The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The New Year Wine Offers!

[Mouseface]

Hello all.

We are the Brave Babes. We're on the Battle Bus, travelling around sobriety and going day by day, hour by hour, through the detox hell of not drinking, cutting down or sometimes even not.

Come say hi. We won't bite.

No doubt one of us has been where you are now......

It's fine. No judging, no nasty jibes, just us, the BBs.

Come meet the others..................

You help tremendously by posting while drinking; you remind me why I don't.

Why thank you. SO glad to have been of assistance!Guess we're all not as marvellous as you

Demented

If I was marvellous I wouldn't be here. I'm a piss artist. That's why I talk here, about my own experience.

I'm sorry if I've offended you but I have to say it was an honest comment. If I forgot what drinking was like, I would drink again. As I am now 6 years older than when a doctor predicted I would die of drinking, my logical brain tells me that this would be a bad idea.

And yet the day he told me that, I went to the pub. Which tells me that, ridiculous as it may seem, I have it in me to drink again, even in the knowledge that I would lose my job (done that before), my partner (done that before) and, apparently, ultimately my life.

So I need reminding about what it was like. That happens in two ways. Either I talk to other sober people and we keep ourselves honest and remember, not the champagne cocktails, but the cans of K, the red wine breakfasts, the scrabbling for loose change to buy one drink, just the one.

Or, sadly, sometimes I am reminded by seeing someone else who is drinking and miserable.

Obviously, my marvellousness or otherwise has nothing to do with them having a drink. And I am extremely sorry to hear that you drank, for the sole reason that, apparently, it is not making you happy.

it is no judgement of you except, if anything, to say that you shouldn't feel bad about posting because you are helping others.

If you feel you would enjoy it more to help others without suffering yourself, then I would be happy to help in any way I can.

I do not drink for the sole reason that is makes me unhappy. I drink because for those couple of hours I am marginally less unhappy.
You are known on here for your straight talking which helps many people, but you can come across as condescending and patronising. Right now, I need you like I need a hole in the head!

Then ignore me.

And I think you have misread me. When I said

"And I am extremely sorry to hear that you drank, for the sole reason that, apparently, it is not making you happy."

I did not mean that you only drink because it makes you unhappy.

I meant that the only reason I am sorry to hear it is that it appears to make you unhappy. If you (or anyone else here) came across as a happy drinker, I would think, "good luck to you." I really, REALLY could not care less about people's drinking when they get happiness from it.

My partner is a case in point - she likes to drink. She celebrates family occasions with champagne. She likes going to the pub with friends and drinking beer or wine or cocktails. Fair play to her.

When I drink, everything turns to shit and people hate me. I once caused a flatmate to move out of the flat, and the main motivating factor was that I had arrived. The number of evenings I have ruined by drinking - and bear in mind that my entire drinking career was ten years long - I cannot count, and I am sure it would be more if I included the strangers whose evenings I ruined or the evenings I can't actually remember.

FWIW I actually find the accusation that I think I am "marvellous" quite offensive. I really don't. I think my life is marvellous and I know that the reason it is marvellous is because I stopped drinking. Not cut down - when I tried to cut down I failed miserably. Not stopped and then started - when I did that I just forgot to stop again.

The reason I am in a relationship; the reason I have children; the reason I have a job; the reason I can afford to pay rent rather than sleeping rough, living at my mum's or living in a hostel; the reason I am wearing a suit rather than a jacket and jeans (because the suit trousers are unwearable because they smell of shit and piss); the reason I am not in a 6ft wooden box; this is all, without question, directly attributable to the fact that I do not drink. Nothing else. And even that I needed help with. Millions of people in this world go their whole lives without a drink and it doesn't bother them. I need continued help to stop myself from fucking it all up. How marvellous is that?

I am not marvellous. Just very, very lucky.

ma when you are in the right place, when you have hit your rock bottom, these words will help rather than enrage you. If you are not there yet, then you will be angry. I understand that. I was there. I received several doses of MIFLAW's tough love and found them distressing, patronising, and I thought I knew better. I retaliated at times too.

Only you can know if those two hours are worth it, ma, and if they are no-one here is going to tell you to stop. It was never worth it for me, I was ill, hungover, depressed, remorseful and unable to function properly because of it. That's why I needed to stop - getting that bad, of course, is optional!

My DD is home with an ear infection and a temperature even after Calpol. Now this I would have had a drink on before. Am armed with phone numbers, etc, I got through my ex messing me about and mum being admitted to hospital in the last week, this is just the next thing to not sink into self pity about, not pick up a drink, just keep it in the day...

How is everyone else doing? Mouse how are the builders? IsIndie where are yooou??

Hi Ma I am so sorry that you are feeling so low and I know from my own bitter experience that it can feel initially better to sink into a bottle or two of wine, but in the long run the benefit of not drinking is so much more satisfying. I know it is really really hard for you, but you are in a good place to try to release the hold that the alcohol has over you. This bus is the right place, the right time, try to grab hold of the lifeline.
Rx

MILFAW

thanks for the info. will PM you.

TNC.

Hey guys,
haven't posted in the last couple of days, as things have been a bit busy [understatement icon] workwise.

However I have made time to read the Allen Carr book, and I didn't find it it the easy read (Easyway?) that it purports to be.

On the one hand, he (Allen) quotes AA all the time, and on the other he seems to refute all that AA believe. Also, I couldn't relate to many of the chapters (me being stupid, and in denial, possibly).

He doesn't have a chapter on "When I drink two glasses of wine, I start to feel 25 again, with no responsibilites", and only covers boredom (which, in my case is, no-one home tonight, no work tomorrow, or the next day, so jolly well will) in about two sentences. Am I "over-reading" it or just being thick?

He does say that if you have been sober for more than a day, ignore the "last drink" bit, so I did, maybe that's what I was missing.

I do so understand you Ma when you say that you feel slightly less unhappy, for a couple of hours when you drink. I also realise Miflaw that AA has given you back your back the life you should have, and I know that you try to help others in any way possible (after all, you don't need to post on here, and you have helped all of us).

But for me, tonight, no-one home, no work tomorrow, or the next day..........

Oh Thurso.
Remember how terrible you felt when you slipped before. How full of guilt and remorse and self-doubt, how unwell you felt. Was it worth it? Did you 'get away with it', really?
I've not read the book, so I can't help with that. But I can be here to talk this evening if that will help you if you don't want to drink but are feeling vulnerable.

Hi everyone

Hope your OK Ma

OK I adore my DC's but this week and today in particular they are driving me bloody mad. They keep bickering, answering me back, being rude, unhelpful. Feel bad in that I can't wait for them to go to their Dad;s tonight (when he finally picks them up). Have had enough. I have a date in an hour and a half and now have to collect DD from gym, walk the dog & eat. Where has the time gone!!!

Hey Thurso how about feeling 25 tonight, and 105 tomorrow morning though?

Yes, am thinking about that BB

Thurso

There is no problem in your life, however great, complicated or long-lasting, that an alcoholic drink cannot make worse.

True that for me AA changed my life, btw, and I am very vocal about that on here - but, fundamentally, not drinking saved my life. What AA did was make that possible and even pleasurable.

But attending AA and continuing to drink did not make me any happier. I know this because, on and off, i tried it for a year. Sober in AA was brilliant; drunk in AA was not that much different to being drunk outside AA, except seeing other people succeeding where I was failing gave me a strange mix of bitterness, self-pity and hope. I only kept going back because i didn't have a better idea and because it was working for them, even if I did resent them their happiness.

Equally, if I had managed to stop drinking and be happy about it on my own resources, or through the Ch*rch, or through Buddhism, or through helping the aged, then AA would have been a choice among many.

Hope this doesn't come across as splitting hairs.

"But for me, tonight, no-one home, no work tomorrow, or the next day.........."

Whenever this was true for me I could, in hindsight, have banked on still being drinking the day AFTER next.

Good evening Babes.

Well, I have survived day 3 of builder/plumber hell.

2 days left and then my house will be clean, neat and tidy, with no men leaving the loo seat up and treading bits of plaster, oil, and soot all through my house.

There are little pools of water everywhere.

I will have heat and hot water back. You don't realise how much you use it until you don't have it for a week.

noteven - how are you today lovely? I have kind of skim read the thread.

Ma - are you okay?

Silver - if you are around, please post to let us know you are ok.

Mouse - I'm good thank you, bit of a rollercoaster of a day but I am learning all the time. You are more than half way there - well done you, you sound pretty good considering how much you were dreading it. Have you been very cold in the evenings and nights??

thurso are you there lovely?

This having my evenings back thing is great, not quite sure what to do tonight as I'm really tired. I've started playing my guitar again which is just such a blessing (to me, probably not to the neighbours!!). I might write a much overdue letter. I'm so lucky to have this sobriety that I have today, I wouldn't swap it.

Ahhh just lost a long message.

Was just saying Hi to everyone. Over half way there Mouse. Hope your OK Ma

I am off out for a date in ten mins, a hell of a bit apprehensive. Can't be doing with all this do I like him/does he like me polava. I still see the neighbour (as bloody friends only) and he is still with his witchy lovely girlfriend

You are doing so well Noteven you sound very positive about things

hello - just checking in. On day 16 now (not that I'm counting...) but the last couple of days have been really tough. My drinkers brain keeps suggesting that if I've stopped for this long I've proved to myself I don't have a problem so maybe a glass of wine wouldn't be a bad idea. I seem to remember this from when I packed in the fags - I'd always get a craving for them on 'anniversaries' - a week after giving up, a month after giving up, six months etc.

I'm not getting back in the ring though - I managed to enjoy a non-liquid lunch with my oldest drinking buddy today so feeling pretty chuffed. :)

And still LOVING not feeling like crap when I wake up in the mornings.

noteven I can't put my finger on exactly why, but may i say that I have been more inspired by you than anyone i can thank of... I cannot believe how much better things are for you, how strong you are, every time i read your messages it makes me smile

I have a start dte for work, 21 Feb.... Arrrgghh!

How's everyone else?

Hello,
noteven yes, still here.

Just had dinner with DH, so still not had a glass of wine, but the thought is with me.

Going up for a bath now, and so I think it's gone, but have many things to think about tonight. Probably best if I don't really.

Mif don't quite understand why you would think that is splitting hairs? Surely just saying what you feel?, especially as I completely agree with your first sentence.

Cristi you have got me through some dark times, especially in November. I had gone a long way down the slope, that's for sure, maybe I had a bit further to crawl back up? I am just trying to tell it how it is, God knows I tried to conceal how it was for long enough! I am glad you have a start date for work, I hope it is the start of better times for you and your family.

thurso well done - it sounds a bit like what I have heard described as "white knuckle sobriety" for you at the moment? Am heading to bed as poorly child usually = bad night, am thinking of you.

Zany hope you enjoy!

Hi all, soory dog jumping on me so might not type so well.

Well had a very good date, wasn't sure at first (hope its not beer goggles that make me like him now but he seems lovely and has already asked for a second date before I got home. Could be a slow burner

Hope everyone else is OK

Morning everyone. It's good to wake up sober if a little saddle-sore from cycling yesterday!!

Isinde - what you said last night was really powerful. You've got amazing insight - far more than me - I guess the only question is what are you going to do about it. If it would help, I'd willingly come over to your side of the water and come to a meeting with you. I'm only very new to it but am comfortable walking into a meeting I've not been to before.

I am honestly telling it how it is when I feel boingy - I have been where you are - that night I spent wanting to die was only 2 weeks ago. I am honestly so grateful for what I have today and I wouldn't swap it for any of my drinking days and I think it is there for anyone that wants it with all their heart.