Do I apologise for my stalkerish behaviour or just leave it?

[poshsinglemum]

I had a huge crush on a guy last summer and when he rejected me I sent him some arsey messages about leading me on etc. (he didn't really- that much)

I know I have been totally out of line and am sorry but I really shouldn't contact him again should I?

Mabe I want to say sorry because I want to start contact and build bridges but I know this is a bad idea. I need to snap out of it but can't get my mind off him. my previous thread on this sunk I think.

If I see him again (we live in the same area) I know I should just ignore him but would love to go up and apologise for being such a twat.

I think it would be good to apologise, if you can catch up with him that is But that would be it - no 'building bridges' etc.

Why do you really want to see him?

You say you cannot get your mind off him.

I would leave it, I think. He'll think you're after him again. Or perhaps do apologise if it will make you feel better, but do not try to 'build bridges'.

Hmmm, perhaps you need to examine your motivation for apologising.

Are you really sorry, or do you just want to have an excuse to talk to him again?

There's nothing like an unrequited crush to completely do your head in. Perhaps you'd be best off concentrating on just trying to move on.

I think I want to build bridges! I HATE IT!!!

I am genuinely sorry for my behaviour; but mainly because it has put him off me for good. At the time I thought that it's what I wanted as no hope is sometimes for the best but now I want hope back!

PSM - if he's like most men, he will have moved on. At the time, he would have thought you were a mad cow and not given it another thought once he had made his mind up on it. He is not sitting at home waiting for you to get in touch and explain yourself or apologise. Sorry, but (most) men do not dwell on these things.

Don't get in touch and if you do see him in the street, make sure it's you that runs first .

You are still stalking him if you speak to him again. Please try to move on.

Nah, he'll just think you're cut up about him (I'm on this thread too I realise ) and most likely will just feed his ego.

Well he's the one who started it by inviting me up to his family's house (he lives there)for baby groups and halloween parties, (knowing that I was single again), asking me about my partner, blushing bright red when I spoke to him waving at me wildly and staring at me as I walked past his truck. he literally dropped what he was holding and stared.
All this BEFORE I told him how I felt.

If I din't think he fancied me I wouldn't have had a ctrush on him.
Ugggrrr.

I hate the way men can compartmentalise everything.

Ah, you don't want to apologise to clear your conscience, but because you are holding a candle for him.

There is no hope - you need to move on and forget about contacting him alltogether.

You would just feel rubbish again if you contacted him to apologise. He may well not reply and then you would feel crap.
Just leave it - and try to find another fancy to take your mind off him

as I said on your other thread about this...move on!

If he wants you he'd go for it. He's not though (sorry). He does, however, want to be flattered.

Self indulgent rant alert; I am fed up with being the rejected one who noone is interested in.
The first time a man shows some interest in me since dd was born is a man I really care about from my past and it turns out that he's not even that interseted after all. Moreover; he thinks I'm a nutter.

I've been on Match for 6 months but no luck.I have liked some men on there but no interest in me.

HOW DOES THE HEART STOP CARING???? Can it? Really? or do we just have to grin and bear it and pretend we don't give a fuck in case they get flattered?

Oh posh I get you.

The heart doesn't stop caring. Well mine doesn't. And I don't want it to if I'm honest. It's a balance I'm trying to find too.

I've seen your posts on here and you sound like a lovely person.

FWIW I'm ok at attracting men who want a shag, but not a relationship. Or if on the rare occasion they do, they are really ugly or narcissistic not the right ones.

It's tough but all I know is that the answer is not to be found in the wrong men.

I don't want my heart to stop caring either MybrilliantCareer. It makes me feel human to love; even if that love is unrequited.

When someone else loves me that I also love I will be relieved as I can share the love!

I even love having a crush; the excitement, the drama, the unhealthy stalking obsession !

Why is he the wrong man though. Tell me people. Put me off him.

Thanks dittany. You are convincing me. Did I mention that he's an old friend of the boyfriend who almost killed me. (narcasist) he's not best mates but they are friends on Facebook. That in itself MUST be an alarm bell. Oh why do I like this type?

He's the 'wrong man' because he's not interested in you. It's pretty basic.

You've been on match 6 months? That's not a long time you know - I've been on there 2.5 years!

And I'm not saying that like it's some kind of badge of honour but ... finding the right person for you takes time. When you are very young and looking for you love you look but you are also just living your life, doing things you enjoy, spending time with friends, having fun. When we have suffered the loss of a relationship we though would be for life - I don't know anything about you but your name implies you had a long term relationship you thought would be forever - sometimes we try too hard to replace it. And unfortunately we come across as too keen, too focussed on replacing what we have lost no matter who it's with and that can seem a little... desperate. Most people would say their ideal relationship would be with someone relaxed, fun, and that there relationship would flow without any pressure from either side. Are you in a place to be that kind of person right now? If not maybe you need to take a break from match and focus on doing some things you enjoy just for you. And see how much fin life can be even if you are a single posh mum

A man is nice to have but you can make yourself perfectly happy without one. And then you will be a woman every man will want to be around...

Ok. Let's think about the right man.

He's quite besotted by you. He thinks you're the bees knees. He sees you. etc etc...it's not stressful, it's exciting and fun, and you know where you stand. he really really likes you. You never feel like you're compromising your own standards or have to struggle in any way to live up to his.

The wrong man. Plays games, you wonder where you stand, if he still likes you, why he hasn't called for ages blah blah blah (notice the emotive difference between etc etc and blah blah blah ). You start doubting yourself, becoming slightly desperate that this one has to work out, or else no-one will want you and therefore your life will be ruined.

It's about YOU and how he makes you feel. Better or worse? Does he make your life easier or harder (not, calm or dramatic/exciting)?

He knows how to contact you. But he has a GF and told you about her. He's made it clear that he wants to be with her. He does like your attention but he's not the one for you.

He's probably not a bad bloke but you deserve a hell of a lot more than second hand attention.

Hes wrong because hes not interested!

And see how much fun life can be even if you are a single posh mum.