Urgent help needed PLEASE...when is enough ENOUGH????

[worthless]

this is my second thread on MN....first was "Crap wife - good mother"....

Things have moved on after an awful few weeks. Husband now found a house to rent and is due to move out at the weekend..... has asked me to think again about US and about the children (14,11,8) to think about what him leaving will do to them etc etc

He quite clearly does not want to leave his home, his children and wants to stay but I just don't know whether I can do this anymore.

Last 2 years have been truly dreadful for us all. Been unhappy for many years really. Only came to a head in last couple of years when DH turned nasty.

Have suffered EA from him (but didnt realise it was this until seen this from MN)

He has for a number of years been EA, been a bully, lazy, bad tempered, selfish, and sexually a pest - thinks women are up for sex whenever their husbands want it and that he is the only man to have sex ONLY 2 or 3 times a week!!!!

Finally had enough of the rows, temper, and abuse BUT he assures me he recognises that he has in his words "been a crap husband" and that it is not me that has "been the crap wife"......

Has he changed/can he change - should I give him one last go.....

I am not sure if I love him anymore - how can someone love someone who has been so horrible for so long - I have told him this and he is begging for one last chance.

Thoughts please - quickly!!!!!!!

There is nothing worse than the feeling of overwhelming sick to the pit of your stomach through fear when the key goes in that lock.

I don't get that anymore, but I do feel sad, put out and 'party's over'.

not for long.

Worthy, be strong, you can do this. You have to. Your DC need it, you need it.

Wow Worthy, you've had a weekend of it, I remember how it was preparing to leave my xh. stay strong, believe in yourself, and believe in the beautiful peaceful calm that will come for you and your dc once this is past, and he is no longer in your life. Detach, it saved my sanity when I was with my xh, ignore the manipulation, just stick to telling him how it is - your behaviour is unacceptable, you do not speak to me like that. like you would a toddler.

un-mnly hugs for worthy and little miss

thanks again everyone for posting!!!

your support is without a doubt keeping me going.

I do feel very very vulnerable right now, I am exhausted and very low..........

just want this to be over but I am unable to follow through the suggestions of women's aid, police, safe houses etc as he is not violent and feel that this is the wrong approach and not for me. This is a sad, sad situation and I cannot do that to him or my children - he needs to go of his own steam ( for goodness sake I do not hate him) just feel empty really.

What is troubling me is my middle child as he is so sad and we had a talk last night and he told me that he knows mummy and daddy aren't happy but that he thinks that his dad is going to move out but that he does not want him to - he wants us to all stay together and be happy (I told him that at the moment mummy and daddy are trying to be happy but that we cant seem to be able to and that maybe daddy having a new house for a bit will do us all some good as mummy and daddy can work on their problems without everyone in the house being scared and worried but he said please let daddy stay, please dont make him go!!!!!

just so confusing - i really do not know what to do - as I said in the title of my post "WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH"??????

this isnt your childs decision sorry but it isnt it is your decision to do what is right by you, when you have done what is right by you it will be easier to do whats right by the DC which is IMO to provide them with a loving stable settled environment, which is just not happening at the mo is it, my youngest child still occasionally questions my decision to have daddy move out and i have to explain as best i can that dadddy and i still love you but not each other etc etc, i am always calm and let him ask whatever he wants and over the weeks this seems to trouble him less and less as they are settling into the new routine with their father and myself being so much happier away from one another, whether it comes back to bite me in the arse in years to come is another thing, but it wont be any worse than the fall out from havin 2 DC stuck in a house hold of bitter resentment, foul langage, emotional cruelty, and what ever other nasty habits are going on in any household, so i am quite willing to take my chances with that,

IMO if you fall by the wayside now and try to give it another 6 months you will only be back on here desperately unhappy and asking for the same advice.

just wanted to add i spent at least 2 years longer in my unhappy marriage than i should because i didnt believe i had the right to put my happiness b4 my DC, so i do know what you are going through,

Worthy - enough is enough now.

(Well, enough was enough years ago, but you can't go back in time).

Please don't back down, and if he doesn't leave when he said he would, then make him go. Otherwise you're going to be posting on here for months as he faffs about and makes excuses not to have to go.

You will then show him you are just the person he thinks you are - weak and gullible - instead of the person you truly are which is strong and independent and knowing what is best for you and your DCs. And yes, it is absolutely best for your DCs that he goes. They will adapt to the change very quickly.

Stay strong!

Emotional Abuse is ABUSE. You don't need a broken rib to go to WA.

Please, please contact WA. They are there for you. You will be so relieved when you do. You will feel validated and supported.

Please remember this: "tried Relate - councellor told me that he was the most angry aggressive man she had ever met" - you need Women's Aid, and please make that call.

Take a look at this site on emotional disorders. There is a pattern of him denying and invalidating and refusing to accept your perspective and your feelings in your reports here. He is trying to force you to accept his reality and forget yours completely.

He's been getting at your DS and deliberately upsetting him in order to get his own way.
He's sexually assaulted you (climbing on top of you and persisting when you tried to push him off).
He's bullied you and the whole family for years.

He's a piece of shit and you will be so much better off without him - you can get court orders to force him out of the house and the sooner you do so the better.

Never mind his 'let me love you' rubbish: try hearing what he's really saying which is 'Let me fuck your unwilling body in a way that won't give you any pleasure because I don't think you're a human being at all, you're a domestic appliance with a fuckhole.'

OP has said she doesn't hate DH.
After 130-odd messages all saying the same thing, I too am wondering - quote - When is enough enough?
And why is it urgent?