Hi everyone. What you are saying resonates with me too. I'm less than 5 months in, and I still spend a lot of time in denial, and have yet to be properly angry about what has happened.
But the time spent in my denial place is getting less and less. And I am increasingly able to be in the reality where my husband has left me, and is never coming home - when it first happened, I couldn't be there for long because I couldn't even manage to breathe, far less talk or eat.
It seems to be that the difference between then and now is time. And finding my strength in good friends, and counselling, and crying and crying and crying, and setting my shoulders and my chin to get through it. And repeating that it won't always feel like this.
It already feels better some of the time - and seeing how much things have already changed helps me to accept that things will continue to improve and that my bleak times will get less and less, until they are practically gone.
I often wish I could get to that point without going through the shitty times, but I also wonder whether the things that we learn on the way are important because they will leave us better able to handle the next bits of our lives.
(I look forward to the time when I no longer feel compelled to make myself feel rubbish by spending hours stalking the OW on the internet, though. No sign of that yet, unfortunately.)