tips for dealing with post date waiting to call awfullness.

[tookoolforskool]

Date was yesterday, i think it went really well.

Ended up in pub for 3 hours. he asked if i wanted to stay for something to eat, but i sad i had to go ( as i did)

walked me to my car, i said it had been really nice to meet him, and he smiled and said, yes, that it had been really nice, and we should talk soon. Then he said he never knows what to say... so i gave him a hug and a pec on the cheek.

I was doing really well, going about my day, not thiking about it the whole time.

But now, im doing that keep checking my phone thing.

I did like him, i did fancy him and i would like to see him again.

So, tips are needed on staying cool and not getting into a tiss.

ha. no. im not going to text him now.

Just coming back to this. How many men have you actually been on dates with? Are you averaging quite a few a month? I wonder how long you actually spend talkign to them before meeting up in person? You seem to have been able to organise another date incredibly quickly. WIth my dp, we talked for 2 or 3 weeks before meeting in person and in that time I got a pretty good idea of what kind of person he was. Tbh he would have had to cock up big time for me to not be interested after the first date. He has told me since that the way I type is exactly the way I am in rl, so it was like he already knew me. Thje same for him really, his wit and humour is probably what attracted me first. I am glad we took the time to get to know each other for a while before rushing into a date. I wonder if you are meeting people too soon after initial contact, or if there is something massively at odds about your profile with how you actually are? Just some food for thought.

I normally email and then text or IM for a good few weeks first.Sonmetimes its less, like this date sunday, but we have still been chatting for about 10 days.

Sometimes its been much longer, like a month/6 weeks or something.

Ive tried the meeting up really quickly and that doesnt work for me at all.

I too write as i speak, so there is nothing at odds with that and all my pictures are recent, like the last month or so.

The only thing i can think is im more curvey than some men must maybe think i am?

Or that its the men, maybe they are just dating lots and lots of people?

But isn't that what you're doing? Going on a lot of dates?
What do you mean by curvy? My friend has some very misleading photos of her on her profile, she has a very slim face, but in reality is pushing a size 20, so when she does go on dates the men are understandably taken aback a bit. It shouldn't matter but unfortunately if there is anything misleadign about your profile it will not get the date off to a good start. I don't know why she insists on still using the photos tbh as she always comes back from first dates sayign their face fell when they saw her, and she is bloody gorgeous.
I think you need ot be honest with yourself. How long have you been single, and what are you tryign to get out of dating? I had to wait almost 3 years before I felt ready to date, and when I did so I made sure it was on my terms tbh. This is the easiest, yet most mature relationship I've ever had. There is no gameplaying, and an amazing amount of honesty. I got myself to a place where I didn't need a man to make me happy and where I realise that I don't wctually need anyone at all. Once i was in a place where I could really appreciate myself, and tbh show myself some love and respect, and only then, was I in a good place to start a relationship.
What jumps out at me is that you seem to have organised the next date almost in retaliation, kind of a 'that'll show him' thing. That's not great at all. I wonder if you need to take a step back from datign for a while. Whatever you're lookign for has to come from yourself first [massive cliche emoticon]

If you like each other, or not as the case may be, does it matter if you meet up within a week, month or 6 months. Don't believe you can tell by the way someone types at all. As long as someone can string a sentence together and spell correctly, there isn't alot you can tell.

It's about many other factors that you cannot predict until you meet.

Boo, think you just got lucky really, if you hadn't met your DP you might have still been dating the wrong people.

Tookool, I have met men who tell me they have been put off if women are much larger than they expected. Depends on the man and what he prefers, of course, but I would put on full body shot on if I was anything but average weight and that goes for underweight as well.

Im not much larger. im a size 14.
I dont think that is that big.

Ive got my listing down as being curvey.

This other date was lined up already. In fact he asked me first, before this other guy.

I joined a paid dating site, im not only going to talk to one person at a time, that would be madness.

i dont need a man to make me happy, im happy on my own, i would quite like one though. Ive been single for 2.5 years.

I had taken a step back from dating, i havent dated anyone for about 4 months as i couldnt be bothered with it. I signed up to match ( my first paid site ive been on, in the hope that maybe they might be more serious as they have to pay) just after christmas.

Im not dating just anyone. i get asked out a lot more than i accept.

I think you got really lucky tbh.

No no I'm not trying to criticise, I am well aware that I hit the jackpot with dp. I just think you need to maybe take the initiative. How will you feel after the weekend if you get no test from this man either? Did you hear from the other guy? Havew you text him yet?

No. ive not text him and im not going to either.

hes back on the dating site with a new revamped profile, and new pictures. If he was interested he would contact me.

If i dont hear from this other guy, then its just back to the drawing board isnt it.

I dont think a size 14 is big, i think its adverage. But its the only thing i can think of.

I know im a quite chatty person, from talking to me, they know this. Im not shy, or quiet.

But you know what, im not going to change myself to fit in with someone. There is no point in that.

Size 14 is average, you are right. The ones who have mentioned getting a shock when the woman turns up have described them as obese!

Blind dating are like job interviews to me, the more you go on the better practised, thick skinned you become about the whole process. Job interviews are better though because the end product is something really worth having, with a bloke you never can tell .

Im not obese. i might be a bit chubby. But no worse than the adverage woman.

I do better at job interviews, ive never ever gone for a job and not got it, and ive had a lot of jobs. People usually love me.

Which is why i cant understand it really.

I weed out men who i think are blanket emailing. or ones that use text speak, or cant spell or string a sentance together.
They must have a job.
If they are wearing baseball hats, or have half naked pics, or posing pics i dont talk to them.
Anyone who calls me babe or hun ( or party girl)is out.
If they have nothing to say, or just ask me inane question after question, then they are out.

Anyone that just talks about drinking or getting drunk is out.

If they mention sex, or the possibility of sex, or ask for rude pics, they are out.

if they text or contact me 100 times a day, they are out.

if they ask if im on a date with someone else, they are out.

If they ask a ton of questions about my previous love life before we have met, then they are out.

So, by the time ive weeded out all the rubbish.... i dont know. its a bloody pain in the bum and very difficult to not get disheartnered with it.

I dont know where im going wrong really.

I have the opposite problem to BooBooGlass friend as far as body type is concerned. I have full body shots on my profile but the camera seems to add a few pounds on me, so I end up looking a bit curvier than I am. I'm a size 8 and whilst I go in and out in all the right places I'm not exactly what you would call um... hugely blessed.

A couple of men now have said that I'm slimmer in real life than I appear on my photos. One bloke said he was expecting a woman with a "Nigella Lawsonesque" type figure when in reality I'm more like a slightly curvier Kate Moss, and one bloke even said that he expected me to be 'bigger'. He was talking generally I think, but he did look straight at my chest when he said it!

But what can I do? It's just the way I photograph. I'm certainly not trying to mislead anyone. Gah, this whole online dating business can be such a minefield!

I'm glad you didn't text him, you did the right thing. Good for you. you instincts are great!

Size 14 is quite big, IMO, especially with sizes as generous they are now. What are you, 12 or 13 stone? What's your BMI?

I was a size 14 (weighing 13st 3; I'm 5' 6") but have gymmed/dieted myself down to a 10 (9st 7) and the difference it's made in men is astonishing. Really. I've always been chubby (around 11st) prior to this but if I'd known what a HUGE difference it made to how men seem to see me, and definitely to how they treat me, I'd have lost the weight years ago.

Really really really, I can't tell you.

I wouldn't go that far Beaut. Losing weight for anyone but yourself is a fools errand, it really is. Anecdotally though, I have spent most of my adult life as a 14 and was desperately self conscious and miserable. I was a 20 postnatally, and an 8 when very unwell with an ED. I'm a 10 now and for me it's about right. I do notice I am not so worried that people are looking at me when I'm out, I used to be convinced I was always the fattest in the room, and in that respect that's one of the things I did to prepare myself to get ready to date again- I made sure I was comfortable in my own skin, weight and body included. I am still mortified at the state of my stomach, but there's nothing I can do about that. At a 14 I was about 12 stone and I hope I won't be that again. But I wouldn't say my man is with me as I'm a size 10, and I wouldn't be with anyone who thought liek that anyway, as if we ever did have children, I swell up like a balloon.

im never going to be thin. Ive been a size 10 once and i didnt eat for 3 months to get there. I could be a size 12 and it is something im workig on.....

But really, isnt it a bit sad that that is what it basically boils down to.
That nothing else really counts for anything? Also bearing in mind im not 18 and neither are they.... they might be a bit more grown up???

But im not shy about being a size 14, i dont feel self conscienous about it, i think i look pretty damn good. In fact, id rather people were looking at me, im not one to want to blend in really.

Anyway, man on sunday has on his profile that he likes curvey and full figured women. maybe i might stand more chance there.

oh and im 11 stone.
BMI is 26.5

So not wildy over.

Is this not sort of like saying ' only thin people are allowed to have lives and feelings, if you have a bit of fat, either get lost, or dont bother'

Maybe he just didn't feel a strong enough connection?

With me the deal breaker is men turning up two inches shorter than they have said, I just don't fancy smaller men in general.....

How about you email him and ask? It's the only way you are going to find out. Tell him you don't mind if he's brutally honest...

That's if you are prepared to hear what he has to say......

I think some of the others have hit the nail on the head, he might just be emailing loads of women?

"have gymmed/dieted myself down to a 10 (9st 7) and the difference it's made in men is astonishing."

• I am shocked to buggery at that! Really I am.

Not at you saying it, beautiful, but at it being your experience.

ah. im not fussed about him now.
I dont really care.Ive already decided it was because he was intimidated by me. He said he was embarassed by his job as its not what he wanted to do, and how his life has turned out, as he is no where near where he thought he would be. I made all the reassuriing, interesting, understanding noises, but then it comes up in conversation that ive lived in several different contries, and done this, and this and this... and hes still stuck in the town he was born.

So actually, probably no match there really.

eventually someone will like me for me, not because ive gone on a diet, or like a certain film, or whatever.

its bollocks. i wouldnt want to be with someone who only wanted to be with someone becase of how they look. Thats just going to be a disaster. Though i would say im above adverage attractivness. I dont care for people like that.

I am shocked to buggery at that! Really I am

So am I! But it's true.

Gawd no, don't email him and ask for feedback I wouldn't do this if I didn't get a job let alone no second date.

Kool, I've been on match twice and found it a pile of pish both times. I know what you mean about weeding out the dross as well, by the time you've blocked the text speakers, the guys who post pics of their cars, the ones you address you as 'hunny', the ones who send you messages that just say 'hi', the ones that message you despite having stated they don't want to date anyone with kids, etc etc, there's not much left.

I think you have to come to terms with the meat market factor if you want to continue. I haven't so I've deleted myself! If you even suspect that your pics are not truly representative then the men you meet will notice that too. Get a friend to come over and take a load of new shots.

I'm taking a break from it all but I won't be signing up with match again. I didn't meet anyone I truly clicked with, and that was in six months, and I always cracked on and met up quite quickly so you couldn't say I prevaricated.

Maybe you are on the wrong site too?

Beautiful (ha) - that's just complete slaver - I hope you realise that?

What the men are attracted to is your self confidence you dizzy body Nazi!

Only arseholes need their women to be textbook thin - most men don't actually give a shit so long as your not a completer lard arse. Size 14 is a great size for a woman who has had kids, and is no longer in the first flush of youth to be. It's tits and ass and suggestive of woman who knows what she enjoys.

YOU think you have to be a size 10 because that's what the magazines say - and yep there are men out there that think you have to be a size 10 because that's what the magazines say too - you are all dumb asses with hang up and welcome to each other!

Long live good health, shagging and CAKE!

I'm sure you'll find someone lovely. I am. You sound great! Good luck on your next date.

dont worry. im not going to do that. how awful, and desperate would that look.

If he didnt like me, then he didnt. Getting feedback and then changing my personality is not somethign im going to do.

Ever.

Im not shocked at that, its what ive thought all along. Its also most likely the truth.
Sad though isnt it.

What the men are attracted to is your self confidence you dizzy body Nazi!

Ha ha! My favourite quote ever!!