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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

931 replies

Teaandchristmascakeplease · 29/12/2010 19:03

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Smile Sad Angry [shocked]

OP posts:
crazeeladeeuk · 09/01/2011 19:41

Hi Tea, i see what your saying, though I actually celebrated my bday early today with dds inviting PILs for a birthday tea and cake as im at work until late tomorrow. He is an absolute idiot and told MIL today that he didnt know whether it was over, hes either dilusional or a coward. Your right i am too good for him, i know that. I was doing so well this week throwing myself back into work and routine, when i found out about this it threw me. Well im taking control of the situation now and getting my things back from the house, we have only a few ties now that i am working on tackling in my time xx

Patienceobtainsallthings · 09/01/2011 19:52

Crazee did u close the joint account

Teaandcakeplease · 09/01/2011 19:52

Oh no that must've made the day awkward and much harder Sad Terrible timing by him.

crazeeladeeuk · 09/01/2011 19:54

Hi Patience, the joint account cant be closed down as it requires both signatures and he seems in no rush to do this. I will have to contact the bank and have my name removed though, if they will do this.

Bermiegirl · 09/01/2011 20:03

Hi ladies
So today, my ex takes the DC's out for the afternoon, when he tells them that he has "dumped" the OW. He also tells them that, and I quote " I bought you presents for Xmas, and you haven't bought me anything! This, despite the fact I spoke to him about it before Xmas and suggested that we each give the DC's £10 to buy a present for us, but he said no. So when he drops the DC's off I asked if he minded me going out when he comes to visit tomorrow night, at which point he replied no probs, it's not like I'm going anywhere - obviously wanting me to ask what was up. I did not! I do not want the taunt back here, criticizing me, and the DC's for everything. I just speak with a calm manner to him, and don't get involved in any of his rants as they are not my problem anymore, unless he upsets the DC's that is!

Patienceobtainsallthings · 09/01/2011 20:10

Yes but u can withdraw the money and put it in another account in UR own name ,remember so can he .

KateonMN · 09/01/2011 20:11

Ex hasn't responded to my email re Child support. He has also not rang the girls to say goodnight. Littlest one is asking "when is dad going to ring?"

He doesn't do it when he's with the OW. Must slip his fucking tiny mind or something.

Chin up ladies!

crazeeladeeuk · 09/01/2011 20:13

Patience, the joint account is only for household bills etc, we both have individual accounts, so nothing in there of any value. he still uses it because he puts money in there. So nothing to worry about there xx

Patienceobtainsallthings · 09/01/2011 20:18

Well done Bermie have u looked at the drama triangle when u Google transactional analysis,sounds like he is playing the victim,and u have jumped out completely.

cloudedview · 09/01/2011 20:23

Crazee what an arse. It's funny I still sometimes fall into the trap (15 months on) of thinking 'but that's my H - the person I married -and he always sounds so heartfelt and convincing' - then I come on here and read the 'scripts' and realise that I trust lots of lovely ladies who have been through this (that I have never met) WAY more than I can trust what the person I married and gave my life to says to me. Sad but true.

Tea - is it your faith that keeps you so sane and graceful do you think ? I am a lot more at peace than I was even a few weeks ago but you seem to be so 'at peace' with your H. See when I can call him 'a wally' instead of all the expletives then I think I will feel at peace!

Oh actually I don't feel this way anymore about H but for those of you in that place of real hatred (notably the very recently ditched) - I heard this song on the radio yesterday whilst driving and the lyrics really made me laugh

Patienceobtainsallthings · 09/01/2011 20:36

Ok crazee but I would get bills etc sorted ASAP
I don't trust 'em.
now I am in my new flat everything is in my name he knows nothing of my finances.all he needs to know legally is his maintenance payments.

KateonMN · 09/01/2011 20:40

ahh - dickwipe did ring eventually. Did not ask to speak to me and hasn't responded to my email.

Well, the clock is ticking.....

littlecritter · 09/01/2011 21:27

Crazee, I'll come to your birthday party Wink. Your ex sounds like mine, unable to tell the truth even to himself. It's too painful, you see. So hard to look in the mirror and see a scummy, cheating liar.

Patience, I know. I'm a prat. I let him have the car. Told him to fill it up with petrol as repayment.

Fairy, you ok?

Bermie, your ex sounds really, really manipulative. I'm sure you already realise that.

I've had an up day today. Spent the day with dd. Just helps to realise that life still goes on. Mind you, she told me that xp used to hide a cable for the xbox when we went away so that older ds couldn't play on it. My jaw dropped. Don't worry, Mum, she said, we don't blame you. Fucking arsehole. I said that, not dd; she's better brought up than that Grin.

Hi, Sov, GGM, Tea, CV, Mumfun, Kate et al

googoomama · 09/01/2011 22:02

Hi everyone. Had a really busy day out today and now I'm desperately trying to keep up!
Crazee - ooh I was so angry reading about the necklace and then thinking that he had the nerve to say it was your daughter's - bringing her into his lies. Can you remind me - does he have an OW or do you not know? So sorry to ask - my brain is mush.
LC - so glad you are feeling more positive - I've been worried about you and thought about you a lot
Hope Romney and Fairy are ok too. Much love to you both.
Kate - you are fabulous as always. Your ex is not.
Clouded - you are as always doing a fantastic job with the littluns on your own. And I think you're making real progress down the old dumpling road :)
Patience - I felt the same way about my exh. He was a bastard but he was my bastard. Now he's someone else's and life is so much calmer!

KateonMN · 09/01/2011 22:16

Bit of a lone parent one this!

I was feeling a bit rubbish and stressed today, but I didn't blame it on ex or what he's done to us. Just thought - yep, I'm stressed but not every feeling is associated with him. Sort of took some of his power away.

I am having to have a landlord check tomorrow...so had to make sure the house was clean, I'm refixing (One of the over the bed hanging net things from Ikea!) whatchamacallit over the girls bunkbeds - hoovering up, helping with 2 different lots of homework at the same time.....and I just looked at myself and thought...You're doing it. You're managing - and I know for a fact that he wouldn't be able to cope.

whiney shit man voice "You know I can't multitask..."

Strong, capable, empowered. That's us ladies and they are not fit to lick our boots.

googoomama · 09/01/2011 22:20

:) too right

Patienceobtainsallthings · 10/01/2011 00:33

Lc just to say I only wrote that to highlight the audacity of the bloke ,just like mine he is a total chancer.
Just protect urself from this manipulating fuckwit ,but mine used to come home and charm charm charm and I always fell for it so don't ever think I'm judging u Lc.found a great walk today that Wallace will love x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 10/01/2011 00:37

I think that's the shock ggm ,they would rather stay a bastard than step up and save their marriage.but then they think they are entitled to be abusive and if we don't like it we can leave.and we did x

Make do Ru ok hope i didn't offend u re UR nite out x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 10/01/2011 00:40

Kate they are useless feckers that cost the country a fortune .opt out lazy feckers !

Teaandcakeplease · 10/01/2011 07:49

Kate my Ex took ages to reply to e-mails about money in the early days and I always knew when the OW was about as he didn't reply to texts or his phone for hours if at all. Do they all read the same book?

Teaandcakeplease · 10/01/2011 07:52

Crazee HAPPY BIRTHDAY lovely lady x

sjm123 · 10/01/2011 09:23

patience and mumfun - crisis loan people say they can't give crisis loans for tax credits issues any more :(

I have spoken to tax credits though, and they are sending me out a £50 payment special delivery that should be with me by 1pm tomorrow, and can be taken to any post office. My case has also apparently been referred on for urgent processing so that's a big weight off (though they have said similar before).

Kids are with the arse on Saturday night, so I have arranged to go and see a mate with a bottle of (cheap) wine so we can have a catch up. Looking forward to it already and feeling a lot more positive today.

Right, no kids around for distraction so it's back to the jobhunting for me!

Teaandcakeplease · 10/01/2011 09:29

There's a thread in AIBU about leaving children in a locked car whilst going into the shop for something. Am I the only lone parent who quickly pops into a shop for something and leaves my DCs locked in the car, firmly locked in their car seats? As I'm already getting a flaming.

fairygirl3 · 10/01/2011 09:46

crazee-happy birthday,hope you manage to have a nice day.
sjm-thats terrible about money ,i have to sort mine out today,hope they do not take that long with me as its dc3 birthday in 2 weeks and i want to spoil him (as much as i can)
text H this morning asking why he had not asked about his children in a week,said he had not realised it was that long ,nice to know they are on his mind,makes me sad.
Tea-i dont drive but i probably wouldnt leave my 2 youngest as my dc3 is a bit wild/unpredictable and can make trouble anywhere.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 10/01/2011 09:48

Sjm hi 5 for UR assertiveness atta girl....go sj ,go sj ,go sj