The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The New Year Wine Offers!

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Hello all.

We are the Brave Babes. We're on the Battle Bus, travelling around sobriety and going day by day, hour by hour, through the detox hell of not drinking, cutting down or sometimes even not.

Come say hi. We won't bite.

No doubt one of us has been where you are now......

It's fine. No judging, no nasty jibes, just us, the BBs.

Come meet the others..................

2 years ago I was starting drinking at 9 am, I was drinking it as if it was coffee or water, now I dont drink before 6 and have 1 or 2 days free but it's not good enough !

LADYBOAK

I would say that, if you have ever gone through a phase of compulsive or regular morning drinking, then your drinking is essentially fucked and you will struggle ever to have a normal relationship with alcohol.

Do you want an easy life or a life of struggle?

My advice to you would be to stop drinking altogether and walk away from it while you still can.

hmm, sorry lady, my last post made it sound like all we needed was a blackcurrent juice and a hot bath and everything would be hunky dory! , its not as easy as that obviously or we wouldnt be here - i found it so fucking hard at the start, now i find i have a few really good days when it is easy and drinking is not even in my thoughts and then i will have a couple of days when i could sit and weep with the frustration of trying, when the thought of drinking almost consumes me, when it feels an almost hopeless task - those feeling do eventually pass and it does get easier!

Miflaw - I know, I'm never going to be a person with a healthy attitude to alcohol. I'm taking the plonge to do it now because everything got better in my life and I dont have anymore excuses to drink. I have finally sorted most of my issues, alcohol is the last one to tackle and the hardest one.

I've been having a fairly rubbish day with my mum being a major stress, along with DD's Social Worker, and various other things. But, it's definitely better for not doing it with a hangover and not obsessing about whether I will drink today, because I won't be.
I just need to say - it still feels very hard at the moment though - this initial honeymoon period people talk about in AA, why can't I have a bit of it, please?

Noteven

The honeymoon period is v much a honeymoon with AA - it doesn't mean your life is easy or that not drinking is suddenly second nature, just that you enojy AA, wholeheartedly endorse everything in the book, take every piece of advice and love every meeting.

Typically, it just means that you have yet to meet any of the pricks.

If you haven't yet met any pricks yet are still not enjoying it, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations - are you expecting to become a normal drinker or for everyone outside AA to come up to you, unsolicited, to say they forgive you and just to forget about all that past silliness? I think that was my attitude initially - and it didn't happen for me either.

AA doesn't make life any easier - it makes you stronger and better at life.

miflaw - i have recently met the 'pricks'! - a few of us are trying to get a womens meeting off the ground - it is scheduled at the same time as an ordianry meeting in the town so that there is a place for men to go, apparantly this is not good enough for some of the men and they are giving us a VERY hard time!

wasindie's in a better place,
a spring in her step and a smile on her face,
one twin is sleeping, the other will too,
But faced with a drink - what will she do?

For 4 days now, she's managed to say 'no'
Time goes on, and it's easier you know,
tonight you can choose to drink soda and lime
And keep on doing it one day at a time.

JWN can I ask, do you still have times when you struggle? You sounds so damn upbeat most of the time (except when you had flu). I have recently found myself back to struggling at 4pm, anticipating a glass (ha!) of something. I do absoloutely recognise that the thoughts I have are no way as intense or as long lasting as they were at the beginning, and it is relatively easy to distract myself with a glass of chilled elderflower, or a bowl of soup, or a walk on the beach. And I end up noticing how glad I am that I didn't drink, but I do wonder will I ever be free of this demon in my head?

MIFLAW good to have you back. Did you name you little daughter the lovely name you had planned?

Can I ask a question (sort of on behlf of someone else) about getting a sponsor in AA. How does one go about it, and when do you need one? I know some people have them very early, and others don't until they are formally doing the 12 steps.

LadyB - sounds as though you are in a wonderful place. You have dealt with your other issues first, so every day you are sober you can enjoy and appreciate. Unfortunately so many of us used alcohol to supress all the other issues, so when we stopped drinking - BAMM! everything else hit us in the face.

I have read the Allan Carr book. How are you getting on with it? It make a big sifference in my life. ON its own it wasn't enough to stop me drinking for ever, but I know that a lot of his meesage have sunk in and they are one part of the armourey that I call upon when I feel tempted.

Do you have 'real-life' support as well? I know this thread has been great for me and others, but it is only the internet.... Some people on here have a strong support network of friend, some use AA, some have the total support of their partner. It is worth thinking about. Glad to have you on board.

oh gawd do i struggle!!? you bet your bum i do! - sometimes i could scream 'give me a fucking drink'!! 'i work hard i deserve one' and the resentment i feel sometimes is fucking immense!, how come all these people in this restaurant/bar/house/boat whatever, can all have a bloody fucking glass of wine and i cant?, oh its not bloody fair!!!the rage i can feel is frightening actually!, i have even battled with a voice telling me that im losing the 'real me' now im sober! it is easing though, i cant tell you the relif i feel when i find that i can control the urge to drink and do something constructive instead - i have even left a dinner table before now and had a short walk round the garden, thankfully, because i have good friends and they are fully aware of my 'problem' , i have had nothing but support!

after listening to other people at aa i have come to realise that my feelings are normal and if i fight them for even a few minutes they do subside - when im at my worst i run through all the positives in my head and i find that just glancing at a picture of dd helps - i still remember the look of pure hatred she gave me, something i never want to see again!

Yes, daughter is Florence.

Re sponsors, I'm the wrong person to ask as I haven't got one! My attitude to sponsors is actually like my attitude to AA in the early days; I find I am struggling; I get a sponsor; I stop struggling; ergo, I don't need a sponsor! So I've sort of given up bothering - for now.

How one goes about it is, you find someone who talks sense and doesn't sound fucking mad, and ask them if they will sponsor you. Normally they will sya yes - if they don't, then don't take it personally, they've obviously got their own reasons which are nothing to do with you.

I would say, too, that if you're not going to get a sponsor, it can get quite lonely; and, also, you have to be very careful not to kid yourself, so you'll need to make sure you share regularly and listen to feedback, and constantly check your actions and thoughts to make sure you're not bullshitting yourself - and also, really take things like HALT to heart, because if you don't have a sponsor, you need your own early warning system for the danger signs.

JWN Thank you so much for that post.

Venus must have read my mind when she posted, as I was going to ask you exactly the same thing, then the phone went, and I have only just come off. I am in precisely the same place as you Venus at the moment, and I sort of thought all that had passed.

Thank you again JWN for being so honest, crikey, would like to give you biggo hug, sending you virtual one, instead

Florence what a beautiful name Milflaw

Thanks MIF

and big thanks JWN for that out-pouring of honesty. Made me feel much better.

dementedma I read your post and it resonated. I was up very early this morning to get a train for a couple of hours, and I can still remember all the feelings from the mornings when I did that while I had a ragin hangover - feeling grey and shaky and sick. Drinking coffee, drinking coke, getting a bigmac breakfast mcmuffin thing, desperate for salt and sugar and liquid. Arriving at my meeting feeling better (bit still shaky) and knowing that I was fat and bloated because of it all.

Now, while I am not exactly sylph-like, I am on a train on my way home and I feel OK about myself. I am neither glugging gin, nor sleeping off the remnants of a hangover. And that is good enough.

And just in case it wasn't clear - in my previous post I was recalling the PREVIOUS times that i was hungover on a train, not recalling this morning .

Although I don't know why I feel the need to justify myself to you lot!!!!

thats alright thurso! anytime!

i havent got a sponsor, right now im not even contemplating starting the steps - my plan is to get to a year (not projecting btw!), get my body back on a nice even keel, really work with dh and dd to make home a proper safe and happy place to be,(its really getting there but there is always room for improvment!) then i will be asking a woman i have met and get on with very well to be my sponsor - i read the 12 steps at least 3 times a week and try to apply them to my everyday life, i also like the 'just for today' card and try and use that too! - what i have to remember is that im not a particuarly 'thoughtful' person and that actually, too much navel gazing depresses me terribly, im much more of a 'doer' and i need to keep on the move or i kind of wallow, which is a REALLY bad plan for me!

venus - gray is a really good word for describing how i used to feel!

im not sylph-like either, but at least we are looking a bit sparkly eyed and fresh skinned - makes a lovely change from that fat bloated look!

MIFLAW - Nemo was going to be Florence if he was a she.

Beautiful name. x

Venus-I'm in a good place, not wonderful but good place. My finances are sorted. My depression is in control. I didnt suffer from PMT for the first time in month and I'm so happy about it because when I have pmt I turn into a monster and alcohol doesnt help. I'm not working at the moment but I'm starting a new job end of April full time so I need to be sober and fitter for that. Also, I didnt argue with my dh for a while, when we argue I'm really mean due to alcohol, stress, tiredness etc..
If you knew the amount of time I posted on mumsnet about my problems with dh and finances, everything is linked to alcohol I know it.

I'm still drinking but I want to stop. I have been making more effort, I go out more with dh and the children during the week end (I used to stay behind as I wanted to be off), I appreciate more my dh and I make sure I make sure I make some effort for him so he feels loved and appreciated.

I put a stop to my own personal social life (getting pissed every week with my friends) instead we go to our lovely neighbours who have children of a similar age.

I didnt read the allen carr book, I have ordered it today so will see !

My dh support me a lot and I'm open about my problem, I'm not denying I have a problem, I'm addicted, completely. I have been opened about it with my friends and all I get is "Come on you are not an alcoholic if you are I am".

Thank you so much for this thread !

Hello Ladies

Hi LadyBoak my friends say the same thing to me (about not being an alcoholic) but they don't know how much I was drinking (because I was good at hiding that), how much time I spent planning my drinking, how sick in body and mind I felt each morning. Only you know whether you want to stop drinking or not and if you do decide to stop try not to let your friends influence you. I have to say that mine like JWN's have been nothing but supportive. It is really hard, but SO worth it.
Good Luck!

Hi Ladies,

Hope you don?t mind if I join you. I am not a mum, however have yet to find any other online support as good as this! I've been reading your posts with interest and admiration for a while.

I have finally decided enough?s enough and want to do something about my drinking problem. I?m turning 30 this year and want to live through the next decade with clarity, not a haze of hangovers and shame. I also want to re-establish some self-respect and the respect of my friends and family. I'm sick of being the pisshead in the corner, not remembering important things people have told me and letting people down. I've buggered up two perfectly good relationships and hurt people's feelngs and don't want to be that type of person any more.

I?ve always managed to pull it out of the bag professionally, albeit at the last minute, however I haven?t shone through like I think I?ve got the potential to do, IYSWIM. Mainly because I?ve spent the last 10 years being drunk or hungover.

I?d like to meet a nice man and have a family, and I fear no one will go within 10 yards of me the way I?ve been in the past.
I?ve not had a drink in 2 weeks, and although the first few days were hard I?ve been OK. However, it is January, I can play the ?Jan detox? card and there?s not been much on socially. I?ve kind of ?got away with it? without any awkward conversations.

I'm currently living away from home for a while (gone back to studying) and the people who I live with don't really know me very well, which has been a help really, less questions asked about why i'm off the wine!

So you?re the first people I?ve admitted this too. I?m undecided as to what my next step is. I know i'm going to have to tell people in RL sooner rather than later (although i'm sure for some of them it will be a great relief!)

God, so awful and cringeworthy. Hope you don?t mind the long post. I?ve been pondering for a while.