoyant Mon 24-Jan-11 10:16:50
did you read sgb's post, lissie? the fact that you can swap personal pronouns doesn't mean that the cases were equal in the first place.

that do you? does that not read as the cases are not equal when the roles are reversed?

Good for you Clare, you're still an asshole.

I don't think Gigantaur started this saying that the persons story that was used as an example should have been thrown out of her house. I think she said that the perpetrator of any violent act needed to look at the causes for their anger/outburst.

The reason some posters became so angrily defensive is obvious given some of the things that they had later posted.

SGB that is a very typical stance and one That i very much want to challenge.
Yes i think society does think it ok for a woman to hit a man. I think that a lot of men are abused regularly and will not speak out because they are considered "whimpy"
your terminology of "weedy little man" so if a man is physically smaller than his spouse he is weedy and weak and somehow less of a man?
It is these attitudes that i think are wrong.

but on the whole i agree with what you have said.

hitting = abuse

Being abusive = 'abuser'

not so fucking hard to understand is it?

or do you think females have achieved equal status in this society and all others around the globe? i'd like to see you be the first to tell the feminist board if so.

Noi dont. but if we don't see ourselves as equals why the fuck should anyone else.

We cannot expect to be given equality only in area's of our chosing. To want equality we should act in the same way we would expact men to. And i do not expect men to think it ok to hit women.

may be, lissie, may not be.

any i mention my longevity because you said that anyone saying QG was cowardly must be new, yank.

extraordinary levels of aggression from the women who advocate non-violence at all time. lol.

sorry, I'll amend that to 'new and/or thick'

Who still 'lol's on here anyway?

C'mon Clare, you made this about semantics, the title is the problem right? Because she said 'abuser'?

Let's see you refute the simple truth. Hitting is abuse, those that perpetrate abuse are abusers. What now?

clare, I read your posts as you thought that it made a difference whether the person doing the punching was male or female. I am trying to say that it isnt. if thats not what you were saying then I apologise.

You can define abuser how you life - the point is equality.

"If you hit your OH then you are exactly as much of an abuser as he would be if he hit you."

No matter whether you think occassioanl slapping is fine and not abusive, or if you think the slightest poke is abusive, the statement still stands. It is exactly the same not matter who is doing it.

I've already said that, actually, trill, re the statement. So in a relationship where both patted culpable, no harm, no foul. In taxi, doubt typing good.

Parties