Forced to have MIL as our cleaner. Now she says the flat is filthy and disgusting.

[AmandaCooper]

Just to set the scene, I work out of the house about 45 hours a week. Travel there and back takes about 1.5 hours a day. DH works from home similar hours. No DC. I do 95% of the housework.

DH (MIL?) has recently decided that MIL should be our cleaner. DH has agreed to pay her a "good rate" and apparently she badly needs the money. Although I was very uncomfortable with the idea, she has now been and cleaned our flat twice, both times while I was at work and without any warning whatsoever.

DH and I had a huge fight last night over this which culminated in me packing a bag to leave, but not leaving. During the argument, DH kept saying that the flat was "filthy and disgusting". I am confident that he is repeating what he has heard MIL say. She used to say the same thing about the "disgusting state" we left the house in when we lived with her.

I feel awful about MIL coming in my home when I'm not expecting it and criticising my housekeeping to DH. It's not the immaculate show home that her house is, but it's not filthy and disgusting.

What would you do?

what exactly do your MIL and your DH expect you to do about it?

She's the cleaner now, if it's disgusting and filthy then she's not doing her job properly.

I would suggest to your husband that you

a. hold back some of her 'wage' as she is clearly not up to scratch

b. Write a very specific list of jobs she should be doing and sit her down to discuss how and when she will be achieving the standard she your husband expects.

My worst nightmare is that my MIL would be given freedom to poke around my extremely untidyhouse.

He's being a prick about this. If you can live in it and it is your place fine. If he doesn't like it, he should address it.

Oh just read you don't like your dh doing cleaning. Bonkers IMO

Yes maybe your mil can help. If you don't mind having someone so overtly critical helping you with your personal stuff like your home.

Just to reiterate that MIL has only been to clean once before and that was before Christmas.

DH doesn't want either of us to clean the house.

eeeek

There is NO WAY i'd let MIL in to clean my house. It makes me twitch when she hands the washing on the line or washes up.

Dh and I are both slobs and detest housework but hell would freeze over before it let someone I know be my cleaner, even if it was to do them a favour.

If you can afford a cleaner hire a professional who you will never have to discuss how much of a slob you are with.

I do agree with you both ought to be be doing 50% if you're both working full time though.

btw

Worszel he says you said you thought it was a good idea!

Dittany I do some of it, some he takes to MIL's.

'DH doesn't want either of us to clean the house.'

what?

now i'm really confused.

how drunk was I on a scale of 1 to 1,000,000 ?

I'd have to be somewhere close to 950,000 to suggest letting your mother in law ferrett around in your washing cupboard basket

Was I conscious ?

He wants a cleaner to do it - but now it has to be MIL.

I think MIL is just bored.

He takes stuff to his mum to clean?

Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

Umbilical cord obviously still not cut.

Why not let her move in to be a live in housekeeper? Then he can have sex with you while having the rest of his needs met by mum.

Dittany he barely creates any washing, and most of his stuff doesn't need ironing. It's my job that creates all the laundry. He takes his hand wash stuff home to MIL because I won't do it.

I can't really read a link on my phone I'll have a look after I get in from work and of course after I've cooked DH's tea and given him his bath.

quite right too but mil shouldn't be doing it either!

List of what DH does:

All the driving
Repairs and services, taxes and insures the cars
Most of the cooking and clearing away
All the supermarket shopping
Collects me from the station every night
More than his share of tidying up and putting away
Mops floors sometimes
Vacuums sometimes
Sorts out computers, phones, TV, Internet, etc
DIY

Hmmm good article that. It is a bit like that, yes.

amanda - god my dh does that bloody annoying asking questions all the time thing. we cannot clean/tidy together. when we have flat viewings he takes dd out and i do it. which means i do it all (not great sit i know) but i am much lessed stressed with it.

Well most of the men I have known dont really do there fair share of house work. I think they think its womens work. MY ex husband had this attitude. We both worked full time and my DS was only 4 months old (I wanted part time Ex wanted me to be full time) because I had "time off" or maternity leave to look after DS when I went back full time he did nothing! I was exhausted. I told him to piss off. Started to leave all his shitty mess and just tidy up my own. Maybe just make sure you have everything you need clean clothes for work and stuff dishes you have used. Leave the rest for him and his mum to clean. Then see how much mess is his. If they start slagging off things well its all his mess. And lets face it if your paying for a cleaner well the mother can earn her keep and clean up after her baby boy!

So, your MIL lost her job and now it's YOUR responsibility? As in your husband and yourself, to take her on as a cleaner?!

The housework in your own home has to be worked out between the two of you

No way I would have my MIL come in to clean my house!

You're setting yourself up to be "found not good enough"!