The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Into 2011!

[Mouseface]

Hello and a Happy New Year!

I'm Mouse, one of the passengers on this wonderful journey to sobriety!

We are a real mixed bunch of people, all trying to control or give up the booze - ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Come meet the others.........

And here are the previous threads, the journeys so far

If you can draw, maybe you should draw yourself the ideal man

Sorry he wasn't your thang lovely! x

we don't have a credit card, a cheque book or an overdraft facility. We got into a mess some years ago when I had my own business which didn't work out and we were almost declared bankrupt. We have a repayment agreement with our creditors to avoid this - 6 year plan, 18 months to go - and thus a bank account which was initially cash only but now allows us a debit card for good behaviour!So, no credit. Every penny, EVERY penny is accounted for. We survive, that is all. Now DH has been told to take a 10%paycut or redundancy. he has a history of mental health problems,including depression and clinical paranoia. Warning signs are that he is "going off on one"again. I have told him that if he doesn't get medical help I will not pick up the pieces this time.
DS wants a DSI for his birthday at the end of the month-he wanted one for Christmas but didn't get it as we couldn't afford one. The DCs are very good on the whole - the teen DDS don't have laptops, iphones,designer gear and they understand.(I have just found out that DD2 - a very talented singer - has been asked to attend music camp this Easter to represent her school,but she hid the letter in her schoolbag because it is £200 and we can't afford it).But DS is 8 and wants things. He is quite a shy,lonely kid with someOCD and behavioural stuff going on- he loves to bake and talks to the flowers in our garden because "they must get lonely out there" . Hell,where am I going with this....anyway, he said tonight he wants a DSI because "I just want to be like the others" and i see him going to school in his hand me down coat and his trousers with the let-down hem marks on and I don't want him to be like that kid in "about a Boy" where all the other kids laugh at him....I'm going to shut up now.sorry.

FFS Ma

Can't you get any help? Tax Credits/Working Tax Credit for DH?

Do you know what? Saying 'I'm really sorry but we have no money to buy you that sweetheart' is heart wrenching.

It is NEVER easy to deny your children whay they desire.

I wish that I could help you. I can short term, be happy to. I just want a long term solution for you and your family.

It hurts when DD is hiding letters from you, asking about school trips that will cosst money. I've been there too.

Ma - what can you do? Are you UK based? The CAB could help you sort out a different repayment plan to any creditors, you may be entitled to benefits you haven't though of.

PLEASE don't let this swallow you up.

Your DCs need you, as does DH. I should imagine that he feels pretty guilty right now about the job situation.

Please, if I can help, let me know.

Hugs to you xxx

I completely get where you are coming from Ma. My kids don't have all the material 'trappings' because I can't afford them. Apart from a holiday to Canada, in which my parents paid for, all our holidays are camping. Thing is if you buy a DSI so that he feels that he fits in with everyone else then in a few months it will be something else (not meaning it will be him asking for them as he seems to understand money doesn't grow on trees from what you have said) that all his friends have the latest of. MOst children don't notice whether other kids clothes are hand me downs like an adult would anyway. And don't feel sorry for feeling this way, like I said earlier you have alot on your plate so vent here when you need to- I know I do

Oh Mouse, thank you.We are Uk based but don't get any tax credits for two reasons: they say they overpaid us a few years back which we challenged but they send us reams of stuff i don't understand so now they don't pay us anything as they are clawing back what we "owe". Also when it comes to financial help, we are asked to do an income and expenditure thing which we do, but they don't count our debt repayement so on paper it looks as if things are ok. Our arrangement is with Payplan and they have been absolutley wonderful- better than CAB - and literally life-savers! Most of our creditors have been ok except First Direct who are threateing us with court etc and are heartless,aggressive TWUNTS - all for the vast sum of £350!!
I've been living like this for a while but this threat to DH's low wages is the last straw. We try so hard to work and earn a living and pay our way,but we just can't do it anymore. I simply cannot ask the family for yet more help, I'm too ashamed.
I might ask them to chip in for a DSI for DS birthday if they haven't already chosen something for him.it's just getting through this next week or so that's the challenge. i have emptied our loose change pot (with a knife and tweezers- necessity is the mother of invention) and got another £20 so that will get me some petrol. I've just.....had enough really.sniff

Ma - just skimming your post but First Direct are notorious for this. If you are making the minimum pyments required, they have no reason to take you to court.

And, in the long run, it will cost them more.

I'm going to PM you. Breathe my lovely, breathe. xx

OK, ma first thing is, breathe, breathe, stop being in a panic. You have done all the right things. you have some money, and you have found another £20 - that gives you a little bit of space.

Your idea about asking people to chip in for DS1's birthday is good - for many realtions it is difficult to know what to buy, and a helpful suggestion is always good.

Are there any other ways that all of you as a family could bring in some extra money? When I was young we used to dress highland dolls like this - my Mum did the difficut 'sewing the kilt' thing, and we added the sporran and the glued the jacket and put on the frilly lace. I don't think I ever realised how poor we were. thins have probably moved on, but maybe there is some homeworking that you can do like this.

Oh Ma. I didn't know what a DSI was, but just looked it up and they are seriously not cheap.. my DC are a bit younger, so we haven't really hit that phase yet (they are 6 and 5).. Even on Ebay they seem still to be full price.

You have £57 - other than food and some petrol, what else do you need money for between now and 23rd?

I "wobbled" a bit last night, I knew it was a night I was allowed to have a drink as per my and DH's rules... but we had a bit more than we should have done .

Anyway, today is a new day, we are off to Panto (MIL's treat for her grandchildren) and back to PIL's for supper. They will have wine out, so I may have one glass with the meal (and that is only really so the rest of the family don't say OOOO, Anon isn't drinking, she must be pregnant as that is the only time they have seen me stop and they will speculate!) but after that I am back on track.

Have a good day, Babes.

Hi - new poster here. Just thought i'd stick my oar in and suggest that ma revisits tax credits. You may wish to speak to CAB. I thought that even if there is an overpayment of tax credits, they had to leave you with a minimum amount and couldn't claw back the whole amount. Might not do any harm to look into this again. Have been following all of the threads and find the support useful even though have only been lurking. Have stopped and started a few times over the last year, most recently on 1 Jan. A day at a time!

morning everyone!

ma!, you poor old thing!, i would suggest you go and make an appointment at the benefits office, i think you are proberbly entitled to some things you may not not about - as to dds school trip, i know its bloody awful to ask, but you should speak to the school, most schools have a 'hardship' fund for students so that they dont miss out on trips, i think it is also worth remembering that right now you are most definatly not the only family to be struggling and that there is no shame in having to ask!

btw, welcome soda!! nice to meet you!

Ma I have PM'd you

Ma - how are you feeling today lovely? I've PMd an update to you. I agree with soda that you need to speak to tax credits again, and go to CAB. xx

soda - hello

morning babes and blokes
I have been staggered at the support I have been shown by you all. I cannot express - well not without bursting into floods of tears - what all your pms and kind offers have meant. You know who you are and that you took the trouble to contact me and offer various types of support is overwhelming. I don't feel so alone anymore. I managed to wangle another £10 from someone, so I have enough to get to 23rd in terms of food and, hopefully petrol. If you use the card payment pumps at Asda it will let you fill up even if you only have £1 showing in credit, so can fall back on that if I need to by the weekend.I have DDs bus fares and lunches covered, so think I'll be ok.Once i get paid at month end I will do a re-budget and see if there is anythign else i can trim. At least the drink budget has been slashed
You are wonderful, wonderful people. I love pissheads people with drink problems. it makes you so understanding.
thank you from the bottom of my heart.
m

Ma - ebay has a brand new DSi in pink for £13 BUT you can by new covers, there's aa black one with rainbow stars for £3.50.

Would that be dooable?

When's his birthday?

I was thinking about the earning extra money line and wondering if there was something you could take on that DS could help you with and thus earn himself some pocket money to save for treats, eg dog walking, leafleting, evening paper delivery. When I was very hard up I did yellow pages delivery and an ironing service, I involved the kids by taking them with me for the deliveries for chat and fresh air walks, and supervising homework or listening to story CDs while I ironed.
Just ideas, take or leave, meh

ma you could also think about re nogotiating any repayment plans. It must be so frustrating as you are obviously committed to repaying any debts and many others don't show that level of responsibility, so it'sa good example that you are setting to your children. Definitely seek more advice - a fresh pair of eyes looking at the situation objectively may make all the difference. I am not trying to be flippant, but you are obviously a very loving and loved mother who is doing a good job of raising her children with principles - so hold on to the positives..

Off to bed Brave Babes but wanted to check in and say I hope you are all okay tonight.

Sleep well xx

Hope everyone has had a good weekend. We were out for a meal tonight, 4 of us and not an alcoholic drink between us. I just can't imagine how I would have reacted to that a year ago.

Hey campers

Still around - just not able (dd/brother/dp) to get on line much - also hammering aa meetings - takes up all my time around work and breathing.

hi to any new babes - sorry I can't be much use at the moment but take a ticket and get on the bus x

Big Big love to you lot, and you know who you are.

Bed calling

someone give gerald a hug from me - He will be feeling deeply lonely - poor hunk of metal - a wash and a spruce up will sort him out!!!

Back soon as I can be

Love you all xxx

Ma - just read back and I can only offer this - my DD has a DS ( old version) that I could send to you - it works - but unfortunately it is pink....- she has a new one now so no problem - except it would be second hand and pink - not good for a boy!!

Anyhow if you want it, it is yours - PM me your address and will sent it tomorrow.

I know that it would be probably worse than nothing to an 8 (?) yr old boy. Pride and all that.

If you want it, tell me and it will be in the post tomorrow.

xxxxx

Good morning everyone,

Well, a very busy weekend for me, and a very busy weekend on here too!

What a fabulous lot of people you all are.

Ma, a bit late in the day I know, but, FWIW:

I would speak to the school re: DDs trip, they usually have some sort of contingency fund for children, especially if they're gifted, and especially if they are representing the school. Also, they are very discreet about these things.

If you get stuck this week, the benefits office can make "one off" payments in times of hardship, it might be worth looking into, just to tide you over, until you have explored the other avenues.

I hope this hasn't offended you at all, you probably know it all already, if I think of anything else, I'll let you know. xxx

Have a good day all, off to work now.
Wasindie are you ok honeybunch?
Hope Nemo had a good night Mouse
See you later. xx

Oops, just noticed that I've said the same thing as JWN, as you were

Silver - thank you, but another kindly soul is helping me out with the DSi thing but thankyou so much for theoffer.
Thruso, thank you for your thoughts,and to everyone else.
today is another day

Good morning all,

Just been catching up and it was lovely to read all the messages of hope and support to ma. Almost made me feel weepy to be honest! Am feeling a bit rough today as I had a few drinks yesterday, not loads but I have no tolerance these days. Or maybe I just notice the hangovers more!!

Morning, have reached Day 17, and the strange part is that I have been on more social outings in the last couple of weeks than I have been in years, was at a Christening yesterday and drank diet coke while all around me people were drinking their own body weights:):)