Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

Happy birthday crazee !

Go Kate, Go Kate, Go Kate!

I love those days were you feel as though your coping, everything seems just that little bit rosier.

Happy Birthday Crazeeeeeeeeee

For those having trouble with the tax credits, I had to do mine 6 months ago and I got a very nice lump sum as I had been underpaid, I hope this happens to you.

If it does, you MUST go out and buy yourself a killer outfit or heels. Something to give you another little lift.

From 'Cheating: 12 ways to spot if your man is straying'

He has a lower IQ than you

Earlier this year, a study by Dr Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist from the London School of Economics and Political Science, revealed the smarter a man is, the less likely he is to cheat on his partner.

Just confirms everything I thought! :)

LOL Kate. Love it

Real dumpling song I reckon.

My DD is bouncing on the bed doing air guitar to this right now...

Hi all.
Feeling irrationally panic stricken today.
I've answered two questions though. Why did he betray me for so long and why did he involve ds - because he is a bad person. Simple.
Why he had an affair in the first place is almost irrelevant to me now.
I feel so alone inside. So terribly lonely. Wish my head would stop spinning.
Just want to feel indifference.
Hope you're all feeling a bit better than me today. Can't stand these dark evenings and mornings.

That's right LC and sometimes bad things happen to good people. Nothing you could have done to prevent it. I hope that realising he is a bad person helps a bit.

These men are selfish, it always helps me to know that my ex was not thinking about ME or our dc at all. He was thinking purely about himself - we did not figure in his thoughts...he was not wondering or caring about the impact of his behavior on us. He was attending to HIS own wants and needs.

I think a lot of men are simply not wired to care for their kids in the same way we are. They think about themselves, every thought, every action, every lie and every truth is done to suit them.

You are feeling blue today LC and that's ok, we all have up and down days on here don't we? I am reaching through the laptop, making you a cuppa and giving you a big hug.

Well, today I have cleared out the house of all his clothes. I wanted to do it sooner but wanted the kids ok on it first as I didnt want to upset them as it's the last of what they have left of Daddy.

They were fine with it, so they are all in bags now, waiting to be collected on Monday where I will be paid for them, and his wardrobe has now been converted to something in which I hang my maxi dresses in with out them being crumpled on the hangers.

Asked MIL if she wasnt the family album back, which has photos of HER grandparents in, and the christening dress which she would like to keep in the family. So those have been put to one side for her.

I think that is the last of his stuff. Apart from a few odds and sods like spare sockets, lightswitches and tools which I am keeping, all evidence of him has gone from this house.

It wasnt very nice, packing all the clothes he left behind. The very nice leather jacket, the suit he wore when we had DD christened, but hey ho. Life goes on.

Hey LC, it does get easier.

Soon you will too tired to care, and the feeling that you have the control of the remote and you can cuddle up on the sofa and watch what YOU want does make the nights a little easier.

I know what you mean about the lost feeling in the evenings - that is horrible.

Thanks Kate. I've drunk that cuppa, it was lovely.

Just need some strength to get through this last bit. I feel more weepy, sad and desolate than I can remember for a long time. I always thought that something would happen to prove to me that he was a good person after all. I've gone from not believing he could do this to realising that he has done all this, even to his own flesh and blood. I feel so bad about it for ds. I'm having to face up to the truth. It hurts like hell.

I needed that hug so much.

Hi, Ipom.
At least I don't have to watch Sky Sports any more. He would watch the football and then when it was finished, and only when, hand me the remote control and say, you can watch what you want now. Big deal.
I've just got this idea that he is out there, relieved to be shot of me and his family responsibilities. I know he loves ds but he just wants the easy bits - playing on the xbox, taking him to football, going out for a meal. So, so sad.
I think I would like to know that one day I will cuddle up on the sofa with someone else. XP and I never did that. He had an armchair, Jim Royle style.

Lc read UR post back .....he just wants the easy bits......
Course he does he just wants to act like a teenager ,its to be pitied ,he didn't grow ,a bit like his Dick.
Course u will meet someone ,this too shall pass. Walk the dog and eat cake ,book a spa treatment ,nourish urself,UR in shock re UR man.just try and roll with it but protect urself from Mr sleaze x

Hi all -

Just wanted to show my face - found the weekend a bit hard - bit lonely. Went to the park on saturday and saw a few Dc with their Dads and felt sad. Thought 'bet they walked out on their kids too and are doing the cool weekend Dad bit'. Then I thought 'maybe they're giving mum a break and just being great Dad's'. Both options left me sad for different reasons.

Then went to see XH's friend on sat night for a chat - just wanted to talk to someone who knew H and also get a man's POV. Ended up getting tipsy and kissing him. He's even more messed up than H and, although it was only a kiss, I feel annoyed with myself! Wanted an ego boost at the time but it has sort of left me more sad. Cos it wasn't who I wanted to kiss and I know he's just taking advantage cos I was there. And cos I know he's a total fuck up but I went there anyway!!

LC - there are days it hurts. The truth does hurt. Think we all identify with that. The truth they weren't who we hoped they were. kate and patience are right- they all just want the easy bits - they're unrealsitic and selfish - they will never be happy like we WILL be.

mole - well done with the clothes. That must've been a tough thing to do. Am stealing myself for that day!

Hi all
5 days till broadband back on, cant wait then i can post till my hearts content :o and get rid of this stupid dongle (i live at the bottom of a dip so signal crap)

Bring - when ever i see any dad doing anything with their DC it makes me sad as all my DC's dad does is sit indoors with them and watch them play :( its always been that way, even if i organised family days out he would ruin it by complaining the entire time (won a weekend in legoland once and he completely ruined it, had me in tears and DC slept in bed with me, if it hadnt been for the fact he drove (i cant drive yet)i'd have told him to f* off)

The more i think about our relationship the more i see how shit it was and wonder why i put up with it for so long, i tried to end it on numerous occasions and he always begged to stay saying he loved me and didnt want to lose me, even the week before final split he was spouting the same shite then a sudden turn around and now he says he hasnt loved me for about 7 years

The only question i would like an answer from him about is why bother begging to stay if as he claims he didnt love me, other than that i dont give a crap any more, i'm actually enjoying being on my own and not having the feeling of dread over what his mood is going to be hanging over me (except during visits of course)

Yesterdays visit he was sat on the sofa rubbing my leg with his foot, i got up and moved then a bit later i had DD on me knee and she was playing with his hand so his hand was resting on my leg then when she finished playing he left it there, i waited a few minutes then got up and moved, i wanted to cringe away but didnt want to draw DC's attention to my discomfort, i hope he does try something again cause i will take great pleasure in telling him i dont love him anymore and he makes my skin crawl

Sov what a difference in you I cant believe it thats wondeful you are really detaching now. You said that stunt he pulled a while ago was a turning point and it was

Happy birthday Crazee!

Evenings are weird, aren't they? The house feels very quiet and empty when the dcs are in bed, and I don't even really know where the time goes - it seems to be midnight before I realise. I used to cook dinner for both of us (don't bother for me...), watch tv and be in bed by 11. Mystifying.

I have to say one of the better aspects of this situation is the absence of Sky Sports and football in general from my TV. I glanced at the sports section over the shoulder of someone on the way to work and saw my ex's team won yesterday. Time was when I would have been expected to engage in a long debate about the tactics, the player selection and the ref's decisions. Not any more

Re: evenings, my ex used to download loads of good tv and films for us to watch every evening.

My girls are still pains in the butt at bedtime! Bunkbeds, gerbils in their room and intense sibling rivalry - so by the time I've done PJs, teeth, bedtime stories...and littlest one has been out of bed 8 or 9 times and then they are either giggling with eachother or arguing till way past the time they should be asleep...by the time they are quiet....I am so glad for the peace.

I stick the TV on, but always have my laptop on my knee and I chat on Twitter, FB and post on MN, sometimes texting my gal pals.

This really helps me - I hate watching telly without someone next to me to chat about it with...so all these outlets help me out.

I get to sleep eventually but never sleep through...so usually up for an hour at about 4.30am...don't know why.

Everything is such a new routine - I guess it's just getting used to it.

No more bravo or Dave LOL
No more baddest maddest [saddest] car chase action ,no more Vietnam films .

Happy Birthday Crazee . You coming out tonight?

Mole - I should be getting a fair bit of back tax credits and will use it to get a few bits of interviews (or work if I get the one I have an interview for on Friday). Well done on the clothes, I know how hard it is. I packed ex's stuff up a couple of days after we split and got his mum and brother to collect it all because I just couldn't bear to be surrounded by all his shit any longer.

I'm also absolutely loving no more football, wrestling, UFC and bloody Buffy on tv, nore more rubbish gangster films and I will never again have to endure his crappy taste in music. No more having to listen to all his beepy Drum and Bass nonsense every time he's had a few drinks!

I am looking forward to new True Blood on Friday night (yeah, my social life rocks), but I think I'll feel a bit sad because we always use cuddle up on the sofa and watch that together :(

Urgh I hate drum and bass

IPom - Well done on bagging up the stuff, it's very hard. Big big milestone.

Oh Sov horrid how he's so touchy feely still. Especially considering everything he's put you through. Is he out of touch with reality or what?

Happy Birthday Crazee.

LC - hope you are feeling a little stronger this evening. I think it will take a long time to come to terms with the depth of lies and deceit they have fed us. We were trusting partners who only gave love and cared for them and they just casually tossed it aside for cheap thrills and with women with loose morals.

Happy birthday Crazee

LC wave for you, chin up you fine lady

Hugs for all