Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

goo-thats good i am going to write that down on a piece of paper "he does not want you etc" and everytime i feel like i want to beg/plead i will read that,it is right we are just waiting for our heads to catch up with the place where theirs are,detached.
An such a hugeeeeeeeeee techno phobe i am crapping myself about him getting the cable cut off and having to sort that and internet out that i will not try to do a link but a bit of mary j blige is always uplifting/strong woman.

Fairy get the cable turned off and get a prepaid dongle from tmobile- think it was £35 for 3 months- bargain and dont have to tie yourself in with a contract

You are doing really well Fairy- i was in a state of shock for weeks after and wouldnt admit to myself let alone anyone else that our marriage was in trouble, imn sure that in a few weeks you will start to feel better, much love xx

ok will have a look at that crazee,we still have not sorted out who is paying what ,as most of our bills come out of his account at the begining of the month so am waiting for that stress next week.To be honest its probably the wine giving me strength but he probably is right,it probably is for the best,i think i will be happier in the long term.I have been quite down for the last year because i have been so disapointed with myself and the situation i ended up in all the things i said " i would never stand for that etc" were in my life,he had become violent towards me ,his behaviour towards our ds2 was totally out of line,i think i was just staying with him for an easy life as with my mum dying i just needed some stability.I dont think i have really faced up to it as so far only our families and 2 sets of friends know,i am enjoying the xmas enforced hibernation and will probably be in a state next week facing the music.as for music am enjoyin annoying the kids clicking on yr links whilst they are trying to watch tv.

Good song choices Crazee - lovn' it!
Fairy - your marriage sounds a lot like mine was. My exh left me even tho I begged him to stay but thank god he did - I think I would have been close to death now (not a joke) with his behaviour and he also was bad with the kids. He is actually a much better ex husband than he ever was husband. My trouble has been that after a year on my own I decided to date again and I've had two let downs - the last one finished about a month ago after a year. Think I've just not worked hard enough on my self esteem since the abusive marriage and have fallen into pleasing a man and not heeding warning signals. I'll tell you about facebook bard in a minute! It sounds quite comical (and I guess it is) but I've been really heartbroken and vowed never to get myself into this situation again. I'm going to learn to put myself first this year and see my own self worth when it comes to men and life in general :)

Yes i agree 2011 is for my and my dds, i cant be bothered with men. I guess i lost myself in my marriage and need to find me again...

Happy new year everyone - well done on keeping it going this eve. i wanted to come and join but throat is killing me & feeling really poorly. Off to bed now.
Much strength, love and happiness for 2011 my feloow dumplingettes xx

Good choice - love it.
Ok - quick synopsis on my part. Divorced for 3 years. Two years ago decided to try internet dating. After one disaster, met facebook bard - peniless musician with dope habit (I know) 2 kids (obviously couldn't afford maintenance) living in the wilds, which I loved. Got on really well, all our kids met each other, he kept saying how he wanted us to be together forever, loved all his friends and became part of his little community. But I would have had to give up my job and house and move to be with him as he was never going to leave the little life he had. Anyway, lost the one job he had in the summer and he became a bit more distant and my kids didn't really like him (they wanted me to themselves I think and found it hard to get on with his kds). But every time I went there he was lovely, we had a great time. Our anniversary in October and he bought me presents and a card which said "You were in my head now you are in my heart please stay there forever" then he said he had never loved anyone like he loved me (not since the mother of his kids) and would really like it if we could be together for years to come and live with each other eventually. I was quite overwhelmed and said that would be great, I loved him too but we had to take things slowly as I would have to move my whole life and kids to be with him. He said he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't get very scared and it would all go wrong but he wanted us to be together. Then we went to a party and his exgf was there (I knew her by that time) and he gave her a birthday present and it was the same thing he's got me for our anniversary - he declared to everyone that he's got a job lot! Then 6 weeks later he phoned to say he didn't know what to do, he's mentally turned off ourrelationship during the summer but he wouldn't finish it because he was still thinking. Then he put a song on his fb wall called "I don't Know what to Do" all about me, for people to "like" with a cheerful message saying "New song from me". So I phoned him and said I would drop his xmas presents off when he was at work and he got really angry and said "That makes me look so selfish" so I was hanging on again, until finally I phoned him and said it was intolerable and we finished. So then he puts another song on facebook called "The Key" again all about me saying "You're sweet enough you know you are but sometimes I need more". I was mortified. THEN he private messages me the song and at the top it shows that he's sent it to five of his friends and north east recording studio! The final straw was that my exh suggested I look on the dating website and sure enough, within 4 days of us finishing he was back on there with his profile updated saying "I'm doing ok now but I haven't had a companion in 5 years". I was so angry. Every girlfriend he's had has lasted a year exactly. He then phoned me crying, saying that noone in his village liked him because he had dumped me and one of his friends had ranted at him for having commitment issues, which he said wasn't true. He said that he was upset because he was going to grow old alone and we were still friends weren't we and perhaps he should have all of his exes round for a dinner party, there were so many of them. I said that the only thing that hurt (he doesn't know I know about the dating site) was that he had declared his undying love whilst knowing that it was over and his response was "Well, it was nice at the time, wasn't it?"
The mind truly boggles. And I've been heartbroken over this twat...

Oh no BOTG! Happy new year lovely.
Sorry everyone. Realised that last post was a huge rant

One word googoo, WANKER!!! Remind me to give internet dating a miss xx

Well am off to sleep, have turned phone on silent and hope to sleep through the night.
Onwards and upwards, things have gotta get better- Happy New Year everyone xxx

googo,oh dear he sounds a character,love the exs dinner party .bloody men

Lol I know! And tbh I'm NEVER doing internet dating again because I was so shocked that he'd lied on his profile about having no girlfriends. He is outwardly a really nice, personable man, it's just he has a very funny attitude I think to relationships. And it makes me think that lots of people are lying on these websites. I'm so bloody honest myself that I'm very naive about liars. And I've beaten myself up so much about it. Was I too sweet, too undemanding? Was I a complete doormat? Why can't I keep a man? Also this books I'm reading says that there is always one person who is mentally over the relationship before the split - but I don't think this excuses his keeping it going for four months AND going through the anniversary thing. I've really wanted to rant at him and tell all his friends but there's no point. I have completely detached - no contact at all, although he has texted me because he really wants to be friends. This is only so that people will think "Ah, she's visiting him so she must be cool with the situation and not hurt by him" in other words - he wants to be friends to make him look nice to HIS friends. And do you know, after everything that went on in my marriage, this just seems very teenaged. He was in a lot of ways like a 17 year old 45 year old man. Sigh.
So now I'm taking time for myself, learning to love myself more so that I don't just accept scraps in a relationship and so that I can eventually find serenity and peace without feeling I have to have a man. And it's actually working already :)

Happy New Year to all! LOvely photos -Googoo

and Pink - Thank God for this thread and lovely ladies is right!

I hope for a great 2011 for us all xx

Happy New Year Crazee. Nice to have you in our little band x

night crazee,happy new year everyone x x

Haha! Yes, fairy, a "character". Funny, he was the complete opposite to my alpha male exh, who is very geordie and aggressive and yet both of them were complete narcissists. I think if I like myself more I won't always go for men that I have to prove myself to, or feel grateful that I'm with them. I'll learn to appreciate a nice kind fella who is going to treat me well :)

Hi Mumfun! Happy New Year! I'm glad I'm spending it with you lot. Sorry to have gone on I thought I'd be weeping by now but I must be stronger than I thought...

i think i will be destined to be single as a mum of 4 i really cant see anyone being intrested,am overweight(but this will change) and really cant see anything intresting about myself.BUTTTTTTTT at least if i make sure i do a great job with the kids they will see being on yr own is not that bad and they will never put up with the crap i have in fear of being on their own.

Fairy my love you have been in a shit relationship that has brought you down in so many ways. You will regain your self esteem this year and if you concentrate on yourself and love yourself others will love you too. Weight doesn't come into it. I'm skinny and I've been dupmed 3 times - once by exh, twice by men after that, all of whom fell out of love with me. I've also felt that there's nothing interesting about me but there is and there is with you too. We are all just getting on with our lives - that's interesting enough, epsecially with 4 kids! You're doing a grand job you know. I admire you, knowing whatI do about your situation x

ok off to see in the new yr with the older 2 dc who have managed to stay up,thank you all for looking after me the last few days although i have done a few silly things its nothing to what i could have done without all your support.So heres to 2011 and hoping it brings us all lots of health,joy and happy times !!!

Happy New Year fairy! :)

hi all - happy new year. Only managed to stay out until 11.30 as I was so tired and frankly Worthing leaves a lot to be desired on New Year unless karoake (sp?) is your thing - but at least I disrupted the fuckwit's eve a bit.

Knackered so off to bed - when I got back I spent midnight just looking at my dd in her cot promising her a great 2011 whatever happened - it's my only resolution. Big hugs all round -

hi all - happy new year. Only managed to stay out until 11.30 as I was so tired and frankly Worthing leaves a lot to be desired on New Year unless karoake (sp?) is your thing - but at least I disrupted the fuckwit's eve a bit.

Knackered so off to bed - when I got back I spent midnight just looking at my dd in her cot - better than fireworks any day

Big hugs all round

oh for God's sake that'll teach me to type in the dark