Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

patience-about sti,that was what i had been thinking of last night ,although H has not admitted it i am very sure he has an OW all the signs were there but i stupidly thought no he has denied it ,he wouldnt do that to me etc,but since he has left he has not denied or admitted it so still dont know for sure.
make dont beat yourself up i know i would have done the same if it was my H but then it would have just proved to me he was a weak man who could not be faithful or would it have just made me wonder if he really wanted me back? He is not helping your head thats for sure.
Well i am still alive thats about it,blocking out H is the only way i can get through but when he starts seeing dc it wont be as easy.He has not even asked about the dc since monday,sickens me ,how do they just move on ,enjoy their single lives,while i am left exhausted and trying to support upset kids.Would love to know how mens heads work because they really cant care for dc the same way as men,i talk from the experience of watching my H have less concern/contact with his ds from previous,despite my encouragment he was happy to have minimal contact and with out me nagging him it would of been much less.

Hi Fairy - some days it's enough to just be alive and surviving. I don't think there's much in any of our exes heads to be honest - just a bit of self pity and looking out for any chance they can get to get their own way. So sorry he hasn't seen the kids. But as I've said before - your kids have you and that's what really matters.
And hugs from DCs are the best hugs in the world. They are unconditional and very genuine :)

Hope the dongle lets me post this

Just a quick one for make i've done exactly the same hun, we were both sober but did it anyway and it went on for 4 days (he didnt leave for 4 days and had sex on numerous occasions not the sex lasting 4 days lol) i actually thought we were getting back together then he tells me that isnt what he wants, wanker!!
There is nothing wrong with the fact we still find our X's attractive it's natural until we have gone through that phase just be nice to yourself about it, you havent done anything wrong, him on the other hand ....

Waves to sov
I should go and get tested ,X denies any infidelity even now he is friends with 21yo ,don't believe him and should do it so I am healthy for my next lover .

feeling very fed up today,this life is so crap and i have not even been on my own 2 weeks.I honestly dont know how i am going to manage this but need to get used to it as doubt i will ever find someone else fat,old,4 kids ,unemployed thats with out the fact that i will never actually run in to any men,school run,toddler group and shopping will be my life not many single men around there.
Not that at i actuaaly want any one now,i just feel so lonely,keep thinking of all the crap things about H ,things he did that i always swore i would never stand for but even thinking of that i would rather have the pile of shit that was my marriage then this lonely,unloved life i have now .

Oh Fairy my love you are not even two weeks in - you're on the really shitty bit. I wish there was a way that I could fast forward you a few months, where you could see yourself as worth something (because you are) and could see opportunities rather than loneliness (which you will). There is no getting away from this raw pain at first lovey - you have to go through it to get over it - but keep posting because we are all here and all thinking of you. Do you have any babysitting options or any help at all?

I never bump into single men as I'm always just doing pre school runs, (soon to be nursery), mums and tots etc and spend every night at home with the LO's asleep alone. It is a bit rubbish but Googoo is so right in what she says. Sending you ((hugs)) keep posting lovely x

thats what i mean tea,dont think single men my age even exist,i dont know any.
yeah i have got some babysitters i can call on but more daytime then evening,i just think now i have gave up work my life is just going to be the house and kids.

Tell that to Startingovernow she's having the best sex. Fairy I know things look black right now. But there is light at the end of the tunnel x

But u had options with work fairy so all is not lost .do u like music I cried and danced angry dances thru my house a lot in the first month Daniel merryweather red got played to death keep posting x

Waves to Lc

Hello Patience and everyone.

Fairy, I don't know how old you are but I'm 46 and I haven't given up hope that there is someone out there for me, one day. I still love XP but he can't make me happy and I don't really want to make him happy as he doesn't deserve it. Erm, so that's not really love is it, Littlecritter.... Oh no, I'm having an epiphany... .

I've had a big number crunching day. Some of you may recall that during XP's affair I had to deal with the death of my beloved father. I was also an executor of his will (DB was other executor but had a major health crisis so couldn't help me). There were still a lot of loose ends when I found out about the affair and finally, today, I have got round to working out what should go where and to whom. Thank goodness I have done that. And I am now fairly confident that I will be able to buy XP out of the house providing he is going to be fair.

Oh, Fairy. I feel your pain, I really do. I have been walking the streets with Wallace (dog) and the tears have been rolling down my face over the last few days but it was so necessary. You can't go round it, you have to through it. It lets the pain out. It's cleansing. Those tears will heal your heart.

That what's my songs did Lc just tears shadow boxing and dancing .well done for walking Lc its bloody good stuff ,going a walk myself up a hill tomorrow,a couple of hours of nothing but me and my dog.

Hi, I really feel for you Fairy - I'm only an extra week into this from you and I know how raw it is and the fear of lonliness. I think we have to have faith in what the other lovely Dumplings say about how we shall feel better/stronger in the future - even if it doesn't feel like it.

Fairy
It's such early days for you - and at first you do feel like no one will ever love you again. That's when you think I would rather be with my ex (no matter how badly he treated you) than be on your own.

This will pass - it did with me very quickly. I loved being in a relationship, the sex, the laughs, the little stupid conversations, the cuddles and I really want that again - but the idea that it will never happen does pass.

When you are ready, and you start to recover - you will gain confidence. Just being on your own - managing to sort things out and do stuff by yourself gives you confidence and builds your self esteem.

Once you start to look forward instead of backwards - you will start to feel a bit better...it takes time, you'll take two steps back sometimes but you will recover.

Once you start to hold your head high and feel more confident...you start to radiate that - and I know that I attract more attention by appearing a strong,sexy confident woman. You give out an aura and it's a cliche...but if you love yourself...other people want to love you too!

I've not got a new man - don't even know if I want one just yet. But I know in time I will meet someone else.

It's early days - it's crap. We've all been there But I can promise you, it does get better.

Chin up chuck...I have posted wayyyyy down the thread on some of my coping strategies - if you can't find it..I'll re post again :)

am 34 lc but feel 100.Am just having a feel sorry for myself day,i think my life is just a joke thats been full of misery and its only going to get worse.

thanks everyone,just have to rememmber that time is a healer.
Am going to concentrate my energy on dc4 who is a velcro /co sleeping/non sleeping still breastfeeding pickle,has been a complete nightmare at the moment have not been able to get her to go to bed etc before 10pm so am going to put all my energy into getting her back into a routine and hopefully i should feel better with more sleep/time to myself.

Hello everyone I have just skimmed the thread. Welcome to Fairy and other new people. Fairy Like others say it is v early days, I was a wreck when I discovered my x's infidelity but have since bounced back well although I still have my moments. You will get there just get through your days and nights now and don't expect too much from yourself. You ain't old. I'm 40 and don't want to waste a day being more miserable than necc. if I can help it so hope to move swiftly thru this but it will take its natural course I know. Sadness is part of the process but will lead you to deeper joy and peace.

I had a lovely time in Ireland. Everyone was so kind and supportive to me. My mum is angry with x and totally there for me. It is such a relief now and I care less and less every day about what people will think when they find out on the vine.

I'm now back in Glasgow and knackered, kids aren't sleeping well just now but i'm so excited about moving home and have started moving on practical matters.
I've started the codependent no more book which has some good advice. A lot of it is v logical and I wonder why I didn't work it out for myself years ago. I've been inspired to take a day off work next week and just rest as I'm knackered and my line manager has it in for me. I fear I might throttle her before long and can't do that as I will need a reference when I leave for Ireland!
Patience and Googs Any thoughts about our night out?
Well gnight everyone. My 8yr old has 2 pals staying for a sleepover so I'd better hush them.
x

Ok Fairy I'm 32 and a size 16 most of the time and I don't think I'll be single forever. Not that I want someone right now, but you're in good company on here Most of us are single on here, but amazing women, and you're one of them!

Hi Maybee, you're sounding great. Sleepovers - don't you just love 'em? But they're part of family life when you have dc's and something our twattish exes will know nothing of. It's little things like that which make you realise that we are the ones who provide the special memories for our dc's.

I've just had a lavender bath and Neals Yard face mask that DD bought me for xmas. I love anything by Neal's yard. DS is staying with DD tonight and I thought I would miss him but it's nice to have a break and it's made me realise that a lot of what I feel is bound up with my disappointment for him. So sad that his dad is rotten to the core.

Lovely to hear from you Maybees

Fairy I'm hoping your GP appointment will help next week. Settling/ sleep training babies is a tricky stage, my boy was colicky and I found it sooo hard and I didn't have that many children, only 1 other. Sending you huge ((hugs))

Oh LC x posted with you, I think you had such hopes for your second relationship and this son having a good father relationship you're piling the guilt on you. Release yourself from that burden my lovely, read some self help books, counseling, whatever it takes. Because he will turn out just as great as your older two children, because he has YOU! Just like they did.

My kids will be fab because I am their mum,URs too Lc ,plus he has 2 fab siblings to guide him,its a dissappointment re the fathers but I'm glad mine is out of their everyday lives,my kids can be kids and run free without lies drinking and anger.

Thanks, Tea. DS has a second mum in my DD, too. She was nearly 14 when he was born and liked to think he was her baby. Although that's another story as she was very, very negative during my pregnancy (understatement) and wouldn't look at him for the first few days then, whoosh, a 360 turnaround.

Anyway, Tea, what are you doing still up? It's bedtime

Agree entirely Patience. As long as ds doesn't take after his father's feckless ways then half the battle is won. He already thinks it's normal to drink beer every night

I know LC it was a late night for me but my gorgeous DCs slept until 7.45am and they went to bed at 6pm Something about the winter months and being dark, my two sleep fairly well.