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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

tips for dealing with post date waiting to call awfullness.

126 replies

tookoolforskool · 04/01/2011 16:59

Date was yesterday, i think it went really well.

Ended up in pub for 3 hours. he asked if i wanted to stay for something to eat, but i sad i had to go ( as i did)

walked me to my car, i said it had been really nice to meet him, and he smiled and said, yes, that it had been really nice, and we should talk soon. Then he said he never knows what to say... so i gave him a hug and a pec on the cheek.

I was doing really well, going about my day, not thiking about it the whole time.

But now, im doing that keep checking my phone thing.

I did like him, i did fancy him and i would like to see him again.

So, tips are needed on staying cool and not getting into a tiss.

OP posts:
longweight · 04/01/2011 17:12

No advise but just to say I'm as bad and if he doesn't text by lunchtime I assume he's gone off me.

Then when the text comes in I feel ridiculously relieved.

Really I need to get a grip. Will be watching this for advise.

anothermum92 · 04/01/2011 17:21

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Original poster
tookoolforskool · 04/01/2011 17:24

he didnt text me till late ish sunday to do time/location for yesterday, and i know hes been at work etc.....

So, its perfectably fessiable and probably quite normal that ive not heard from him, its been less than 24 hours since the date ended, fgs.

but i still just checked my phone again.

I think its totally right, when someone says you always know when i guy is into you.

He was really interested before we met up, no doubt about that at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
tookoolforskool · 04/01/2011 17:25

a week????

a whole week????

OP posts:
MabelMay · 04/01/2011 17:27

Couldn't you text him - to say thanks for yesterday - had a great time, speak soon, type thing. Then hopefully he'll text back.

If you don't think you should text (altho' why not?) then try putting your phone on silent for a bit, maybe?

Also, don't forget men don't put as much emotional importance on text, tones of text etc. And for them it'd be pretty normal to wait a couple of days - until they felt they had something worth saying or something to arrange - before they'd text you.

I've no doubt if he had a nice time he'll be in touch soon. And then you'll feel silly for worrying. But he could equally, if he's slightly shy (he didn't know what to say, he could be... is he?) be waiting for you to text him, or hoping you might. After all, you're the one who said no to staying on longer at the pub. A text from you could give him the courage to suggest another date soon.

I would text. But that's me. good luck!

MabelMay · 04/01/2011 17:29

anothermum is right though too - if you're not willing to text him first, be prepared to wait a while. Although a week might be slightly pushing it... I'd say 4 days! MMx

BooBooGlass · 04/01/2011 17:32

Text him thanking him for a lovely time. You are both too old to play games and there's nothing wrong with textign first. I text my man when I arrived home from our first date as he told me to let him know I'd got back safely, and we haven't stopped talking since Grin. Honestly, if he waits longer than a day he's a numpty who should show you more respect.

Original poster
tookoolforskool · 04/01/2011 17:33

im not going to text him. I want to know if he is interested, if he is, then he will text/phone me. without any text prompting from me.

I dont think hes shy, just its that awkward, end of a first date thing. But i gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Doesnt that send a clear enough message?

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 04/01/2011 17:36

ut why wait? I really don't understand it. If you're sat by your phone then by god just text him! Would you really want to be with someone who makes you feel so insecure after just one date anyway?

amberleaf · 04/01/2011 17:38

'im not going to text him. I want to know if he is interested, if he is, then he will text/phone me. without any text prompting from me.'

What if hes thinking the same though???!!

MabelMay · 04/01/2011 17:39

tookool he's absolutely not going to be put off by you texting first and it will put you in control a bit. You're not making yourself appear too keen - you're just being grown up and polite - and showing confidence too I reckon.

I emailed (texting wasn't big back then) my now DP first. Made the first move, etc. I knew he was totally into me but knew I'd be waiting far too long if I kept waiting for him to initiate things. After the first few dates he then drove it all. Blokes just need the odd nudge.
Unless you're enjoying sitting by the phone waiting, in which case... you could be there a while.

Hopefully, though, he'll be in touch soon whatever. It's very early days. I don't agree with booboo that if he waits longer than a day he's a numpty! Grin

MabelMay · 04/01/2011 17:40

but i do agree with booboo re: why wait?

Hooker · 04/01/2011 17:40

Text him... then you can sit by your phone thinking "why hasn't he text me back?" just to make you feel even more ummm...arrrr about it all.

If he's interested he may not contact you until the day before he's ready to meet up again.

anothermum92 · 04/01/2011 17:43

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dogfish · 04/01/2011 17:49

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Original poster
tookoolforskool · 04/01/2011 17:57

dogfish. i do agree.

Its a bit rubbish that it is that way, but i do think that is the way it is.

Which is why i will not text him first. And if i dont hear from him, then he wasnt interested, and thats fine.

Its just the bloody waiting, and then you get into thinking about what did this mean, and maybe he meant that in a different way.

Its horrible,

OP posts:
MabelMay · 04/01/2011 18:01

dogfish - surely not?! So, if OP texts him and he texts back, he might only be doing it because she texted first but not because he fancies her? Surely opportunistic men would be just as likely to text first if they were just in it for a bit of sex...

I have to say, yes you're a bloke, but in my humble experience, who calls whom first and who texts whom first has never had a detrimental effect on the relationship if you're both into each other. It can just speed things up a bit if the bloke is laid-back, shy, uncertain of your feelings (which was case with me and DP in early days - he was chuffed to bits when I emailed him after our first 'date'. At least that's what he told me...). Dogfish I think you are doing blokes a disservice. But what do I know... I'm not a man.

Anyway, looks like OP has no plans to text first anyway.

quite depressed by dogfish's message.

fortyplus · 04/01/2011 18:02

Goodness me... why not text 'thanks for yesterday - sorry I couldn't stay for food Smile '

You may have been making an excuse to leave (I know you weren't). There's really no need to play these games - this is the 21st century!

Curiositykilledhaskittens · 04/01/2011 18:03

I agree with the people who say stop playing games. Good way to start a bad relationship IMO.

MabelMay · 04/01/2011 18:05

i totally a hundred percent agree with fortyplus.

tookool, it will also speed up you knowing whether he is or is not into you as if he doesn't respond to your text then you can sack him off. however, am pretty sure he'll love hearing from you and it will spur him into action. too agonising for you to be waiting indefinitely...

right. i think i've put in way more than my penny's worth.

again, good luck!

CeliaFate · 04/01/2011 18:10

Keep it brief, light and chatty. Text him - "thanks for yesterday, sorry I couldn't stay for food. Next time?" then it's up to him to make the date, you're just being polite (which you would be to a friend, not just a potential boyfriend).

dogfish · 04/01/2011 18:19

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Original poster
tookoolforskool · 04/01/2011 18:23

Im not expecting to hear from him now. I can see he has been back on the dating site this afternoon.

So, while its possible I may hear from him I think its unlikey.

Oh well

OP posts:
Remotew · 04/01/2011 18:39

Hi tookool, thought I would answer you on this thread. I wouldn't text him tbh. I have to say I agree with dogfish about the way men are and this is in my vast experience.

If he is really interested, you will hear from him soon. A week is too long but a couple of days is quite acceptable. I hope you hear from him soon.

Remotew · 04/01/2011 18:41

Oh sorry didn't read he's been back on the site, that's the trouble with internet dating isn't it. He might just have been checking messages but I can understand why you have lost heart.

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